Brides Helping Brides ™ - Hi Ladies..have a few sensitive questions to ask

Misty Posted: Apr 21, 2003 12:54 PM

Hi Ladies..have a few sensitive questions to ask

Before you continue reading this, I should tell you that it's about a topic a lot of you may not want to read, since you are expecting. It's about miscarriages, and there is quite a bit of detail. I need to ask those that would have the most knowledge. If you are sensitive to this right now, please don't continue reading....

My best friend miscarried on Friday, she was close to 5 months pregnant. It's very very sad, and she is really beside herself right now. Her husband is up in arms, calling attorney's...because of the actions the hospital, and associate doctors took with her when she called to complain about abdominal pain. I need your advice on whether you think this was handled appropriately, and what, if anything, could have been done to save her baby.

She called her regular doctor late Thursday night complaning of lower abdominal pain, it wasn't severe, but it was a constant dull pain. Her regular doctor wasn't in, but the associate got back to her, and told her that it was 'probably nothing to be concerned with' and that she should get some rest and call him in the morning. She woke up at 6AM with severe lower back pain and was spotting, she called him, called her husband, and rushed to the emergency room. In the emergency room, this associate made her wait 25 minutes, all while knowing that she was bleeding. The doctor did not attach a fetal heart monitor, even at her request, saying that there was nothing to worry about. He did a sonogram, said 'everything looks ok, the baby is just low lying...I can't see anything wrong'. She said 'check again because I'm having a lot of pain'...just as she said that, her water broke, and she went into labor....her husband flipped out, screamed at the doctor and told him, if nothing is wrong what do you call this?? After all was said and done, the insensitive son of a b....without asking her if she wanted to know, told her the sex of the baby.

I have to ask, do you think this doctor did all that
he could do??? Should he have attached a fetal heart monitor? I am not sure the baby could have been saved, but to say that nothing was wrong, when she was in severe pain?

I am not knowledgable in this...so anything that anyone can tell me would be helpful.

I'm going through quite a wave of emotions right now, my sister-in-law is in labor as we speak...so I have this sadness for my best friend, coupled with the happiness of becoming an aunt...just very crazy right now!!

Thank you...and I'm sorry if I made anyone upset with this post....

LisaT Posted: Apr 21, 2003 12:57 PM

Re: Hi Ladies..have a few sensitive questions to ask

I don't know anything about proper procedure in these situations, I just wanted to express my condolences to your friend

DaniRN Posted: Apr 21, 2003 01:42 PM

Re: Hi Ladies..have a few sensitive questions to ask

i sent you a FM

bearsbabe_113 Posted: Apr 21, 2003 02:13 PM

Re: Hi Ladies..have a few sensitive questions to ask

OMG Misty!!!! I am so incredibly sorry for your friend!! Having gone through a miscarriage myself, but at an early stage, and just starting my 5th month of pregnancy, I can only imagine the pain and suffering she is going through!!! Nobody should've gone through what she just went through!!!!

As for proper procedure, I don't think this dr did all the right things! I've had friends who have gone into early labor and the first thing any dr does is to do a sonogram or hook up a fetal monitor!! And to be sitting there for almost a half-hour until the dr looks at her is beyond disgusting in my eyes. This dr sounds totally uncompassionate and incompetent.

Again, I am so sorry for your friend! My heart breaks for her!

Diane Posted: Apr 21, 2003 03:27 PM

Re: Hi Ladies..have a few sensitive questions to ask

Im not sure...just wanted to send my condoleneces to your friend

Elizabeth Posted: Apr 21, 2003 03:35 PM

Re: Hi Ladies..have a few sensitive questions to ask

I'm so sorry for your friend and her DH. I have never heard of an OB telling a patient it's 'probably nothing' when they call with a potential problem. I can't imagine what your friend is going through, I will say a prayer for her & her baby.

MichelleW Posted: Apr 21, 2003 03:51 PM

Re: Hi Ladies..have a few sensitive questions to ask

Misty,

I am sorry for your friend

I guess perhaps in this light my Dr's were very cautious, whenI was PG with Brandon I had severe back pains Thanksgiving Eve and they sent me directly to the hospital to the labor and delivery ward, not ER and hooked me up to a monitor right away

Misty Posted: Apr 21, 2003 03:54 PM

Re: Hi Ladies..have a few sensitive questions to ask

Thanks ladies..so much.

Michelle, that is exactly what any doctor should do! She was so grossly mishandled it's just completely insane. I can't understand how he could have let her sit there, and not monitor her from the get-go. Maybe because she wasn't his patient...I just don't know....whatever it is, they are going to try and find out.

NuBride Posted: Apr 21, 2003 08:21 PM

Re: Hi Ladies..have a few sensitive questions to ask

Misty,

I am so sorry for your friend's loss and I just want to share my experience with you. I had an emergency cerclage put in at 19weeks to save my pregnancy...prior to this emergency I was at the doctor's office the Monday before my level 2 sonogram and complained of lower abdomen pressure and I too was dismissed as it was 'nothing to worry' I was just experiencing the normal symptoms on pregnancy.

Like I said my complaint was dismissed as nothing and she didn't do a sonogram 'just to check' now grant it was just that one day I had the pressure but who knows what would of happened if she bothered to investigate it any further.

Two days later I had the level 2 sonogram and that's when the radiologist discovered that I was dialated 2 centermeters and that's when I was rushed to the hospital..my 'membranes' were starting to spill in to my v$gina and if my water broke that would of been the end of the pregnancy.

