Here we go again....

OK so this morning.. I text MOH about dress shopping this Sat. I asked her what day was good for her to go. She wanted Sat the 20th. Everyother girl wanted the 27th. So to be nice and accomidating to everyone I am going on the 20th and the 27th. I also got one BM to come on the 20th so it's 2 girls trying on dresses instead of just the one.

So I had to move the times up so we can be there earlier than I originally thought (based on the LIW advice from you lovely girlies). So I tell her we have to leave earlier than planned... and I'm dual texting the 2 girls about the times this sat. I also told them that I can either get us a ride to the train or I will pay for a cab to the train since we have to leave early. Then I text MOH alone about possibly paying for their hair for the day of. I said how I think it will make it easier for everyone and if the price is right I might be able to swing that as part of their gift.

This is the response I get... and I quote!!!
'a ride to the train makes no difference to me. i live by 2 trains... what time do they open on saturday??? honestly... I don't want to talk about bridesmaid stuff or money anymore unless it pertains directly to me'.

OK SO what did I say that was monertarily not involving her?? that I was thinking about paying for her hair and the other BM hair??? How is it possible for me to be chewed out about that?!?!?!?!

Now I've really had it with her attitude... not just about wedding related things... but overall in general. Some of the other BM's who used to be friends with her are actually annoied with her and don't want to be around her anymore because she's always sooo nasty to everyone (all of that is NOT wedding related either). These problems are NOT coming up just because of the wedding planning. They have been a source of ongoing problems for her throughout her life. She just doens't like people and doesn't want to have to deal with people and seems to like being rude.

So here is my response... 'well thats real nice for a MOH to say. and what i wrote did pertain to you. the hair?? i wrote about a gift that i was thinking of getting to help everyone out. honestly your negativity about all of this is really hard to deal with. and it makes me not want anything from anyone.' then I wrote 'listen if you dont want to be the moh please just let me know. if this is something that you can't handle gracefully you need to let me know.'

I would call her but she wont answer the phone. i know her. she will now not talk to me until I go out of my way to talk to her. she hides from anything that's confrontational. she only likes to say comments and nasty things when she thinks she can get away with it. the second you call her on it... she hides!

Last week we talked about one BM who couldn't afford the shower. I don't think I ever gave the recap of what happened but FH called her and spoke to her. He offered to give her money (she never thanked him at all for that) and asked her to please keep me out of the stressful details because it was really upsetting me and I was at the verge of not wanting anything. She then cancelled her birthday dinner on friday because she wasn't in the mood (blaming the shower and the BP on that) so I talked her back into it and made everyone not cancel plans so she wouldnt be left with nothing to do for her birthday. After she talked to John... she seemed a little nicer so I thought the conversation may have actually seemed to work.
Then I got a phone call from another BM who was HYSTERICALLY crying about not being able to afford the shower and being SCARED to tell the MOH because she knew what that would turn out like because MOH has been really nasty for the past year and a half!!!! This girl was in hysterics!

I can't take this anymore. I think when all is said and done ... I will no longer have a MOH.

Omg Im so sorry Kerri

It sounds like she is not being a good MOH and def. not being a good friend. Do you really want her in the wedding? There has to be a reason as to why you picked her to be your MOH...has she changed that much? Sometimes as much as it ***** to say this...but sometimes some friends get jealous. I dont know if she is jealous or not, but it def. seems like she wants not part in it right now. Im so sorry you are going through this

Honestly,she seems to be the root of all the drama. Tell her you think it's better to not have her involved anymore but she can attend your wedding as a guest if she still wants to....You have so many other BMs...maybe one of them can be upgraded to MOH and honestly all the money/shower drama is ridiculous esp. since they can have a brunch/tea party that wouldnt be super expensive!!

Good Luck sweetie, this is such unnecessary BS to have to deal with

Since the dresses haven't been ordered yet, you still have time to reconsider who you want in your wedding party. Whoever you choose is entirely up to you but IMO, a MOH should be someone who is supportive, positive, there for you to help ease the wedding stress (not cause the stress).

Listen to your heart. It may hurt her but think about who SHE is hurting. This is YOUR special time.

