Helping people

Sometimes I think I'm too nice to people. Especially to strangers.

I do things like let people into traffic. And once they're in front of me, they drive 10mph below the speed limit. So I get punished for being nice.

Yesterday, I was helping a stranger with a website plugin that I had figured out, and gotten to work on my site. He was having trouble, so I offered to help.

Multiple emails, screenshots, and written instructions later, I stop hearing from him. This morning I check his site... And miraculously it's fixed. I know it's fixed because of me.

Do I get a thank-you email? A mention on the site? A comment on my site? No. Nada. Nyet.

I do this in every area of my life. Work, friends, family. With some people, even though they never reciprocate or are even nice about it, I still give and give way longer than anyone else would.

Do you think people outside of your 'inner circle' are just not worth helping? When and where do you draw the line and just take the attitude that you should help yourself and not them?

I'm sorry Greeny, that has happened to me too.

aww...sorry that guy didnt give you your due credit.
but no - i dont think you should stop helping people. i cant count the times that strangers came through for me when i needed something. i also think karma is a great thing.

even when people are rude to me - i try to remember its beacuse i am not an azzhole that i have all the great things that i have in my life. i am not miserable - so why would i give other people that impression?

---

Posted by greenfreak

Nyet.

---

I can't believe you said Nyet. Rusty's mom is getting to you.

I am sorry sweetie, that he was such a jerkface. I understand where you are coming from and I wish it was easier. I struggle with this too. But in the end, you know you did the right thing and next time you will not help this particular person so quickly.

I'm pretty introverted; I'm not likely to even talk to new people let alone help them because unless I'm drunk, I'm - I don't know, weird.

So as a result, I only end up helping people I know and come off rather b1tchfaced. And I don't necessarily think that my way is better.

I'm sorry that happened to you

---

Posted by JanuaryBride06

I'm pretty introverted; I'm not likely to even talk to new people let alone help them because unless I'm drunk, I'm - I don't know, weird.

So as a result, I only end up helping people I know and come off rather b1tchfaced. And I don't necessarily think that my way is better.

I'm sorry that happened to you

---

this is exactly me all 3 paragraphs.

except you get double hugs.

---

Posted by itslaurie.

---

Posted by JanuaryBride06

I'm pretty introverted; I'm not likely to even talk to new people let alone help them because unless I'm drunk, I'm - I don't know, weird.

So as a result, I only end up helping people I know and come off rather b1tchfaced. And I don't necessarily think that my way is better.

I'm sorry that happened to you

---

this is exactly me all 3 paragraphs.

except you get double hugs.

---

me too. People scare me. Thus why I am a recluse

I try to be nice when I can, and if ever I get a little niceness back, I get super excited. I am a simple person like that.

Thanks ladies.

Do those of you who are introverted think about the help you receive from other people, and respond in kind? Or just accept what people give you and consider it their responsibility to give it or not give it?

I ask because someone in my family is largely unaware of a give-and-take mentality. They have no problem accepting attention and help from everyone else, but they rarely return the favor. Worse, they have this attitude that they are entitled.

This came to a head for me during my wedding planning and I vowed to stop providing anything to this person. It was the one time in my life I asked anything of them (and it wasn't even a bad thing) and I was brushed off and treated badly.

So now this person thinks that I'm the one who is being selfish.

I am SOOOO introverted. It is so hard to get me to come out of my

Yeah right. I'm totally not buying that.

---

Posted by greenfreak

Thanks ladies.

Do those of you who are introverted think about the help you receive from other people, and respond in kind? Or just accept what people give you and consider it their responsibility to give it or not give it?

---

If someone reaches out to me, then I get over my weirdness and respond to them in kind.

It's not anyone's responsibility to be nice to me at all and if someone is going to take the first step, then I follow suit.

I didn't word that responsibility thing well. I meant to say something like, do you think it's their problem - if they keep giving without getting in return.

But you knew what I meant anyway. Thanks for answering. My family situation is much different than that, probably much more to an extreme. I can't understand that person, so I try to understand others.

It's always going to be a mystery to me, I think.

Aww, I'm sorry this happened to you.


Lots of to you...I know how you feel.

Thanks hon.

Big things like weddings really bring that out in people, don't they? You find out who really is ready to invest time in you, and help.

DIY is so much more time consuming than I ever imagined. We did our parent's albums and my parents gushed. The in-laws were about their album but DH thinks it is more because they tend to be more impressed with materialism than sentiment.

So, no more DIY for the in-laws. But my parents revel in the well thought out things, so they get all my efforts.

Aww, thanks for all the help Greeny!!

Sometimes I feel your pain, I like to help people but I also get upset when I don't get so much as a TY in return. I do for others but when it's my turn no one will do for me. I want to say f*ck 'em, but then I know that the man upstairs is watching and I'll reap my rewards in the end.

As for your other question, I don't expect help from people so when they offer I'm pleasantly surprised and try to clearly show them my appreciation. I don't think it's anyone's 'responsibility' to help me with anything except for Kevin, and even we thank each other for helping.

My job is all about helping people all the time. I rarely get a thank you... most of the time I get complaints about what I did wrong or what i didnt do enough of. Or I get dropped with out a thank you....

I totally understand. Today I bought $46 worth of coffee. No, not for me.. I dont even drink it. Were having parents volunteer to help with field day, so I provided it for them. I had plenty left after my meeting was over, so I brought it into the school caf. where they were having another function and provided nothing. One person came up to me and nastily said,' Ugh - wheres the milk!' Like I needed to provide them with milk? There was like 100 parents there at least and I SHELLED out the money out of my own POOR pockets!! BTW - there was milk - they just didnt see it! Just some people are naturally rude.

I titally didnt mind providing it BTW, just no thanks or anything from that person, like it was expected.

Then I had the same person through the night ask me to get them coffee, a napkin and then something else.. and it wasnt even in the same room, just so they could continue talking!! WTH am I a secretary??! Of course I made excuses evey time.

I would NEVER ask someone to do something like that, that I could do myself..

O.K. I could vent forever so Ill stop now, but I TOTALLY know what you mean!

---

Posted by cindyandkevin

Aww, thanks for all the help Greeny!!

Sometimes I feel your pain, I like to help people but I also get upset when I don't get so much as a TY in return. I do for others but when it's my turn no one will do for me. I want to say f*ck 'em, but then I know that the man upstairs is watching and I'll reap my rewards in the end.

As for your other question, I don't expect help from people so when they offer I'm pleasantly surprised and try to clearly show them my appreciation. I don't think it's anyone's 'responsibility' to help me with anything except for Kevin, and even we thank each other for helping.

---

I like this response. I could not have said it better myself!

Greeny I think you rule! NEVER stop helping people. It is an essential part of who you are. Karma will get you back in the end.

I make it a general rule to hate people.
But that's a facade- to protect myself from getting too angry when they suk.
I am actually a very well mannered, kind hearted person. I hold the door all the time. If I don't get thanks, I do snark 'You're WELCOME'. BC people that don't say thank you suk.
But I have also seen so much of my sister and mother getting walked all over because they will help people out before even being asked, and they get taken advantage of. The same people, over and over. So I says to them, I says- don't be stupid. Learn from your past- these people suk.

But anyway- don't stop helping people. Because then the terrorists win.