What I'm trying to say is that since the fetus was not 'viable' outside my body...I would of loss the baby if my water broke. Since the surgery I've had contractions but of course I'm being watched like a hawk and the doctor said 'we have tricks up our sleeves to stop contractions, but can't do anything if the water breaks until the baby is viable'

It sounds like your friend was in full force labor and I don't think there was anything they could do to save her baby once her water broke. Maybe, and that's a big MAYBE they could of given her something to stop the contractions when she felt them for the very first time and went directly to the hospital... could of should of...it's still horrible and that should be a lesson to all of us to really listen to what our bodies are telling us...I truly believe we know more about our own bodies when we pay attention to them.

I think the doctor's were 'laxed' in treating her immediately , but I don't think they could of saved the baby once her water broke. It is a tragedy and her precious little angel is in heaven and her and her family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Stacey1403 Posted: Apr 21, 2003 08:28 PM

Re: Hi Ladies..have a few sensitive questions to ask

I have no answers but wanted to say how sorry I am for your friend

What-Now Posted: Apr 21, 2003 11:52 PM

Re: Hi Ladies..have a few sensitive questions to ask

Unfortunatelly, I can't help with any information, but just wanted to say how very, very sorry I am for you friend and her husbund! I am glad that all of us are reading this post though: women should know about stories like this one and keep them in mind! it's good to be informed and to know that you can't just blindly trust the doctor and there are some things that you need to REQUEST the doctor to do if you feel they are neccessary and you are worried! Again, so very, very sorry for you friend!

WithThisRing Posted: Apr 22, 2003 01:52 AM

Re: Hi Ladies..have a few sensitive questions to ask

I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your friend.

A woman I used to work with was 5 months pregnant and started having problems with her pregnancy (she was considered high risk because of her age and that she had a miscarriage once before) and when she was rushed to the hospital they told her everything was fine. She felt she wasnt fine and went to her own doctor the next day. She was dialating and the baby was starting to get into position as if he was being born. Her own doctor called for an immediate operation (I dont know what its called) that everything be closed up and she be bed ridden for the rest of her pregnancy. She almost lost the baby because of the hospital telling her she was fine when her body was telling her otherwise. She had a good pregnancy and a little trouble in labor, but delivered a beautiful healthy baby boy.

It's a terrible situation for your friend and I am terribly sorry she has to go through this especially at being 5 months pregnant.

I hope she feels better and that something good happens for her and DH in midst of all this sadness

NuBride Posted: Apr 22, 2003 09:01 AM

Re: Hi Ladies..have a few sensitive questions to ask

Chipp,
It's called a 'cerclage' that what I have in me now, I had it put in at 19 weeks so it was an 'emergency cerclage' lt's a stitch that holds your cervix closed so you can move on with the pregnancy. The stitch will have to be remove prior to me having the baby.

It's nice to know she had a successful pregnancy and her baby is fine....it gives me more hope especially when your're on complete bedrest.

NIHA Posted: Apr 22, 2003 09:22 AM

Re: Hi Ladies..have a few sensitive questions to ask

I'm not sure about procedures either. Just want to say sorry for your friend's loss

natasha Posted: Apr 22, 2003 01:40 PM

Re: Hi Ladies..have a few sensitive questions to ask

I am so sorry for what your friend and her family is going through. I guess they can try to get a second opinion to determine what should have been done.

michele31 Posted: Apr 22, 2003 01:47 PM

Re: Hi Ladies..have a few sensitive questions to ask

I am NOT a medical doctor so I cannot comment on the actual medical procedures or advise but I can say that his actions in regards to her feelings were awful and she needs to send in a formal letter of complaint. Only an attorney can help with whether or not the medical actions were proper or not. How awful for your friend. This must be an sad and painful time for her. I will say that she needs to find a loving, caring doctor to help her through this. I would end my relationship with her current office. Also, she probably needs a lot of love and support right now. You might want to put aside your feelings about the doctors when you speak to her right now. Nothing can bring the baby back to her, and she to know that she can mourn this lose.
I wish her all the best.

Misty Posted: Apr 22, 2003 11:24 PM

Re: Hi Ladies..have a few sensitive questions to ask

Thank you so much everyone for your very heartfelt and informative responses...I knew that I came to the right place!

I haven't been able to respond because, believe it or not, I've been celebrating the healthy birth of my beautiful new nephew, born just last night. What a roller coaster week!

An update on my friend: she is not doing too well at all. Very very depressed, at at the point where she is extremely angry right now. I have not brought up the situation with this doctor, but her husband has been on a tear since Friday when this happened. She still hasn't seen her regular OBGYN, as he has been on vacation for the last 2 weeks. The more I talk to her the more she tells me about what this doctor did...and the more disgusted I get. He told her it was probably gas pains and that she should take Tums...it's just unreal.

Ladies, never, ever, backdown when something doesn't feel right to you. I don't know if anything could have saved her baby, but I do know that a valient effort on the part of this doctor could have at least give her some type of comfort that SOMETHING was done, and that there was a distinct reason for it.

I wish you all the best in the world, and I thank you sincerely for your comments, and advice.

Edited to add a picture of pure joy and happiness...
He's 18 hours old!

411187_1.jpg

Rob-luvs-me Posted: Apr 23, 2003 08:28 AM

Re: Hi Ladies..have a few sensitive questions to ask

I will ask my FH for you about whether there might be legal action - he worked for a number of years for a dr's insurance company as a claims examiner - he would know it this sounds like something that might be a legal suit or not. He will also have names of firms you can contact if she might have a case.

michele31 Posted: Apr 23, 2003 11:36 AM

Re: Hi Ladies..have a few sensitive questions to ask

Your friend should be with a therapist asap. This can get much worse. There are tons of hormone changes taking place, in addition to the horrible mental pain she is in. My heart goes out to her. Maybe you can rent a movie and just go sit with her this weekend. She probably needs to just sit with a friend for a while.