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Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

Just Cindy Posted:

Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

Here it goes...my MOH told me, about a month ago, that my BM said to her that my FH and I should not get married, we were too different and I was settling.

I will go into some detail about her and some background...I have known her for about 5 yrs and she was the type of girl who didnt believe in marriage and didnt want kids, etc...her bf at the time was a loser and may have made her jaded...anyway...I introduced her to one of my good friends and they start dating...3 yrs later they are still dating and are buying a house together...well guess what her mind completely changed and she wants to get married and kids and the whole 9 yds...anyway...when I got engaged I told her I was going to live with FH. She told me she couldnt live with her bf unless I was married, , whatever..fast forward one yr and she is going to be living with her bf and she is not married so I dont say anything to her but I should have. So then we were talking and she has the gaul to tell me that buying a house is more of a commitment than getting married and I didnt say anything to her about that either which I should have. I tell my FH everything and he said she is just saying it because she is jealous and her bf hasnt proposed even though she was expecting this past v-day.

So fast forward to when my MOH told me...I was super pissed and enraged and I wanted to kill her. But I spoke to FH and he said she was jealous and to not care what she says cause she means nothing.....on and btw FH and her dont get along at all. They are complete opposites and she is so anal and fh is laid back. Fh does things just to annoy her and she hates that. My MOH told me to not tell her anything cause she would kill her...fh said to not let it bother me...pretty much everyone has told me the same thing...I wanted some feedback. I dont know if I want her around me. To have her stand up there thinking this and being fake and not supportive makes me not want her there.

What should I do???????
rae234 Posted:

Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

Yikes...this is hard...I would have a talk with her. If it was me I would tell her to take a hike....JMO.... If she didn't think the marriage would last then she shouldn't be standing up for me. Sorry you are going through this.

ajlgmm815 Posted:

Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

i know its upsets you that people look at your relationship ina negative way, but honestly i do believe it is jealousy. i dont think she really thinks you shouldnt get married she is probably looking at her own relationship and its lack of progression and darting her little green eyes if envy in your direction. I really would say anything to her. I guarantee if her BF popped the question her mood would change asap! im not justifying her fit but i have seen it before! good luck and try not to worry about it, i know easier said than done! HTH

MrsSoto Posted:

Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

Well first thing is and I know you dont need more problems, lol but I think your MOH shouldve kept this to herself if she didnt want you saying anything. I know you're not upset or anything with her and im not saying you should be but Its a little childish of someone to tell you something that they know you will want to address and they say 'but dont say a word'. It now puts you in a bad situation. well anyway, back to the issue...lets put all the other stuff from the past aside since it was only words but not directly against you like this was. so even with just this said, i personally would never ever and i dont think could have someone stand up for me as a bm knowing that this is how they feel about my marriage to fh. not that it would be excuseable at all but if there was some actual reason why she would say this like fh did something in the past, etc to hurt you and the comment was more out of concern for you, then maybe that would be one thing but her comment is totally out of the blue it seems and just a feeling she had, JUST BECAUSE. its one thing if she has this feeling but to say it to your MOH or to anyone else for that matter is completely rude and disresprectful to you!

i guess it all depends on how close you really felt to her prior to this and if you are willing to let your friendship go but if you are willing to end the relationship (or atleast take the risk of that happening), i would tell her that you dont want her as a bm any longer. If you really dont want to break your MOH trust/secret then just tell her that you have been getting really bad vibes from her that she doesnt support your marriage and its not the type of thing you want to be around during such a happy time in your life.

Good luck hunny!
rae234 Posted:

Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

[ i would tell her that you dont want her as a bm any longer. If you really dont want to break your MOH trust/secret then just tell her that you have been getting really bad vibes from her that she doesnt support your marriage and its not the type of thing you want to be around during such a happy time in your life.

Good luck hunny!




ITA
grkbarbie Posted:

Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

talk to her and pick a fight. lol start talking about relationships and her buying a house,etc,,, but dont bite your tongue eventuallly **** will hit the fan and POOF u get rid of her.

immature? YES. sneaky? YES but this way u dont burn ur MOH andddddd u get rid of the jealous wench,
RobNCyn Posted:

Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

oiy! I can relate though - unfortunately, no matter what weddings seem to bring out the worst in people. I can't tell you how many people are showing signs of extreme jealousy and it comes out in very nasty and uncalled for ways (like her expressing her negative opinions and what she would and wouldn't do in each situation).

I am too passive and had to get into fights even verbally - i just cry all over the place, so I would probably just leave it alone. there have been ALOT of things bothering me and making me upset right now but I keep telling myself - it will get better when the wedding is over. You don't have to talk to these negtive people after that if you dont want to.

