Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

Original post by Just Cindy

Aug 07, 2009 08:29 AM

Here it goes...my MOH told me, about a month ago, that my BM said to her that my FH and I should not get married, we were too different and I was settling.

I will go into some detail about her and some background...I have known her for about 5 yrs and she was the type of girl who didnt believe in marriage and didnt want kids, etc...her bf at the time was a loser and may have made her jaded...anyway...I introduced her to one of my good friends and they start dating...3 yrs later they are still dating and are buying a house together...well guess what her mind completely changed and she wants to get married and kids and the whole 9 yds...anyway...when I got engaged I told her I was going to live with FH. She told me she couldnt live with her bf unless I was married, , whatever..fast forward one yr and she is going to be living with her bf and she is not married so I dont say anything to her but I should have. So then we were talking and she has the gaul to tell me that buying a house is more of a commitment than getting married and I didnt say anything to her about that either which I should have. I tell my FH everything and he said she is just saying it because she is jealous and her bf hasnt proposed even though she was expecting this past v-day.

So fast forward to when my MOH told me...I was super pissed and enraged and I wanted to kill her. But I spoke to FH and he said she was jealous and to not care what she says cause she means nothing.....on and btw FH and her dont get along at all. They are complete opposites and she is so anal and fh is laid back. Fh does things just to annoy her and she hates that. My MOH told me to not tell her anything cause she would kill her...fh said to not let it bother me...pretty much everyone has told me the same thing...I wanted some feedback. I dont know if I want her around me. To have her stand up there thinking this and being fake and not supportive makes me not want her there.

What should I do???????

KerriJohnS Posted: Aug 07, 2009 01:29 PM

Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

Honestly... The BEST revenge is to last an absolute LIFETIME with FH and make her eat her words through your lasting relationship!

I DEFINATELY think she is COMPLETELY jealous. I have a feeling your friendship may end up growing apart. I can totally see how it would be a pain to have her standing up there knowing that she thinks your relationship isn't good enough. However.. just keep in mind that's just her own insecurities and jealousy speaking!

Also know this... not everyone has to agree with your actions... whether it be minor or significant. It's not up to them to have to agree with you all the time. It's your life and you do as you want... and if someone doesn't like it or agree with it... then screw them right up the a hole.

Also, next time she says something about a house being a bigger commitment... just say this 'how would you know? you aren't engaged or married... so you really don't know what the commitment of marriage REALLY means until you are going through the process'. Then you can also add on... 'JUST like I don't know what it's like to go through the process of buying a house... and that's the EXACT reason why I wouldn't even compare the two'. REALLY you should then ask her why in the world she is comparing your relationship to hers and why she is trying to state or indicate that her relationship is more of a commitment? If she isn't in your relationship then she has NO BUSINESS involving herself in it or judging it!!

Personally I probably would have told her off a while ago. I don't stand for certain things.

But don't beat yourself up over not telling her off in the past. I'm sure another opportunity will present itself. She doens't seem like the type to keep her comments and ideas to herself. Just be open for when the opportunity comes around and be prepared with what you are going to say to her.

I wouldn't tell her that MOH told you what she said. You don't want to drag MOH in the middle of it. This girl said enough things directly to you for you to be able to focus on those things instead.

KerriJohnS Posted: Aug 07, 2009 01:36 PM

Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

AND just for the record... you can sell a house and get profit off of it if the relationship goes in the crapper!!

If you get divorced on the other hand... you LOSE money.

PERSONALLY - I think MARRIGE which is supposed to last a life time is a MUCH larger commitment than buying a house together; which you can sell at ANY point and there aren't too many strings attached after that. I can't imagine anyone thinking otherwise. EVEN your friend... I'm sure she doesn't really belive that because if SHE were the one getting married she would be saying the exact opposite!

As time goes on and things change she seems to always be saying things that make her relationships seem more significant. Perhaps she is really just saying things to reassure herself because she must be aware of her insecurities.

In Love Posted: Aug 07, 2009 02:02 PM

Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

wow thats wrong, I would def talk to her about it and tell her that you are happy and so is FH and thats all that matters, It should matter what she things YOUR THE ONE GETTING MARRIED.. she should just be there for you on your day and support your decisions.

I meant shouldnt matter ...LOL

MrsCM Posted: Aug 07, 2009 07:32 PM

Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

I would confront her because if that's how she feels then she sure as heck shouldn't be standing up for you as your BM!

As for everything else you wrote she sounds jealous, insecure and preachy and like she changes her morals and convictions to suit her situation every time the wind blows which I personally dislike but as you said, maybe it was just based on a previous bad relationship. I wouldn't care too much what she said or who she said it to but the point is she's out of line to be saying it and be a bridesmaid.

geegee827 Posted: Aug 07, 2009 07:35 PM

Re: Help!!!!!!!!!!!!I want some of your girls opinions on something.....

Posted by KerriJohnS

Honestly... The BEST revenge is to last an absolute LIFETIME with FH and make her eat her words through your lasting relationship!

I DEFINATELY think she is COMPLETELY jealous. I have a feeling your friendship may end up growing apart. I can totally see how it would be a pain to have her standing up there knowing that she thinks your relationship isn't good enough. However.. just keep in mind that's just her own insecurities and jealousy speaking!

Also know this... not everyone has to agree with your actions... whether it be minor or significant. It's not up to them to have to agree with you all the time. It's your life and you do as you want... and if someone doesn't like it or agree with it... then screw them right up the a hole.

Also, next time she says something about a house being a bigger commitment... just say this 'how would you know? you aren't engaged or married... so you really don't know what the commitment of marriage REALLY means until you are going through the process'. Then you can also add on... 'JUST like I don't know what it's like to go through the process of buying a house... and that's the EXACT reason why I wouldn't even compare the two'. REALLY you should then ask her why in the world she is comparing your relationship to hers and why she is trying to state or indicate that her relationship is more of a commitment? If she isn't in your relationship then she has NO BUSINESS involving herself in it or judging it!!

Personally I probably would have told her off a while ago. I don't stand for certain things.

But don't beat yourself up over not telling her off in the past. I'm sure another opportunity will present itself. She doens't seem like the type to keep her comments and ideas to herself. Just be open for when the opportunity comes around and be prepared with what you are going to say to her.

I wouldn't tell her that MOH told you what she said. You don't want to drag MOH in the middle of it. This girl said enough things directly to you for you to be able to focus on those things instead.

ITA!