Oh Im so sorry Kerri ... her attitude has been so bad lately!! Do you think she could be jealous of the fact that you are getting married?

Hang in there it will work out!

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Posted by xosweetiexo

Omg Im so sorry Kerri

It sounds like she is not being a good MOH and def. not being a good friend. Do you really want her in the wedding? There has to be a reason as to why you picked her to be your MOH...has she changed that much? Sometimes as much as it ***** to say this...but sometimes some friends get jealous. I dont know if she is jealous or not, but it def. seems like she wants not part in it right now. Im so sorry you are going through this

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I picked her because at that time (December of 2007) it was the right decision. Come February of 2008 things changed!! But I dealt with it. I threw her a surprise birthday party in June of 2008 (in the mist of wedding planning and money problems for the wedding) in hopes that it would change things. I just thought it would be nice to do a nice gesture for her. She never had a birthday party thrown for her and never had friends come together like that on her bahalf. I thought showing her that would make her happy and normal again. But I was wrong! Because it just got worse and worse.

FH wants her out! He adamently wants her out.

Now she is upset that we are going early on Sat dress shopping when she has plans Fri night. Plans she mentioned NOTHING of until just this second. and my personal favorite part is that 'SHE PICKED THE DATE... SHE PICKED THE 20th!' Everyone else wanted the 27th so I said nothign about who wanted what date and decided to go both dates to make everyone happy. Now the date she picked is no good for her and that's my fault?!!?!? Oh and screw me for offering to pay for her hair because 'she doesn't need that since she saved all her money for the wedding already'. Uh last i checked when someone gives a gift you say THANK YOU.. you don't b*tch about it!! What kind of rude person does that??

I don't think she is jealous but she certainly is rude. She said she never wants to get married... and all that. She's not a mushy type of person.. incase you couldn't tell already.

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Posted by DnJ0809

Since the dresses haven't been ordered yet, you still have time to reconsider who you want in your wedding party. Whoever you choose is entirely up to you but IMO, a MOH should be someone who is supportive, positive, there for you to help ease the wedding stress (not cause the stress).

Listen to your heart. It may hurt her but think about who SHE is hurting. This is YOUR special time.

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Truthfully... she doesn't belong in this position. She shouldn't be my MOH. And I know that. It's crystal clear. But I don't want to kick her out either. I'm at the point though where I just might end up doing that though becuase I seriously can't take this girl anymore.

This is more stress and problems than planning a wedding for 250 people! Why is it that i have the patience for planning this huge party and she has all these problems without even having planned anything at all yet.

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Posted by GRod2Be

I love that you called her out on her bs and that you straight out asked if she wanted to be the MOH. Hopefully she will straighten out or be shipped out because she doesn't deserve to be your MOH the way she has been acting.

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Yea that's the first time I said anything about whether or not she wants to be the MOH. I just can't take this crap. If this is how she plans things... she can take a hike! haha! She can also take a hike if this is how her attitude is going to be the whole time. There are ways you treat people that are right and ways that are wrong. And if you decide to treat people the wrong way.. your entire life... guess what?? YOu will end up alone!!! And honestly that's where I see her going. I'm not talking about finding a guy.. just in general... friends. There are so many friends that don't want to be around her right now. That's sad. She is pushing everyone away from her.

FH just said a good point... he doesn't want to stand and take pictures and look around and see her looking like she doesnt want to be there. I don't know if you recall what she did during me trying on dresses.. but my other BM went and said something to her and my mother was talking about how she was acting the whole time and the faces she was making. She even pulled out her laptop during it. She also now has a new nickname from that day... dinkleberryface!!! That's what she looked like... like someone was dangling crap under her nose!!!

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Posted by MaggieLuvsJoe

Honestly,she seems to be the root of all the drama. Tell her you think it's better to not have her involved anymore but she can attend your wedding as a guest if she still wants to....You have so many other BMs...maybe one of them can be upgraded to MOH and honestly all the money/shower drama is ridiculous esp. since they can have a brunch/tea party that wouldnt be super expensive!!

