Ok girls, I'm crunching numbers here. My parents are gracious enough to pay for up to 225 ppl (our minimum guarantee) at our wedding. My side is 135 ppl. BUT.....FH's family and friends come out to 188 people!!!! He has 70 friends and the rest are his family. His family is HUGE and he isnt close to 85% of them. But FIL's insist we invite all these ppl. FH explained that we are about 100 ppl over what my parents are paying for. (Granted, not everyone will come, but I doubt 100 ppl will decline.) How the heck am I supposed to cut this list down? There are cousins on this list FH doesnt even like!!! Should we just not invite them and disregard what his parents tell us?? HELP!
JLWSJC
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Re: how did u cut down your guestist??
I'd go through with FH and make a list of the people you could do without from his side and then bring it to FH's parents, ask them who they HAVE to have there, whoa re they willing to pay for since those people will be beyond what your parents are paying for, and see what they say.
If you're inviting them cause FIL's say so and not cause you want them there and they're not paying, then too bad. No invite.
ETA, from the beginning, my dad was talking about inviting his cousins from MN and CA that I've never met and he hasn't seen in years... 'they're family, you have to at least extend the invite' he kept telling me... and I told HIM that I didn't want people there I didn't know or care much about and I didn't want and wouldn't be able to afford a huge wedding.... and I eventually knocked some sense into him.
FutureMrsG
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Re: how did u cut down your guestist??
The only way we were able to cut down our list with out major family drama was to cut all the +1's from anyone who was not in a serious relationship.In the end it helped a lot. We had a lot of OOT guests and our decline rate was a little over 33%.
jcreilly
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Re: how did u cut down your guestist??
I would cut out co workers and anyone you have not spoke to in 4 years, But you can not cut out family!
MikesBride2B
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Re: how did u cut down your guestist??
Posted by jcreilly
I would cut out co workers and anyone you have not spoke to in 4 years, But you can not cut out family!
I disagree, a lot of my family didn't make the cut.
We kept it down by not giving anyone with a serious relationship, engagement or marriage a +1...I also did not invite any family that I do not have some sort of relationship. This meant inviting my cousin but not her brothers (whom I have never met). If they get offended they can shove it for all I care, I wanted to celebrate with the people I know and love and the people who have supported me...same with FH. There are maybe a handful of people either/neither of us knows personally because they were very important friends of parents.
Even that being said, we wanted to keep it to 130 invited but we're inviting almost 160...so it does get a little out of control. If only your parents are paying, I'd just give your FIL's a # and tell them if they want to have more people than that, they're going to have to pay for them. You and your parents are not made of money.
April_Luv
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Re: how did u cut down your guestist??
Posted by MikesBride2B
Posted by jcreilly
I would cut out co workers and anyone you have not spoke to in 4 years, But you can not cut out family!
I disagree, a lot of my family didn't make the cut.
We kept it down by not giving anyone with a serious relationship, engagement or marriage a +1...I also did not invite any family that I do not have some sort of relationship. This meant inviting my cousin but not her brothers (whom I have never met). If they get offended they can shove it for all I care, I wanted to celebrate with the people I know and love and the people who have supported me...same with FH. There are maybe a handful of people either/neither of us knows personally because they were very important friends of parents.
Even that being said, we wanted to keep it to 130 invited but we're inviting almost 160...so it does get a little out of control. If only your parents are paying, I'd just give your FIL's a # and tell them if they want to have more people than that, they're going to have to pay for them. You and your parents are not made of money.
ITA!!!!!! If FH family wants to invite EVERYONE-they can pay as well...........
MrsDR2010
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Re: how did u cut down your guestist??
I just did aunts and uncles because my family is huge and I just couldn't get into cousins and what not. I'm having just friends in my BP.
christine2010
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Re: how did u cut down your guestist??
The best way to cut your list without too much drama is to sit everyone down (you, your FH, your parents & his parents). Then have your parents say how much they are willing to spend. & take it from there. If FHs parents are willing to pay for the extra guests then you don't have to worry about cutting the list.
Jen84
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Re: how did u cut down your guestist??
we still have a huge list- my list is ppl who i actually know and have a relationship with but there are many ppl on fh's side that are being invited that he doesnt even know... we've already cut down and there are still too many, im afraid to look at the list again... what we definitly did was not invite +1 unless you are in a serious relationship. We only invited +1 if we knew that the person wasnt going to know anybody else at the wedding
FutureJOC
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Re: how did u cut down your guestist??
