how do you tell your fmil

summer06bride Posted: Jul 11, 2005 04:24 PM

how do you tell your fmil

that your bridal party is big enough? And that you dont need a representative from each family in the bridal party. My fiance and I are trying to keep this bridal party as small as possible. We already have 14 not including 6 kids. She says we still ask another two of his cousins. Is she crazy? Does she want to pay for their gift and another limo to fit everyone in? Ok I needed to vent. Thanks for listening!

JanuaryBride06 Posted: Jul 11, 2005 04:26 PM

Re: how do you tell your fmil

Two words: united front. FH can speak to her and tell her nicely but FIRMLY that the both of you have decided that there are plenty of people in YOUR bridal party.

ETA - hope it works out in your favor

july06bride Posted: Jul 11, 2005 04:30 PM

Re: how do you tell your fmil

YOUR bridal party!!!!!!!

I went through something like this with my FMIL- she wanted me to have fh's brother's girlfriend of 5 years- but on and off- I refused! we are not close! she makes no attempt to be close! and I wanted who i wanted! IF she were married to him i would have probably sucked it up.BUT they arent

GUESS WHAT - THEY BROKE UP! So thank goodness I didnt ask her cause I would not have wanted her in it! SO, you have to do this your way! a bridal party are those people who are SPECIAL to the couple, not every tom **** and harry you or your fmil know... Stick to your guns in a united front...and DONT GIVE IN!

good luck!

MissingTheBGene Posted: Jul 11, 2005 04:30 PM

Re: how do you tell your fmil

WHAT? No. I agree with the united front. They can do something else, like a reading or whatnot. Holy cow! Sorry...

iffer042373 Posted: Jul 11, 2005 04:32 PM

Re: how do you tell your fmil

first off its your wedding not hers and second of all you should ask who you and FH want to ask to be in the BP not his mother or your mother or anyone so if it was important to your FH that these 2 cousins are in the BP then he would of asked them. Don't let anyone take control of your day.

I had a problem with my MIL that she wanted certain kids invited to the wedding I told her that Fh and I have decided no kids and she wasn't happy with that but I was firm and told her. She still tries to make us invite kids but we tell ehr the same thing.

Maybe you can say something along the lines like Fh and I discussed the BP and we feel that it is big enough we would love to include others in the BP but its jsut going to be too much.

It seems to me when you talk to inlaws when you add their son into the mix they back off a bit. Rather then just saying I think it would be too much also saying that the two of you agreed means you have heard her opinion and discussed it and that is good enough for her.

JMO

summer06bride Posted: Jul 11, 2005 04:38 PM

Re: how do you tell your fmil

Thanks ladies for the great advice! I agree the united front is the way to go. He is going to speak to her. And I have no problem with having them read at the church. You know what the problem is fiance is really the first one to get married in the family. So I think she feels like this is the right thing to do although I doubt the other cousins are going to include every single person. This would also apply to the number of the wedding guests will are having. (We guaranteed 300) But I'll let that go.

MissingTheBGene Posted: Jul 11, 2005 04:39 PM

Re: how do you tell your fmil

Posted by summer06bride
(We guaranteed 300) But I'll let that go.

is right! Good luck and let us know how it goes!

summer06bride Posted: Jul 11, 2005 04:40 PM

Re: how do you tell your fmil

I will

nypdgirl Posted: Jul 11, 2005 04:54 PM

Re: how do you tell your fmil

Posted by summer06bride

that your bridal party is big enough? And that you dont need a representative from each family in the bridal party. My fiance and I are trying to keep this bridal party as small as possible. We already have 14 not including 6 kids. She says we still ask another two of his cousins. Is she crazy? Does she want to pay for their gift and another limo to fit everyone in? Ok I needed to vent. Thanks for listening!

UMMMM NOOOOOOO she needs to stop now, it is not HER wedding it is yours and I would just be honest & tell her No we have enough but thanks!

** i had the same thing & i just told her i will choose who i want ....GOOD LUCK !!!!!!!!!!

SIBride06 Posted: Jul 11, 2005 05:44 PM

Re: how do you tell your fmil

My FMIL is the same way.. but not in the same sense. She gets offended when shes not involved enough yet if things dont go her way.. she has a S@#$ fit! I understand how upset you are. Its your bridal party... YOUR wedding. Im so tired of other people putting there 2 cents in where it just doesn't belong. She had her chance to choose her bp.. now its YOUR turn. Always remember that. Do things YOUR way or NO way.

summer06bride Posted: Jul 11, 2005 07:54 PM

Re: how do you tell your fmil

Thanks ladies I feel very empowered.

beautyq115 Posted: Jul 11, 2005 08:00 PM

Re: how do you tell your fmil

Posted by summer06bride

that your bridal party is big enough? And that you dont need a representative from each family in the bridal party. My fiance and I are trying to keep this bridal party as small as possible. We already have 14 not including 6 kids. She says we still ask another two of his cousins. Is she crazy? Does she want to pay for their gift and another limo to fit everyone in? Ok I needed to vent. Thanks for listening!

WOW...that is some BP and 6 kids..you are a saint!!!

You and your FI need to tell her NO MORE

CKJ906 Posted: Jul 11, 2005 09:45 PM

Re: how do you tell your fmil

You just have to come right out and tell tehm

summer06bride Posted: Jul 12, 2005 06:52 PM

Re: how do you tell your fmil

finace says he is on this and he will speak to his mother...wish us luck

MissingTheBGene Posted: Jul 12, 2005 06:52 PM

Re: how do you tell your fmil

Posted by summer06bride

finace says he is on this and he will speak to his mother...wish us luck

Good, we're crossing our fingers for you! Let us know how it goes! Good luck!

sarahthegreat Posted: Jul 12, 2005 07:03 PM

Re: how do you tell your fmil

please, don't get me started. my fmil told me at least 5 times that i should ask my fi's cousins wife, NOT going to happen! and i just told her, and that was that. usually she is pretty stubborn and thought she'd give us a hard time, but i just told her no. and that was that.

AmyMarie Posted: Jul 12, 2005 07:04 PM

Re: how do you tell your fmil

i agree completely that it has to be a united front.
good luck and know that you have the support of all of us who have had to deal with FMIL issues thus far in the planning process. always, always, always remember it is YOUR meaning of course you and your hubby to be) wedding day.