Good Luck sweetie, this is such unnecessary BS to have to deal with

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i HATE to say it.. but you are 100% right. She is the root of all the drama! She is the center of it all. 2 other BM's are having problems with her attitude. Then one GM and FH are having problems with her because of her attitude. That's a lot of people in the wedding party to be kinda tired of her antics lately.

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Posted by GRod2Be

I love that you called her out on her bs and that you straight out asked if she wanted to be the MOH. Hopefully she will straighten out or be shipped out because she doesn't deserve to be your MOH the way she has been acting.

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ita..im so sorry u r going through this kerri

she seems to be at a lot of the cause of the problems and if she was really a friend she would be honest with u and say either im sorry i will try to be a better moh and friend or im sorry i have to rop out

no reason for her to stress u out even more and be such a drama queen

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Posted by coldasice217

Geez, I'm sorry you're still dealing with this drama. She sounds a bit like one of my BMs, same deal, hates weddings and everything about them, is difficult, uncooperative, needs to be tracked down and publicly shamed in to doing things with us, has completely blown my mother off with helping with the shower, and even bothering to let us know if she's going to come...etc. etc. etc. So I know how frustrating it is, but I have to say, lately yours seems worse and more outwardly rude, and I'm so sorry you have to deal with it!

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I think we share a BM!

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Posted by KerriJohnS

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Posted by xosweetiexo

Omg Im so sorry Kerri

It sounds like she is not being a good MOH and def. not being a good friend. Do you really want her in the wedding? There has to be a reason as to why you picked her to be your MOH...has she changed that much? Sometimes as much as it ***** to say this...but sometimes some friends get jealous. I dont know if she is jealous or not, but it def. seems like she wants not part in it right now. Im so sorry you are going through this

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I picked her because at that time (December of 2007) it was the right decision. Come February of 2008 things changed!! But I dealt with it. I threw her a surprise birthday party in June of 2008 (in the mist of wedding planning and money problems for the wedding) in hopes that it would change things. I just thought it would be nice to do a nice gesture for her. She never had a birthday party thrown for her and never had friends come together like that on her bahalf. I thought showing her that would make her happy and normal again. But I was wrong! Because it just got worse and worse.

FH wants her out! He adamently wants her out.

Now she is upset that we are going early on Sat dress shopping when she has plans Fri night. Plans she mentioned NOTHING of until just this second. and my personal favorite part is that 'SHE PICKED THE DATE... SHE PICKED THE 20th!' Everyone else wanted the 27th so I said nothign about who wanted what date and decided to go both dates to make everyone happy. Now the date she picked is no good for her and that's my fault?!!?!? Oh and screw me for offering to pay for her hair because 'she doesn't need that since she saved all her money for the wedding already'. Uh last i checked when someone gives a gift you say THANK YOU.. you don't b*tch about it!! What kind of rude person does that??

I don't think she is jealous but she certainly is rude. She said she never wants to get married... and all that. She's not a mushy type of person.. incase you couldn't tell already.

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I can't tell you what to do Kerri, but IMO I think she should not be your MOH. She sounds like a rude Biatch! I'm sorry you are going through this, but you really do see people's true colors when you ask them to be part of your wedding!

Before my MOH broke up with her bf, when everything was going great with them, we used to talk all the time about what we wanted our weddings to be like and stuff. Now that they are broken up, she is all cynical again, and is like, 'Well, I think it's dumb to spend all this money on a wedding, there are much more useful things you could be spending it on,' and stuff like that. But I mean, yes, it is extravagant, but I feel like it is worth it to some people, and if you want it, and you CAN do it, then you SHOULD do it. it's just frustrating b/c 3 months ago she was all into it, and now its like i have to get a lecture about the extravagances of weddings and how its a big decision and stuff, when i just want someone to vent to! so i feel your pain!

