Brides Helping Brides ™ - Honest opinions please

DandS Posted: Jul 11, 2006 12:07 PM

Honest opinions please

I was talking to my mother the other day about favors for my wedding, and I told her that FH and I were interested in doing a donation rather than a favor. Now I know a lot of you girls are doing this (this is actually where I got that idea from) and I thought it was a great idea! My mother did not like that idea because she said that everyone looks for the favor and she thinks that people will talk about it in a bad way. She said that she thought it was a great idea, but she did not want people to think or talk negative about me or my wedding. I was planning on donating $10 a person ($2,000). I could not imagine how my $5-10 favor per couple could be more important than donating to a good cause. I am probably going to do the donation anyway, but I just wanted to see what you girls thought. I wanted to know if you girls thought that people really would think that I was being cheap and trying to get off on not giving a favor (oh yeah I forgot to mention that my mom thinks that some people would think that I really am not donating the money, meanwhile I do the breast cancer walk-a-thon every year and I would have a picture up at the reception of me at the walk-a-thon showing people that I was there and I really did donate). To the other brides that did, or are planning on doing a donations, did you give something else as well? TIA

ali120206 Posted: Jul 11, 2006 12:15 PM

Re: Honest opinions please

We're planning on doing a donation without a tangible favor (we might do some candy but, most likely not).

We've been to a few weddings where they had donation favors, they wrote up something nice explaining the charity and why it was important to them.

My mom had the same reaction at first as people expecting an actual favor.

missigreg Posted: Jul 11, 2006 12:21 PM

Re: Honest opinions please

I was at a wedding with a donation favor. What they did was donate to parkinsons... and made little picture frames up, saying what they did and put them on the tables.

I dont think that is bad at all..... who even keeps the favors anyways?

kris01 Posted: Jul 11, 2006 12:28 PM

Re: Honest opinions please

We were thinking of doing a donation but include something small such as personalized M&M's. But in speaking w. my mom she said that people expect to get favors at weddings, showers etc.I think the donation is a great idea and it is meaningful. I'd rather see the couple give a donation than receive a frame that I am never going to use and probably throw out.
I would do what YOU want to do since it is your wedding and not worry!

Good Luck

-Kris

cjb88 Posted: Jul 11, 2006 12:31 PM

Re: Honest opinions please

we did a donation and gave out the lance armstrong bands along with it... i got many compliments on that and people were really touched (i did it in memory of my dad who died of color cancer) anyway, i personally dont think you need something tangible... my own opinion is that instead of purchasing something tangible along with the donation favor, i would rather be able to give more money to the donation...

EGreene79 Posted: Jul 11, 2006 12:34 PM

Re: Honest opinions please

I think we ladies need to stop talking to our mothers and FMILs about our wedding planning! I'm just teasing, but I've had a lot of confrontations with my mom and FMIL about traditions I'm not following and I'm to a point where I just don't care anymore.

I think it's difficult for the older generations to accept change, and want us to follow all the traditions they followed. To be honest, I always forget to take my favor, and really don't even think about it. I'm not sure that I even received favors at all the weddings I've been to, and I've never thought twice about it. I think the donation is such a nice idea. Not everyone eats chocolates, or drinks wine or will use candles. At least this is something that benefits people.

I don't want anyone to think I'm knocking regular favors, and I may even end up doing M&Ms or almonds myself, but I think the donation is such a nice idea. Especially if it's something very near and dear to the bride and groom.

JandJ1224 Posted: Jul 11, 2006 12:38 PM

Re: Honest opinions please

The first wedding we went to that had the donation I was really impressed. I love the idea. I don't think people really care what you are giving them as a favor. I personally would rather see the money spent going to a charity. Can you tell I'm doing donation favors!

frosty Posted: Jul 11, 2006 12:45 PM

Re: Honest opinions please

We did a donation favor, and then gave each guest a small box of candy.

N.Y.bride Posted: Jul 11, 2006 12:46 PM

Re: Honest opinions please

As a guest at weddings I could care less about favors. Most of them just collect dust if not end up in my garbage can (sorry to those of you who are having them) - Just being honest.

I think giving donations is kind of new so some guests wont understand. But once they figure it out Im sure they'll appreciate donating money to cancer or something rather than getting a bottle opener KWIM?

ant n tilde Posted: Jul 11, 2006 12:50 PM

Re: Honest opinions please

i love the donation idea - my brother donated to a cancer society but the funny thing is that my mom actually went out and made up favors ( little mikasa clocks) and gave them out to her friends and sent these favors to italy! she completely could not understand the whole point of the donation!

when i first brought up the idea of donating money to NAAR - an Autism Society- my mom shot that down right away by offering to pay for any 'real' favor i would pick out - so I will still make a small donation but since my mom is paying for the favors i can get whatever i want

it's too funny how anyone could think that a donation is ever a bad thing! but i know that all the italians that will be at my wedding will be expecting a traditional favor - and if they dont get one it doesnt matter what the rest of my wedding is like - for them it will be a disgrace! lol

Mooshyboo Posted: Jul 11, 2006 01:01 PM

Re: Honest opinions please

I love the idea 2... I have been to a lot of wedding that have done the donation favor.. you can put something in the middle of the table or I have even seen like a little card at every couples seat with a little note w some candy...

