Hey girls...
Well, things have been sort of rough lately..
I guess its the stress of the wedding, actually, I'm not sure what it is..but FH and I really never fight and we had a really long talk the other nite, and things escalated..
I guess for some backround info, FH is very shy..even with me. Not on a day to day basis, but with anything that is 'hard' to talk about, he closes up if he doesn't feel like he can fix it. He gets really down on himself and sometimes its hard to help him.
Well long story short, the stress and money for the wedding was getting to me and I felt like I wasn't getting any help. I started screaming at him asking how/why he would ask me to marry him if he had no way of actually supporting a family.
FH works hard everyday, I know he's a hard worker, its just that he's not the type of guy to go in and ask for a raise, and one that is very well deserved. They walk all over him at his job but he's too nice..he's been working there for just under 5yrs and has never gotten a decent raise. I feel like he really needs to step up, especially now with all this financial burden. But, he just can't bring himself to do it. I wonder how he's ever going to really support a family with his lack of motivation. I never want to bring it up to him because it's something that is hard to bring up without putting a person down, but after a few years it just finally came out the other nite.
We're suppose to be renovating an apt in my parents house so we have a place to live after we get married. He's suppose to take care of calling the contractor and getting this process started, and again, with his lack of ambition, none of this has happened yet.
It all just piled up inside of me and I finally needed to let it out. And since then, FH has been really, REALLY down on himself. He said that he really needs to change himself because he knows that I deserve better. He actually wanted to take this past weekend and spend it by his parents just so he'd have time to figure his life out. I was extrememly mad at first and I told him if he does, to never come back. But he explained that it wasn't a break or anything, just that he needed a few hours to himself to think it over. In the heat of the moment I wasn't hearing clearly though and I was really upset. He said he's trying to become a better 'him' for me. And I understand that but for some reason it still helps.
I've been so sick too. We actually both took off from work today and just spent the day talking. We've been talking since last Thurs. Its frustrating because there's no 'real' problem to figure out..just a bunch of stuff that needs to be taken care of.
In a way it feels like my whole world is crashing down but I don't even know why. It's like we're really strong but really weak right now.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you girls know why I haven't been on for a few days. I honestly feel like I can't even think about the wedding right now, and I don't even know why? There's just so much going through my mind!!
I guess its the stress of the wedding, actually, I'm not sure what it is..but FH and I really never fight and we had a really long talk the other nite, and things escalated..
I guess for some backround info, FH is very shy..even with me. Not on a day to day basis, but with anything that is 'hard' to talk about, he closes up if he doesn't feel like he can fix it. He gets really down on himself and sometimes its hard to help him.
Well long story short, the stress and money for the wedding was getting to me and I felt like I wasn't getting any help. I started screaming at him asking how/why he would ask me to marry him if he had no way of actually supporting a family.
FH works hard everyday, I know he's a hard worker, its just that he's not the type of guy to go in and ask for a raise, and one that is very well deserved. They walk all over him at his job but he's too nice..he's been working there for just under 5yrs and has never gotten a decent raise. I feel like he really needs to step up, especially now with all this financial burden. But, he just can't bring himself to do it. I wonder how he's ever going to really support a family with his lack of motivation. I never want to bring it up to him because it's something that is hard to bring up without putting a person down, but after a few years it just finally came out the other nite.
We're suppose to be renovating an apt in my parents house so we have a place to live after we get married. He's suppose to take care of calling the contractor and getting this process started, and again, with his lack of ambition, none of this has happened yet.
It all just piled up inside of me and I finally needed to let it out. And since then, FH has been really, REALLY down on himself. He said that he really needs to change himself because he knows that I deserve better. He actually wanted to take this past weekend and spend it by his parents just so he'd have time to figure his life out. I was extrememly mad at first and I told him if he does, to never come back. But he explained that it wasn't a break or anything, just that he needed a few hours to himself to think it over. In the heat of the moment I wasn't hearing clearly though and I was really upset. He said he's trying to become a better 'him' for me. And I understand that but for some reason it still helps.
I've been so sick too. We actually both took off from work today and just spent the day talking. We've been talking since last Thurs. Its frustrating because there's no 'real' problem to figure out..just a bunch of stuff that needs to be taken care of.
In a way it feels like my whole world is crashing down but I don't even know why. It's like we're really strong but really weak right now.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you girls know why I haven't been on for a few days. I honestly feel like I can't even think about the wedding right now, and I don't even know why? There's just so much going through my mind!!
