Brides Helping Brides ™ - honoring my dad....ideas????

cupcake79 Posted: Jun 07, 2009 12:42 AM

honoring my dad....ideas????

My dad passed away and I am trying to figure out a way to honor him at our wedding.....I could not fathom having an empty chair.....a candle okay but i feel like its not enough....I dont know what to do

Im getting Married Posted: Jun 07, 2009 12:48 AM

Re: honoring my dad....ideas????

I have this same problem & was talking with my mom..I am thinking of having the DJ announce my father's favorite song and dancing with either my mom or FH

cavvento Posted: Jun 07, 2009 01:00 AM

Re: honoring my dad....ideas????

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss....

I am going to be honoring my uncle by asking his son (my cousin) to play one of my uncle's favorite songs on the guitar. This will be during the ceremony, since it happens to be Morning Has Broken

You can also put up the wedding picture from your parents' wedding at the reception hall, and maybe a photo of you and your dad (you can get a double frame). you can put a photo from your FH's parents' wedding as well so it doesn't seem like a memorial.

VicsChick Posted: Jun 07, 2009 01:29 AM

Re: honoring my dad....ideas????

I think those are all great ideas. Have a beautiful flower centerpiece/arrangement with the photographs in his memory.

MrsBtobe2009 Posted: Jun 07, 2009 08:45 AM

Re: honoring my dad....ideas????

I have this really nice poem that I am putting on my programs to honor my mom. I am also doing the candle, having a picture of her next to the candle, and including her in the photo montage (obviously) The poem is:

In Our Heart

We thought of you with love today.
But that is nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday.
And the days before that too.
We think of you in silence.
We often speak your name.
Now all we have is memories.
And your picture in a frame.
Your memory is our keep sake.
With which we'll never part.
God has you in his keeping.
We have you in our heart.

unknown Author

HTH

Novbride09 Posted: Jun 07, 2009 09:07 AM

Re: honoring my dad....ideas????

My dad and FH's mom both passed we don't want to make it too somber so we will have something in the program , a dedication page and it will just say ' Present today in spirit and in our hearts' and then have a line or two from a song...we will also include them in the montage. We are making donations in everyone's name to the American Cancer Society as both parents passed from cancer.

08JulyBride Posted: Jun 07, 2009 09:24 AM

Re: honoring my dad....ideas????

I lost my dad 15 years ago, when I was 14. I had the alter flowers in his memory with a special dedication note printed up in the church's bulletin. Looking back, i would have also put a note in our programs because most people didn't look at the bulletin or know about the flowers. (the 2 flower arrangements behind us in my avatar pic)

i think of him every time i hear a particular song, so i had it played during dinner.. no announcement, it was something special for just me. my immediate family picked up on the meaning when it played too.

I also chose not do any of the special dances since i didn't have him and DH's mom is in a wheelchair.

MsPotterhead Posted: Jun 07, 2009 10:49 AM

Re: honoring my dad....ideas????

I lost my dad 3 months after being engaged, about a year before the wedding. DH lost his mom over 10 years ago. It was so hard to imagine walking down the aisle with out him. But I did, and our wedding was beautiful. There isn't a day I don't think about him. It was important to me to have him remembered at our wedding. My mom and sister didn't want it to be too somber either, or to take away the joy from my wedding.
I got a great idea from this site to put a picture of him in a locket and attach it to my bo-k, so he was walking with me. The Rabbi did mention him during our ceremony. We had a photo montage of us growing up, and both DH and I made sure we had plenty of pictures of my mom and his dad.
We did not do the father/daughter or mother/son dance - people had suggested I dance with his dad and he dance with my mom - I didn't want to do that - they are not replacements.
Of course I did dance with his dad, but it was just a random dance at some point in the night, not a big announcement or anything.
I really did have the most wonderful time, and you will too My mom lost it more than I did, and had to leave the room a couple of time.

Your wedding will be wonderful no matter what you do. My biggest advice is not to make it too somber by overdoing it.

MikeandJess Posted: Jun 07, 2009 10:53 AM

Re: honoring my dad....ideas????

I don't know if you have anything blue of his but my friend's father died in the 9/11 attacks and for her wedding they tore up one of his blue shirts and twisted little pieces to look like flowers and stuck it in her bo-q and that was her something blue.

Juhgail Posted: Jun 07, 2009 11:25 AM

Re: honoring my dad....ideas????

Hi cupcake.

First off if anyone reads this please dont take this post wrong. What I list below are things that I could not do. That does not mean its not right for YOU or works for YOU. I have respect for everyones ideas and what works for THEM.

I lost my sister 2 years ago. I have read many things on this board that equate to 'the empty chair' for me. I didnt want and could NOT have and empty chair, a memorial table with everyone pictures and candles, a photo frame with a poem, a photo frame with her picture. For ME it would make the day about loss instead about being the most wonderful day.

(and again, that does not mean its not right for other people)

So I am taking my sisters favorite necklace and wrapping it around the top of my Boquet. The girl that had the idea of a locket with your dads picture was a great idea. Or maybe there is a favorite set of cuff links, or a watch...something to put on the Boquet.

And I am so sorry for your loss.