GL
rae234 Posted:

Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

Posted by grkbarbie

talk to her and pick a fight. lol start talking about relationships and her buying a house,etc,,, but dont bite your tongue eventuallly **** will hit the fan and POOF u get rid of her.

immature? YES. sneaky? YES but this way u dont burn ur MOH andddddd u get rid of the jealous wench





LMAO
Just Cindy Posted:

Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

Posted by MrsSoto

Well first thing is and I know you dont need more problems, lol but I think your MOH shouldve kept this to herself if she didnt want you saying anything. I know you're not upset or anything with her and im not saying you should be but Its a little childish of someone to tell you something that they know you will want to address and they say 'but dont say a word'. It now puts you in a bad situation. well anyway, back to the issue...lets put all the other stuff from the past aside since it was only words but not directly against you like this was. so even with just this said, i personally would never ever and i dont think could have someone stand up for me as a bm knowing that this is how they feel about my marriage to fh. not that it would be excuseable at all but if there was some actual reason why she would say this like fh did something in the past, etc to hurt you and the comment was more out of concern for you, then maybe that would be one thing but her comment is totally out of the blue it seems and just a feeling she had, JUST BECAUSE. its one thing if she has this feeling but to say it to your MOH or to anyone else for that matter is completely rude and disresprectful to you!

i guess it all depends on how close you really felt to her prior to this and if you are willing to let your friendship go but if you are willing to end the relationship (or atleast take the risk of that happening), i would tell her that you dont want her as a bm any longer. If you really dont want to break your MOH trust/secret then just tell her that you have been getting really bad vibes from her that she doesnt support your marriage and its not the type of thing you want to be around during such a happy time in your life.

Good luck hunny!


I totally agree and I am mad at my MOH too for telling me. I think I may have a talk to my bm about it. I am talking to my moh right now about it.
JennyAPH Posted:

Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

F her... people stink!

However, she might not even really feel that way, she just might be jealous.. people say and do stupid things when they are jealous.. I have been dealing with similiar stuff with one of my BM's.. except she says the stuff to my face. I know she loves FH, but she tells me not to get married in general etc. I say ignore it & ignore her. Don't pay her any attention at all. Give her the 'grown up' silent treatment. Hopefully she will get the point.
M_and_J Posted:

Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

Posted by grkbarbie

talk to her and pick a fight. lol start talking about relationships and her buying a house,etc,,, but dont bite your tongue eventuallly **** will hit the fan and POOF u get rid of her.

immature? YES. sneaky? YES but this way u dont burn ur MOH andddddd u get rid of the jealous wench,



this will def do the job!!
DonnaPWhite1124 Posted:

Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

We went through this last year with a friend who was supposed to be in the BP for my other friend who got married in 08.

Sufficed to say, she was asked to step down as a bridesmaid and she never spoke to any of us again.

Sure may be harsh, but she caused ALOT of problems and was ballzy enough to drag our FHs into it....

Good Luck
MrsJuneB2B Posted:

Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

ugh... that's a rough situation. if it were me, i'd definitely confront her. for one thing, i wouldn't like the my moh told me such a nasty thing and then asked me to keep a lid on it because what your bm said is an argument waiting to happen. i wouldn't have the restraint to not approach her. secondly, do you want that sort of crap around you? life is short - having been through the wedding process recently, i realized that allowing a sh!t storm to swirl around your wedding really just sullies the whole thing and makes YOU sad - and you don't want to be sad or annoyed or aggravated about anything in your wedding and marriage - especially when it comes from some outsider that is basically friends to your face and then talks smack behind your back. even if it all comes from jealousy... well, i'd be like 'go be jealous somewhere else' because it's not worth it to keep someone like that around. i know i can be harsh, but i also know that my happiness (and that of those directly around me) is way more important than some girl that obviously thinks less of you enough to be so nasty behind your back! JMO!!! good luck hunny in my opinion, it's time to clean house!

ETA: i can't spell :o)
BriansWifey Posted:

Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

buying a house is a commintment, but its more of a commitment than getting married??!?!?!?! i dont understand that what so ever
sounds like she's trying to create drama tho....
good luck with the situation
pandafish519 Posted:

Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

i had a similiar kind of situation before i got engaged with a friend that i no longer speak to. she would always put me down about my ideas about my relationship. when i was going to move in with DH about a year before we were engaged she gave me a REALLY hard time, but only b/c she wasn't allowed to do that with her at the time fiance. i think a lot of it is jealousy that comes out in a RIDICULOUS way. but - i also believe that if someone is not truly happy for you despite their own beliefs, they should not be a part of your day.


i think you should talk to her and let her know that while you respect her opinion as a friend, you need to know that she will be there as a support system, not the anti-wedding party. GOOD LUCK!!!
dfw343 Posted:

Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

First off, I agree on one thing based on experience. Buying a house is more of a hassle to get out of then getting a divorce. BUT it is not more of a commitment.

Dump your toxic friend, trust me...she sounds jealous!
las1 Posted:

Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

Wow. This is a tough situation. I am sorry you were placed in this situation. She is probably jealous that she is buying a house with her BF and he hasn't proposed to her. It is up to you if you still want her as you BM. I would talk to her. Unfortunately, you find out different sides of people during this wedding process as well as who your true friends are
Just Cindy Posted:

Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

I def have and I told my MOH to keep her away from me and I will just ignore her and her stupidity and one more comment to me or anyone and she will get no mercy from me.

gina409 Posted:

Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

i would say u need to talk 2 her ...then go on about how u r having doubts bout fh etc etc..im sur she will start talking then u can nail her lol

f u dont want to go that route the best thing to do is to carry on and when she sees how happy u r on ur wedding day she will have to shut up
Nitania13 Posted:

Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

OMG what a nasty C U Next Tuesday! I've known girls like her before. She's just jealous and venomous! Pay her no mind! In fact if you really want to get back at her just rub in how happy you are. That'll really stick it to her. For the record, NO buying a house is NOT more of a committment. In fact, I know of LOTS of guys that just use girls to buy houses (b/c they can't buy one on their own) and use that as an excuse to either put off or avoid making a marital committment to them. Married couples can buy a house whenever, but buying a house together doesn't mean you'll be together forever. Just ignore her! She sounds like a nasty witch!

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