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Posted by dazey

i would really think about kicking her out of the bridal party. the problems and stress only get worse and more intense as the wedding gets closer. you obviously can't rely on her when it comes down to it, and you need to be able to trust everyone around you on your wedding day to really be there for YOU and shed the drama. you always seem to me like one of the nicest sweetest people on here, so i'm sorry this is happening. don't let people ruin this experience for you, i'd really just get rid of her! for you, fh, and all your bridesmaids. good luck

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Oh it's my favorite lil Knome friend! I still love those kissing knomes!! I have a knome in my bathroom and a magnet on my fridge that says 'chillin wit my knomes'... it makes me chuckle everytime I read it and even when I think about it... like now! hahhaahaha! So thank you just for posting bc your avatar just makes me smile!!!

You are right. i can't say i don't agree with you completely. I left her an email. A LOOOOOONG email! Insanely long. I'm leaving it up to her... but I did write this in the end...

'Honestly I need a MOH who can communicate with the girls. I need someone who can set aside time to call them. Possibly even meet with them to discuss things and plan accordingly. Meet in a coffee shop of something. Just a little get together for whoever is able to come. There's a lot that comes with being a MOH and I know you bought a book on it (which I thought was incredibly sweet of you to read up on it and all) but part of the job entials communicating with these girls. And getting upset or agitated over it isn't going to help the situation. it's not going to get the job done. You also need to know what they can afford; which is why getting together would be best so you can all discuss things and throw around ideas and such. i know I am emailing you now... (LIW girls - my phone died today and i couldnt call anyone I had no #'s)but emailing 7 other girls about making plans of this nature really isn't the best way to communicate in all circumstances. sometimes people don't get emials..and sometimes they don't know to check them. And sometimes they think I'll write back later and completely forget because life gets in the way. it's just what happens. If you decide to keep this position that means you would really have to listen to all of this. I'm not saying anything to be mean. I'm not trying to say anything that would further piss you off. I really would just like it to all go smoothly. And there's no reason why it shuoldn't; a lot of it is a matter of figuring out how to deal with these girls and other people. I've had less stress than this planning the actual wedding. i've thrown may parties and vacations... and you need to get people on your side with things... otherwise it just won't work. if you decide to stay on baord... really things just have to change and can't go on this way. i want positive vibes, not thes negative ones. i want people who have positive energy shinning out of them... I want to be around people who are genuinely happy. i want to see pictures and not see nasty faces in the background.'
then I concluded with
'I'm sorry if I did anythign to hurt you in any way. that was never my intention. nor is it my intention to 'throw my wedding down your throat'. i don't think my wedding should take over other people's lives. But I do think that I deserve to have a positive, upbeat MOH who genuinely wants to help out whenever possible; one who is willing and able to plan things without any nasty or rude remarks personally towards me about the wedding, someone who is willing and able to set aside time to plan things; someone who can be results focused and not let feelings get in the way of finding a solution to the occurances that arise when planning things; someone who is really just happy and honored to have the positition to begin with. If you think that is you then AWESOME. But if this is too much for you or you don't think you can handle this; or you simply do not want to do it PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE (I can't beg you enough) let me know now. I will have no hard feelings towars you for not wanting to do it. I would actually applaud you for being able to say it before it gets to the point where it is too late and things are ruined. I do want you to be the mOH but I was a positive, upbeat, happy (her name). I want a (her name) that can get things done without getting agitated and bent out of shape over it. I want a (her name) who WANTS to do this, not a (Her name) who HAS to do this or feels trapped into doing it.'

There was a whole lot more to it. I called her out on a lot of things.. I quoted a lot of comments she's made to me. I questioned her points she was conveyin by making those comments. I brought up a lot of things. That was just a portion of it. It really was a long email.

So far no response. I'm kinda thinking... I won't be getting one anytime soon.

My backup plan is to make 2 of my oldest friends a dual MOH team. At this point I'm hoping she steps down. I gave her the option to be a BM or not be in the wedding party at all. I was nice about it. As nice as I can be at this point anyway. I'm just soooo sick and tired of this BS.

Thank you for listening to me go on and on about this guys!!!
Hugs and kisses for you guys!!

Wow Kerri, I'm so sorry!! It really looks like you are taking the right approach with this-- hopefully she'll take the time to reflect what she's done to hurt you and your BP and think about what her actions are capable of. If she thinks you're wrong or refuses to reply, I would just count her out. If she can't show you respect then she's not worth your time or energy. Good luck with everything!!!