I think it is such a GREAT idea... Good Luck!

sr081906 Posted: Jul 11, 2006 01:27 PM

Re: Honest opinions please

I am not doing a donation favor but I could not imagine that a guest gets offended for not having a gift worse $2-$10.

Most favors go right to the trash or in a yard sales after being in a junk box in the attic for years or being eaten in 10 seconds (candy favors).

Whoever has been to a wedding knows that.

So.. do the donation favor if this is what you want to do.

greenfreak Posted: Jul 11, 2006 01:29 PM

Re: Honest opinions please

The first time I heard of a donation favor, I immediately thought of that episode of Seinfeld where George gives out donation cards to 'The Human Fund' as holiday presents to his co-workers. Ah, I miss Seinfeld.

I think it is a wonderful idea, I really do. But I have relatives who are negative and like to gossip. So I hear ya on the worries of what people will think.

But... if you think some of your guests are going to have negative things to say about it, you have to decide how much you care about them and their opinions.

Favors are not an integral part of weddings, IMHO. Some weddings I've been to didn't even have any favors. Nobody really noticed.

If you're going to spend $10 per person, it should MEAN something, rather than giving them some kind of chatchka (sp?) that many people won't use or throw away. A donation is a heck of a way to say that you care.

stephanief Posted: Jul 11, 2006 01:38 PM

Re: Honest opinions please

There is no need to give anything else, honestly, most people don't even notice the favors.....

jenn122397 Posted: Jul 11, 2006 02:01 PM

Re: Honest opinions please

I went to a wedding where they gave a donation. The bride's mom hand-made cookies and wrapped them in the most beautiful boxes. They were also giving out hot chocolate as we left. I thought it was a nice touch.

ant n tilde Posted: Jul 11, 2006 02:06 PM

Re: Honest opinions please

hmm i think that was my brother's wedding - lol i forgot about the cookies :)

DandS Posted: Jul 11, 2006 02:17 PM

Re: Honest opinions please

Thank You ladies!!! I am definitely going to do the donation, and now more than ever I am sure this is what I want to do. I will probably get these pink organza bags that I found on oriental trading with an embroidered pink ribbon on the front and put pink and white M&M's in it. That should only cost about $1.50 each, so that is not bad. Thanks again!

Chrissywish Posted: Jul 11, 2006 02:33 PM

Re: Honest opinions please

I think what you are doing is amazingly generous!!!! I probably will do a donation favor and something for them to take home (we'll see where the money falls) However, I know my mother likes the donation but wants something for everyone to take home. Everyone has their opinion. To me it sounds like you're doing plenty, and it's your wedding. So as long as you are happy i can't imagine your guests won't appreciate it!!!

metmymatch Posted: Jul 11, 2006 04:10 PM

Re: Honest opinions please

my sister did this and my mom had the same concerns. i think part of my mom's concern is that people don't know if $$ has really been donated or how much. but her main concern was teh older people would expect something. so, i recommended this to my sister - get a bulk bag of jordan almods, some tulle, some ribbon and put one together for each guest. it shouldn't cost more that $40 and it will appease those who expect something. if you want to take it a step further, you can attach a little note with the meaning of the almonds (i think it's an italian tradition where you are supposed to give 5 to each guest?) so that people think it's cute. also, be sure to put a donation cards on the table.

what my sister wound up doing.... she made a donation to susan b. koeman and got a pink ribbon pin for everyone. she got pink card stock and printed up a donation card for everyone, attached the pin to it, inserted it into an envelop and tied a pink ribbon around it.

lisad117 Posted: Jul 11, 2006 05:02 PM

Re: Honest opinions please

We made a donation in my husband's sister's memory since she passed away from cancer while we were engaged. We made a scroll that talked about it being in her memory and why we chose that foundation. We also put did a candy favor of hershey's kissed wrapped in tulle on the tables. And our place card holders were those mini chairs that hold a pic so that was sort of a favor as well.

Everyone loved the idea of the donation favor and some people even took the scroll home even though it was just something I had made.

I think it's completely up to you whether or not you have something in addition to the donation but I think that most people just wind up throwing out alot of the favors.