Geez, I'm sorry you're still dealing with this drama. She sounds a bit like one of my BMs, same deal, hates weddings and everything about them, is difficult, uncooperative, needs to be tracked down and publicly shamed in to doing things with us, has completely blown my mother off with helping with the shower, and even bothering to let us know if she's going to come...etc. etc. etc. So I know how frustrating it is, but I have to say, lately yours seems worse and more outwardly rude, and I'm so sorry you have to deal with it!
Oh Ali.. I so wish she was just a BM and not a MOH. I can deal more with her emotional, mental and physical absenteeism if that were the case. I'm sorry though for your BM. Haha.. just think.. it can be fair game if she gets married and puts you as a BM. Loving how what goes around comes around!