I went by one basic rule when we first made the list (and when we first starting cutting from the list):
If I haven't seen/communicated with this person in over a year and don't forsee myself doing so before the wedding than they are no invited.
We want our wedding to be celebrated with the people that are always there for us and we don't feel it's a time for us to invite everyone we have ever met in our lives just to invite them. Honestly, the bulk of our guest list is all family and friends that are close enough to us to be considered family.
blu6385
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Re: how did u cut down your guestist??
i cut out +1 for anyone who was not in a seriuos relationship and i did no children
allornil
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Re: how did u cut down your guestist??
I used a big red marker! lol
ZIP! ZIP! ZIP!
ok kidding aside here's my opinion. If you haven't seen or spoken to them in 5 years...cross them off. If they're 5th cousins...cross them off. kids? cross them off.
My FH seems to want to invite everyone that he ever met. I just said no...ZIP!
Lil OC
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Re: how did u cut down your guestist??
Thanks girls. This is so stressful. We are over by more than 100ppl! Last nite FH spoke to his parents about this. His mom said that they MAY be able to help out by giving us 10k. But honestly that doesnt cover all of these ppl. Secondly, my room isn't that big and I dont want it to be super tight and uncomfortable. And thirdly, FH wants to cut cousins if anyone has to be cut but his parents arent having that. Ughhh!!!
allornil
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Re: how did u cut down your guestist??
Posted by Lil OC
Thanks girls. This is so stressful. We are over by more than 100ppl! Last nite FH spoke to his parents about this. His mom said that they MAY be able to help out by giving us 10k. But honestly that doesnt cover all of these ppl. Secondly, my room isn't that big and I dont want it to be super tight and uncomfortable. And thirdly, FH wants to cut cousins if anyone has to be cut but his parents arent having that. Ughhh!!!
honestly be tough. This is your day. Go through the people you don't care about and cut them. You don't want your room overcrowded.
Jennifer2184
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Re: how did u cut down your guestist??
Posted by blu6385
i cut out +1 for anyone who was not in a seriuos relationship and i did no children
thats what I did too
FutureMrsDe
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Re: how did u cut down your guestist??
see if his parents will pay for any of his family . but definitly cut down on people with guests
JBC12510
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Re: how did u cut down your guestist??
we're considering not invtiting +1s unless in the bridal party or a serious relationship. We havent really decided yet.
I feel your pain though, our list keeps snowballing. We were at 140 now we're at 190.
Lady12
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Re: how did u cut down your guestist??
I am the Queen of this! I have been so stricted with my guestlist that sometimes I am afraid I might be under! From day one I said my wedding would be no more than 100 people no matter what! I cut out children, excepts for our nieces and nephews (no little cousins, sorry). Our number one rule was if you have not met my fiance in the 8 years we have been together, then you dont need to be there, and this includes plus ones! (for the most part, I let one or two go dpending on circumstances). I will admit that it created some tension with some people but I dont care and I told my mom. People have some nerve getting upset for not being invited to my wedding, when they have not said a word to me since I was 12! FH and I are paying for this wedding ourselves, and it was very very important to us to have only people there who truly care about us.
This is your wedding! You and FH should invite who you want there!
April_Luv
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Re: how did u cut down your guestist??
Posted by Lady12
I am the Queen of this! I have been so stricted with my guestlist that sometimes I am afraid I might be under! From day one I said my wedding would be no more than 100 people no matter what! I cut out children, excepts for our nieces and nephews (no little cousins, sorry). Our number one rule was if you have not met my fiance in the 8 years we have been together, then you dont need to be there, and this includes plus ones! (for the most part, I let one or two go dpending on circumstances). I will admit that it created some tension with some people but I dont care and I told my mom. People have some nerve getting upset for not being invited to my wedding, when they have not said a word to me since I was 12! FH and I are paying for this wedding ourselves, and it was very very important to us to have only people there who truly care about us.
This is your wedding! You and FH should invite who you want there!
ITA- Tell it girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MongieToBe
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Re: how did u cut down your guestist??
We both have big families but as far as extended family, if we don't talk to them / see them, then most weren't invited. My mom has 19 first cousins just on her dad's side. The line needs to be drawn somehwere. It wasn't even about the money (my parents are very generously paying for the wedding) but we just didn''t want a huge wedding with people we are not close to. We want to have a kickasss party with our closest family & friends. Our guest list is still at 220 and that's plenty for us.
It's not right for your FIL's to invite all these people and then just expect your parents to pick up the tab(or you & FH since you said you will go over your minimum) if they aren't even close to these people. JMO though. Good luck!!