This way its there for YOU and you dont have all these 'empty' constant reminders (empty chair, empty frame)

Ivansgirl Posted: Jun 07, 2009 12:06 PM

Re: honoring my dad....ideas????

FH mother passes away when he was in hs. We are planning the following to honor her
1) memorial candle at the church
along witha something in the program
2) our rh has fire places with mantles in the entrance and the reception room we are putting picture of his mom in both these places.
3) Play a song dedicated to his mom... his father is remarried.... so I think fh and I will dance together along with all his siblings and significant others.

HTH

Relish21 Posted: Jun 07, 2009 12:19 PM

Re: honoring my dad....ideas????

a friend of mine had a huge blown up pic of herself dancing with him at her sweet 16. right by the cake

SummerBride10 Posted: Jun 07, 2009 03:42 PM

Re: honoring my dad....ideas????

I'm trying to figure out something to do for my grandfather. If you're having a photo montage- maybe a little section dedicated to him? Or have a table for him, with pictures of the two of you and a candle there?

bigrd37 Posted: Jun 07, 2009 05:00 PM

Re: honoring my dad....ideas????

for my dad, and grandparents that weren't there, the officiant announced their names, we lit a candle during the ceremony which was brought into the reception. next to the candle in the reception, i had a vase of 8 yellow roses (that's the flower my dad always gave my mom) for each person that wasn't there. i also had a poem, which was listed in a previous post, as well as a picture of me and my dad.

i also had a bo-k charm of my dad's picture with me all day. i danced with my mom and had family pictures played behind us. oh and i made a donation in his name as part of the favors to st. judes, his fav charity.

i hope you are able to take a few different things that everyone suggests and make it your own to honor your father. just know he will be with you that day!!

dfw343 Posted: Jun 07, 2009 08:29 PM

Re: honoring my dad....ideas????

As you guys know, my dad just died last week.

So I decided.

No empty chair or Father/Daughter dance.

I am however doing the following:

Making a donation to cancer (what he died of) and putting a picture of him with an announcement why there are no favors.

I am Jewish but FH is not. So, he is going to break the glass at the end of the ceremony and we will have the officiant sate it is in honor of my Father.

Although I love my Daddy, I don't want to dwell on it at the wedding cuz I may break down

edit: I forgot..I too am putting a locket/pic on my BOK

Itsallhappening Posted: Jun 08, 2009 11:51 AM

Re: honoring my dad....ideas????

My father passed away about 5 yrs ago....

I think it is def impt to honor your father in some way while at the same time, trying not to depress anyone (for me, my mom in paricular)

This is what i have decided to do....

I will dance with my mom at my wedding and I asked the MC to announce that the dance is dedicated to my father.

Also, when u first walk in the hall, on one of the tables I am going to put just ONE picture...of my father, with a candle and a framed written note (or poem) from me and my FH

HTH and sorry for your loss

Soon2bMrsH Posted: Jun 08, 2009 11:58 AM

Re: honoring my dad....ideas????

im really sorry for your loss.

what about setting aside time for video clips of him? Maybe starting from when you were born to when he passed? And mayeb doing this during the time you would do the father daughter dance? just a suggestion

SusiBtoM Posted: Jun 08, 2009 12:32 PM

Re: honoring my dad....ideas????

I lost my mom 3 years before I got married, she never knew that I got engaged.
I didn't want to upset my dad or my sister - I just didn't feel that my wedding was the appropriate time for a memorial, and I wanted to keep my feelings private.

I did have a special candle that was lit before the ceremony started. The officiant did mention a few words about my mom and why we were lighting the candle. The lit candle was then placed on the sweetheart table for the reception.
I did have my mom's picture in a frame in my bo-k.
I wore (and still do) her wedding ring on my right hand. I just put my e-ring on top of it.
Introductions into the reception, I asked my niece (FG) to walk in with her Opa, so that he would not have to walk in alone.
The day after the wedding, my husband and I visited my mom's grave, and I placed a mini-version of my bo-k there.

So other than the candle and some who noticed the picture in my bo-k, the rest was very private.

nraboni Posted: Jun 08, 2009 02:13 PM

Re: honoring my dad....ideas????

I lost my mom almost two years ago and FH lost his dad when he was 10. What I plan on doing is having the officiant say the following in the preamble of our ceremony:

“It is Nicole and Joseph’s wish that as we get started today you all join with them in a moment to remember Joseph’s Father Jim and Nicole’s Mother Christine.

I thought of you with love today but that is nothing new
I thought about you yesterday and days before that too,
I think of you in silence I often speak your name
All I have are memories and your picture in a frame
Your memory is my keepsake with which I’ll never part
God has you in His keeping I have you in my heart.

May they know that they are loved, and remembered always.”

I am also planning on putting her picture in a frame and having the florist put one on my bouquet and one on my sister's bouquet.

lauraandrob2009 Posted: Jun 08, 2009 03:00 PM

Re: honoring my dad....ideas????

I will have a locket with my Dad's pic on my bouquet. We will have a memorial candle lit in honor of he and my brother who both died of cancer on the alter at church prior to beginning the ceremony. At the RH I will have lots of pics of them during happier times. And we aren't doing Mother Son dance because I can't deal with that. FH and FMIL totally understand and are going to dance to a regular slow song at some point during the night - but nothing spotlighting them.