how do you deal with a spouse or s/o who doesn't pick up after themselves???

how do you deal with a spouse or s/o who doesn't pick up after themselves???

my dh can clean up after himself, but doesn't. i know he CAN do it, but everyday, i come home and his shoes are in the middle of the kitchen, his clothing is draped on a kitchen chair, his half eaten bagel is sitting there next to the computer, the bed is not made, the bathroom looks like we have 10 kids...usually i just straighten up, but damn, i don't feel like it sometimes. what do i do? i'm ready to take a mini vacation just for myself so that he can deal with all his $h!t by himself, but that sounds so heartless. any tips???

Re: how do you deal with a spouse or s/o who doesn't pick up after themselves???

I have moments like you just described. I'd like to just not do it - not clean, not cook, not pick up, not straighten until he takes the initiative ... but I'm the one who can't live like that so who does it spite???

Re: how do you deal with a spouse or s/o who doesn't pick up after themselves???

You sound like you just walked in to my house! If I spend the night away, I come home and there are two days of dinner dishes on the table all crusty and nasty. I try to just leave them but does he get the hint? I finally can't take it anymore and pick them up.

Re: how do you deal with a spouse or s/o who doesn't pick up after themselves???

throw it out-THEY LEARN after a while

Re: how do you deal with a spouse or s/o who doesn't pick up after themselves???

I have MANY moments like this ... it seems that he got even worse AFTER we were married(I point this out because we did live together before marriage, so I'm not sure what increased this habit or what...)

I also tried the old 'leave it a mess until he cleans it up' but I would find that he would STILL not clean it up.. for DAYS! Such as I'd let the dirty dishes stay in the sink for days, figuring he'd realize this (becuase you literally have to reach OVER the sink to get a clean dish ... ) but silly me realized that DH has tunnel vision and yes he'd prefer ignoring the mess than cleaning the mess he'd already made in the 1st place!

Anyhow, after finally having it up to HERE with this, I just had to let him have it. His answer? For me to 'remind' him to clean up and put things away... Yes I guess it was also 'my job' to let him know when the mess was bothering ME and to TELL HIM to clean up

I told him I was NOT his mother , nor did I want the title 'nagging wife' - and simply put, that the apartment would remain a pigsty and I would refuse to do any of his laundry, cleaning the litter box, general cleaning , etc. until he started shaping up...

So did it work? Well yes and no -- but it did improve and he is more aware of his messiness, which I guess is the 1st step

My point is just let your DH know its pi$$ing you off ... they truly don't have a clue sometimes , and its made worse when they know eventually we'll give in and clean up after them in the end

Re: how do you deal with a spouse or s/o who doesn't pick up after themselves???

Re: how do you deal with a spouse or s/o who doesn't pick up after themselves???

Re: how do you deal with a spouse or s/o who doesn't pick up after themselves???

you guys are right. i'd be fine if i could live like that, but i like things to be neat and orderly. you know...i don't like to trip over shoes in the kitchen or not be able to open the door b/c the shoes are blocking it. i mean, he will cook (we share) and wash dishes, but i could not tell you the last time he cleaned the bathroom. laundry??? well, i did about 7 loads two weekends ago. i told him i'd put the clothes away but if he could match up all the socks, that would be awesome. asked him for about a week, finally, monday night, i did it. i mean, i know he's working and is stressed, but SO AM I!!! and that is why i like the place to be neat. i'm not asking for spotless and immaculate, but just neat!!! i'm i asking too much?

Re: how do you deal with a spouse or s/o who doesn't pick up after themselves???

I want to kill him when he does this, but then I remember he works 6 days a week, commutes into NYC from NPT every day, doesn't come home till 11pm 5 of those nights, so I cut him some slack.
On other days, I show him this to put a little fire under his a$$ ...
JK

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Re: how do you deal with a spouse or s/o who doesn't pick up after themselves???

I am not married yet but I have been living with FH for over 3 years.....I am constantly cleaning up after him. I am sorry but I have no tips for you! Like Felicia said its possible he just might not get it. They do have tunnel vision.

He thinks that hes cleaning if he puts the coke can on the counter. At least he brings it in from the living room. NOPE - then I have to rinse it out and put it in the recycle bin.

Re: how do you deal with a spouse or s/o who doesn't pick up after themselves???

This is sooo typical of most MEN, right, I don't know what it is either-especially the Socks, they just always end up on the floor in random places whenever hubby comes home, they come off and are lying around. This is the thing with me, I don't pick up most of the time after him because then they get use to that and will never do it themselves, I don't go on and on and nag them because thats just annoying and aggravating...so what usually ends up is they are on the floor for about a day, sometimes a few and then my husband will get into this major pick up session and pick up all his stuff at one time....That is satisfying enough for me. Try that.

Re: how do you deal with a spouse or s/o who doesn't pick up after themselves???

Re: how do you deal with a spouse or s/o who doesn't pick up after themselves???

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Posted by AndreaLMT

I want to kill him when he does this, but then I remember he works 6 days a week, commutes into NYC from NPT every day, doesn't come home till 11pm 5 of those nights, so I cut him some slack.
On other days, I show him this to put a little fire under his a$$ ...
JK

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Andrea!!! you're my hero!!!

yeah, i cut him slack. i clean up after him. his neck hurt yesterday, so i cleaned off his car and shoveled so he wouldn't have to. I PUT HIS CLOTHING AWAY!!!

and i think we'd get divorced if i threw his stuff away. if he was my son, yes, but my spouse... i don't know. and as for nagging...i don't want to and he has asked me not to nag. he says i only have to ask him once. like yesterday...sorry, i'm venting. but we have baby wipes for those bathroom times but i've asked him not to flush them. it isn't our toilet and i don't want our landlord kicking us out b/c we've ruined the septic system. so i thought about how i would ask him not to do this. so i start to nicely ask him and he gets mad b/c i asked him like seven times. i tell him that is b/c he keeps interrupting me, so i have to start my thought all over. sorry i think i just need to vent b/c i'm tired of being his maid.

Re: how do you deal with a spouse or s/o who doesn't pick up after themselves???

I thorugh tantrums and yell..

but doesn't seem to be working

Re: how do you deal with a spouse or s/o who doesn't pick up after themselves???

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Posted by oct.2004bride

I thorugh tantrums and yell..

but doesn't seem to be working

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lesson #1

that doesn't work

Re: how do you deal with a spouse or s/o who doesn't pick up after themselves???

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Posted by don424

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Posted by oct.2004bride

I thorugh tantrums and yell..

but doesn't seem to be working

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lesson #1

that doesn't work

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so don...what does???

Re: how do you deal with a spouse or s/o who doesn't pick up after themselves???

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Posted by soon2bmrsp06

throw it out-THEY LEARN after a while

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if my stuff ever got thrown out, she'd be in the grabage looking for it

Re: how do you deal with a spouse or s/o who doesn't pick up after themselves???

I finally decided not to do his laundry since he has not done ONE LOAD since November...I figured when he ran out of boxers, he would have to, right? HE STARTED WEARING THEM INSIDE OUT!!!!!!!! One day I really felt so fed up I started crying and saying I would not be that nagging wife. It helped. For a week. I have to remind him to flush the toilet! Apparently in his parents' house they did not flush the toilet!

Re: how do you deal with a spouse or s/o who doesn't pick up after themselves???

Re: how do you deal with a spouse or s/o who doesn't pick up after themselves???