How do I....

Nicely tell my friend that I can not afford to be in his wedding right now and need to drop out as being a bridesmaid?!

The wedding is four months away and it is in Ohio. I would have to fly there the night before and leave the morning after. The tickets alone are about $300 round trip plus hotel, taxi, gift and chipping in for a bridal shower that I will not even be at. Right now I just don't have that kind of money because I need to get a new car since mine is costing me more and more money then it is even worth.

How do I do this? Do i do it in a text, email, call, letter, skype?

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Posted by ladygoodman

The best way would be on the phone or skype. But realize with the wedding so close you may just wind up losing a friend. I understand its a lot financially but 4 months is really close to be dropping out.

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I agree with the above and say definitely not a text.

And I totally understand your reasoning, but I might not tell him exactly it's for saving up for a car because it sounds a little selfish. I know it's not at all and you have to do what's best for you, but for your friend - he's going to think this is the most important day in his life, he asked you to be a very special part of that day which means you are special to him, and I'm sure so close to the wedding he's a little stressed/emotional so he may think the car is just an excuse. I know if it were me, I would be thinking, you knew about this for how long, why didn't you plan better? But also if it were me and I heard my bridesmaid were struggling I would want to try to work it out with her so I could make sure she could still be a part of it.

Are you still planning to attend the wedding? If so, that would still require the flight, hotel, taxi and the two gifts, so the expense for anything else (i.e. the dress) would be minimal. If you are planning to drop out of the wedding totally, as the bride I'd be very offended that you went from a bridesmaid to a no-show with 4 months to go.

Edited for spelling.

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Posted by ladygoodman

The best way would be on the phone or skype. But realize with the wedding so close you may just wind up losing a friend. I understand its a lot financially but 4 months is really close to be dropping out.

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I agree with this. This is something you really should have thought about when you accepted. Imagine putting yourself in the brides shoes & how you would feel if someone did that to you.

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Posted by BrideToB

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Posted by ladygoodman

The best way would be on the phone or skype. But realize with the wedding so close you may just wind up losing a friend. I understand its a lot financially but 4 months is really close to be dropping out.

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I agree with the above and say definitely not a text.

And I totally understand your reasoning, but I might not tell him exactly it's for saving up for a car because it sounds a little selfish. I know it's not at all and you have to do what's best for you, but for your friend - he's going to think this is the most important day in his life, he asked you to be a very special part of that day which means you are special to him, and I'm sure so close to the wedding he's a little stressed/emotional so he may think the car is just an excuse. I know if it were me, I would be thinking, you knew about this for how long, why didn't you plan better? But also if it were me and I heard my bridesmaid were struggling I would want to try to work it out with her so I could make sure she could still be a part of it.

Are you still planning to attend the wedding? If so, that would still require the flight, hotel, taxi and the two gifts, so the expense for anything else (i.e. the dress) would be minimal. If you are planning to drop out of the wedding totally, as the bride I'd be very offended that you went from a bridesmaid to a no-show with 4 months to go.

Edited for spelling.

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I completely agree with this!

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Posted by Soon2BeMrsMango

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Posted by ladygoodman

The best way would be on the phone or skype. But realize with the wedding so close you may just wind up losing a friend. I understand its a lot financially but 4 months is really close to be dropping out.

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I agree with this. This is something you really should have thought about when you accepted. Imagine putting yourself in the brides shoes & how you would feel if someone did that to you.

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This. If someone called me 4 months before the wedding and told me they couldn't be in it anymore I would be very upset and very stressed out.

I agree with all of the above! I understand your situation. I am a bridesmaid in a wedding in Pittsburgh this weekend and had to pay a lot for plane tix, hotel, car rental, etc. while I am trying to save money for our new house. However, I couldn't imagine ever telling her I was dropping out because of it, I knew it would be costly when I agreed to be in the wedding.

I would definitely call him, not send a text or email!

I agree with all the other posts... think about your wedding.. would you want a close friend that agreed to be in your wedding to tell you 4 months before hand that they weren't going to come? This happened to our friends that got married last year and they were very hurt. Their groomsman dropped out about 3 months before the wedding so it was a little closer but they were hurt and they were stressed about whether or not to ask someone else to make it even and if it was worth it and it was just added stress they didn't need.

You still have to do what's best for you but being a bridesmaid is a lot of work and a huge commitment... good luck!

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Posted by BrideToB

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Posted by ladygoodman

The best way would be on the phone or skype. But realize with the wedding so close you may just wind up losing a friend. I understand its a lot financially but 4 months is really close to be dropping out.

---

I agree with the above and say definitely not a text.

And I totally understand your reasoning, but I might not tell him exactly it's for saving up for a car because it sounds a little selfish. I know it's not at all and you have to do what's best for you, but for your friend - he's going to think this is the most important day in his life, he asked you to be a very special part of that day which means you are special to him, and I'm sure so close to the wedding he's a little stressed/emotional so he may think the car is just an excuse. I know if it were me, I would be thinking, you knew about this for how long, why didn't you plan better? But also if it were me and I heard my bridesmaid were struggling I would want to try to work it out with her so I could make sure she could still be a part of it.

Are you still planning to attend the wedding? If so, that would still require the flight, hotel, taxi and the two gifts, so the expense for anything else (i.e. the dress) would be minimal. If you are planning to drop out of the wedding totally, as the bride I'd be very offended that you went from a bridesmaid to a no-show with 4 months to go.

Edited for spelling.

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I agree with this.

If the only thing stopping you from attending the wedding are financial constraints, can you speak with your friend aboout your finances and ask him to help you brainstorm solutions?

For example, can you stay with a family friend or share your hotel room with someone to reduce the cost of lodging. Can you arrive the morning of the wedding and miss the rehearsal dinner... you can also ask if you can send the 'gift' shortly after you return. I think you speaking with him to find solutions will go over better than you calling to drop out so close to the wedding.

Your friend must really care about you to ask you to be in his wedding and I can imagine this is difficult for you; hopefully you can work something out where you can attend.

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Posted by msmrstrulyblessed

If the only thing stopping you from attending the wedding are financial constraints, can you speak with your friend aboout your finances and ask him to help you brainstorm solutions?

For example, can you stay with a family friend or share your hotel room with someone to reduce the cost of lodging. Can you arrive the morning of the wedding and miss the rehearsal dinner... you can also ask if you can send the 'gift' shortly after you return. I think you speaking with him to find solutions will go over better than you calling to drop out so close to the wedding.

Your friend must really care about you to ask you to be in his wedding and I can imagine this is difficult for you; hopefully you can work something out where you can attend.

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This! I think trying to find a solution to the cost problem would be best, especially asking them for input, so they know your whole situation. I believe dropping out this close will put your friendship in jeopardy. But at the end of the day you gotta do what you gotta do, just talk about these problems with your friend.

Hope that Helps!

I agree with everyone else, I think dropping out with four months notice would definitely be stressful and hurtful for your friend and his bride. By this point, they will have everything planned and paid for.
If anyone asked me to be a bridesmaid, I would think long and hard if I can truly afford to bear all the expense associated with it, before I commit to something.
Just put yourself in their shoes, how would you feel if one of your bridesmaids dropped out 4 months before your wedding?
I would try to work out a solution with your friend. Maybe you don't have to chip in for the bridal shower, maybe you can share your hotel room with someone. There are definitely ways to save. Just talk to your friend about your financial problems, and don't drop out unless you have no other choice.