I want to first start off by saying I am lucky to have parents that are willing to help me out with the wedding plans financially. They are pretty much paying for everything. I am very grateful. My FI parents do not want any involvement at all which puts a lot of strain on things. My FI and I are hurt that they do not want to participate. This caused a huge friction between my parents and his. I get really upset when she my future MI suggests what type of favor I should give out, what day I should have the wedding on, where I'm living and if I going to have a washer or dryer etc..First off she should ask her son where we are living correction she shouldn't ask at all. I did tell her we would be renting a small apartment and she made a face. This sort of stuff really ****es me off. I can accept the fact if they were not able to participate because they don't have the money but what they told my parents was they did not get any help when they got married and that I'm the girl and the girls parents should pay for it all. We all know how much is involved...Don't you think this is unbelievable. Again, I want to say I know their are a lot of couples out their that are paying everything themselves I honestly could not imagine it but it would be nice to have family by your side also and family from both sides. The invitations will have my parents names on them of course requesting my guests presence but I can just see what my extended family will be thinking when they see that his parents should be really ashamed of themselves. I don't even want to go over his familys house anymore to me they shouldn't ask me anything about the wedding - oh I forgot about this his mom also asked me about inviting certain people she knows - I don't think so
cw0904
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Re: His Family Wants No Involvement...
FH's parents have had NO involvement in the wedding planning. And I am fully content with that. Because I don't want any headaches, disagreements, arguments, STRESS!!! No thanks! The more hands you have in the pot, the more problems there will be. Both sets of parents are contributing financially somewhat but we are paying the bulk of the expenses. And if either my parents or Fh's parents didn't contribute financially, we would still have their names on the invites. IMO the invitation shouldn't reflect who is paying for the wedding it should reflect the union of two families joined by two people that are in love and will partake in the sacrament of marriage.
susans
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Re: His Family Wants No Involvement...
I agree with Michelle that the rude comments are uncalled for. But like lisat mentioned, some people just have ideas about how things should and shouldn't be done. If that's the case, then maybe your in-laws didn't see their comment as rude...just a statement of their own beliefs, archaic as it sounds. You know them better than I would. I don't know the tone of how that was said. Just like I can also see how maybe her asking FH about you makes you upset because you see it as meddling, when maybe she's just asking because she is actually interested in the woman that will soon be marrying her son. Again, I'm trying to give them the benefit of the doubt.
I echo the sentiments of the girls that say you're lucky you have your own family helping you out. Something like your resentment towards his parents is the kind of thing that can just get bigger and bigger (if you let it) as time goes on and can really take the happiness out of planning your wedding. It can even spill over into creating friction between you and your FI or FI and his parents. You plan a wedding *hopefully* once in your life and it's always easier if you do so with minimal conflict.
prncssrachel
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Re: His Family Wants No Involvement...
I could have written this myself. My FH family has gotten so bad that I refuse to stay there when we come home(we live out of state for now). And as we speak, he is at his parents, and I am at mine. His parents refuse to contribute, yet have something to say about all the details. I am listening to nothing, my parents are footing a majority of the bill, and FH and I are paying the rest. I believe their say has been axed. Not to mention his mother has become EXTREMELY weird lately. Like, when we leave to go back to MA, she screams and cries, 'NO! Don't leave me yet!' And she's SERIOUS! So, it could always be worse, they could be as nuts as my future inlaws.
maysie18
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Re: His Family Wants No Involvement...
Sorry you have to go thru this. Wasn't there to hear her tone, but not sure I'd classify it as rude, definitely tactless, but hey at least they were honest. Read lotsa stories of parents stringing their kids along promising to pay & then don't come through.
I tend to take etiquette with a grain of salt when it comes to who pays for what, cuz in the end Emily Post isn't paying for anything & isn't there when it hits the fan with your familes after your wedding!!
My mother is paying for our entire reception - FH & I paying for EVERYTHING else. FMIL got a cash windfall recently & said she'd give us $ (we didn't ask), but you've gotta make me a believer, when the cash is in my hand I'll believe it! & my hand is empty! Altho it isn't always easy, esp. when $ gets tight, I'm not holding it against her or his family. Not sure of you're age but we've been on our own a long time & really can't expect our parents to just foot the entire bill. But you're VERY lucky & blessed that your parents will!
Because my mother doesn't want me to have drama w/FILs, she's cool w/putting our names alone on invites-no parents names at all. When his family makes suggestions, I listen & say something like 'I'll think about that' or 'that may work, we'll see' They honestly just haven't made any suggestions I'd really consider.
As hard as it is, just be happy your parents are there to help & try to let it go. You don't wanna go into your new marriage w/this animosity. Good luck! sorry so long!
NatalieS
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Re: His Family Wants No Involvement...
Wow,
it looks like everyone has similar problems. I too am in a similar situation but my parents have offered to help with some of the financial burden which I am truly grateful. I could not imagine doing it my self and for those who are doing it all themselves, I AM TRULY IMPRESSED AND GIVE YOU GUYS MUCH RESPECT!!!. We all know how hard it is. But my FIL have continued to tell use they will help financially support with promise of all this money but to no avail. we have not seen any. I dont want to pressure since It is not my place to ask them for the money but if they give it to us we will be grateful. LOL... how in debt are you guys. I am digging my self a grave with almost 100.000 dollars in school loans. Enough money to sponsor 4 beautiful weddings *sigh*
Tammy5-03
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Re: His Family Wants No Involvement...
I feel very lucky that my parents are contributing about half of the cost. FH and I are doing the rest. His parents are not contributing a dime. I of course would love for them to help out but I am not upset that they don't. At least they don't try to offer a lot of advice which I would resent. I did not put their names on the invite. If we are going to have a traditional arrangement for costs, I felt my parents should be acknowldged in the traditional way, as the hosts of the party. Natalie, I'm right there with you, almost 100,000 in school loans. I shouldn't even have a wedding with all that debt-what's wrong with City Hall
Claud2001
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Re: His Family Wants No Involvement...
I have to totally agree with LisaT and SusanS...they said it best.
JodiBabe
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Re: His Family Wants No Involvement...
I am really sorry that some of you girls have so many problems with your FIL's. Everytime I read about in law troubles I feel soooooooo bad!
We planned this wedding with the understanding that we were bearing ALL of the financial burden of it and not really knowing how we were going to do it. The invitations have ONLY our names on them with no parent names.
My dad & stepmother have never said anything about helping & I assume that is the way it will stay and it really annoyed me awhile ago when my stepmother tried to get me to invite my stepbrothers 2 kids who don't even know me & knowing that I wanted NO kids other than my flower girls there. However, we were extremely surprised when my mom said her & my stepfather wanted to pay for part or all of our HM as a wedding gift. We are going to ARUBA for a week and they are paying the whole thing. FH parents (whom I love) had told him that they were going to help out but since they never gave us the $$ or even an amt. we had to keep going on the assumption that we were paying all. Again, however, we were visiting them last night and his mom mentioned something to me about $$...............they wrote us a check for 10K
We were so surprised but pleasantly! And the best is that it was with no strings attached to be used as we needed to for anything!
