hotel rooms for guests etiquette ?

antoinette Posted: Sep 16, 2002 10:27 AM

hotel rooms for guests etiquette ?

my mom said that we should pay for the hotel rooms for out of towners- i was a little bit shocked i didnt know that this sas the way it was done. what do you guys think/ are doing?

dcbride Posted: Sep 16, 2002 10:31 AM

Re: hotel rooms for guests etiquette ?

I have never had anyone pay for my room. I thought you just were supposed to invited them to the RD and maybe leave them a little welcome basket.

debbus Posted: Sep 16, 2002 10:34 AM

Re: hotel rooms for guests etiquette ?

I would be shocked too!
There is no way I would pay for the out of town guests and have never heard that it would be expected.
We have 13 rooms reserved at $109 a piece!! Thats crazy!
We gave guests the hotel information and let them do their own thing.
We will be making gift baskets and having them delivered to the rooms. I think that's enough.

ddunne23 Posted: Sep 16, 2002 10:36 AM

Re: hotel rooms for guests etiquette ?

You absolutely DO NOT have to pay for out of town guest accomodations. Sure, I would love to be able to fork out the cash for my whole FI's family and friends that are traveling, but that is just not how it works. When out of towners are invited to a wedding, most are aware that their travel arrangements are on their own dollar. Sorry to say, but your mom is incorrect. But a nice welcome basket of goodies for their room is always a nice gesture on the bride and groom's part.

zac1228 Posted: Sep 16, 2002 10:44 AM

Re: hotel rooms for guests etiquette ?

Paying for out-of-town guests is a VERY old tradition and one they would do when there were a few close relatives you wanted at the wedding. No one pays for guests rooms anymore, except maybe the bridal party, but even that is rare. If your mom wants to pay for her out-of-town guests, then tell her she can do so on her own, but that is not your responsibility. (My mom did pay for 2 rooms for 2 of her nephews at my brother's wedding 3 years ago and will probably be doing the same at mine, but this is her choice and her money. It is not coming out of mine or my FH's pocket.)

michele31 Posted: Sep 16, 2002 10:48 AM

Re: hotel rooms for guests etiquette ?

According to 'etiquette' a couple ONLY pays for accomdations for an officant (Priest, minister etc..) if he/she is invited to perform a ceremony out of town. I think in some circles bridal party rooms may be paid for, but I do not think that is written in etiquette books.
Guests are always expected to pay for their own rooms. If your Mom would like to pay for all the out of towners rooms, tell her that is very nice of her. But if she expects YOU to pay, then go get an etiquette book and photocopy the page about paying for rooms.

michele31 Posted: Sep 16, 2002 10:54 AM

Re: hotel rooms for guests etiquette ?

I found this online at weddingchannel.com

Q- I am a mother-of-the-bride and we will have a lot of out-of-town guests at our daughter's wedding. Are we responsible for paying the hotel accommodations for these guests? Also, my daughter says the groom's parents are supposed to invite and pay for all out-of-town guests at the rehearsal dinner. Is this true?

A-The tradition has been that out-of-town wedding guests are responsible for paying for their accommodations and transportation themselves. Perhaps you're thinking of the long-standing guideline that the bride and groom (or their families) pay for any lodging expenses their attendants incur.

The question of whether it is obligatory to invite out-of-town guests to the rehearsal dinner does come up often. The answer is no. It's entirely optional to invite them. Those who should be invited to the rehearsal dinner are: the bride and groom; their parents (and stepparents, if applicable); their grandparents; any children from the couple's previous marriages; the attendants and their spouses; the officiant and his or her spouse, and the bride's and groom's siblings and spouses. Also invited are fiancées, fiancés, and live-in companions of the attendants and siblings. Finally, if the dinner hour isn't too late, the flower girl and ring bearer are invited (if supervised).

antoinette Posted: Sep 16, 2002 10:57 AM

Re: hotel rooms for guests etiquette ?

my mom said that she would pay, but to be quite honest i can think of better ways to spend 1500 plus dollars- you know...especially since it is not normally done

antoinette Posted: Sep 16, 2002 11:02 AM

Re: hotel rooms for guests etiquette ?

thanks michele im going to give this to my mom and save her a bundle

yabbobay Posted: Sep 16, 2002 11:26 AM

Re: hotel rooms for guests etiquette ?

my parents hosted a dinner near the hotel the night before(our RD was 2 nights before) and then a brunch the next morning...she invited hotel guests and very close family...

I think this was more than enough...

chmpgnrose Posted: Jan 15, 2003 03:01 PM

Re: hotel rooms for guests etiquette ?

My mother wanted the same thing since she claims her 'situation' is different, but she said that she will pay for hotels for her extended family only. I didn't agree as I didn't know it was proper for bride's parents or bride and groom to pay for guests' hotel and travel expenses. As a guest of other people's wedding I have never expected such expenses to be paid for. We did blocked 5 hotels which came to almost 75 rooms total for our wedding which only 5% were used as many refused to stay in our hotels that we've blocked.

To make matters worse... these snotty OOT guests demanded and threaten transportation services to be provided on a round trip basis from ceremony to reception to hotel which we did provided. In the end, my mother gave in with the transportation requests and not paid for hotel or any travelling expenses. It's a favor not a duty for the bride's family or bride and groom to pay for travel and lodging expenses as well as transportation. It's certainly NOT an obligation or a duty that we must provide such requests and demands. Never heard such snotty, demanding requests and threats from any guests.

regina2 Posted: Jan 15, 2003 03:24 PM

Re: hotel rooms for guests etiquette ?

My FI was in a wedding over the summer and we paid for transportation, lodging, and gift. The couple paid for his tux.

The one thing I forgot to add was the wedding was in England. So we had to pay for a flight there...we both knew we would have to pay for the travel expenses (including hotel). Not a big deal, just the expense you need to pay to go to a wedding if you really want to go to it.

sept20yay! Posted: Jan 15, 2003 03:31 PM

Re: hotel rooms for guests etiquette ?

I simply can not afford to do that! My stomach is queasy at the thought of what this wedding is costing! I will pay for the bridesmaids rooms.

Betty Posted: Jan 15, 2003 07:40 PM

Re: hotel rooms for guests etiquette ?

No way is this true!!! I went to my brothers wedding in Rochester last summer and we all stayed in a hotel (we were in the bridal party and there were like 100 people in the hotel) We are also going to my other brothers wedding (which I again in the bridal party) in New Hampshire next summer and again the whole family will pay for their own hotels, myself included.

Unfortunately some may not be able to afford to attend but in no way should you be responsible to pay for everyone. I know me personally would be BROKER than BROKE (which I am now)