In the wedding planning? Just curious... he waivers b/c of his job he's very busy. One minute he wants to know everything almost down to my dress (which of course he doesn't get to know anything about). Then other times he seems like it's the furthest thing on his mind and I'm burdening him with questions about something that at the moment he couldn't care less about.
For those with busy FH's, how do you broach the subject as things come up, but in a way that won't overwhelm him when his boss is on his back about his monthly reports - yeah, I kind of did that a few times... it wasn't pretty...
What kinds of things do the men need/usually want to be in on - are there things that I can assume he doesn't really need to be in on such as the flowers - I think he'll be fine with me dealing with that alone...
We live together, but recently I tried emailing him (he was right up stairs in his office, but I figured if he was working he could respond at his leisure)... but he has not responded about the wedding stuff... we talked about it briefly and he said he was still thinking about what I said. I asked him to come up with a tentative guest list.
kittythestray
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Re: How involved is FH?
Well, he'll do anything I want, but the wedding is for me, he lets me pick anything I want, and that's how I want it! So, he came with me to all the vendors and he booked the HM and he picked out his suit but I'm in charge He's just really excited about us getting married, but as for the flowers I pick or the colors we use, he just wants whatever I want.
sarahradio5
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Re: How involved is FH?
Posted by jada2destiny
The only thing that FH was remotely interested in was the limos. He didn't even pick out his own tux!
Soooo glad to hear you say that! That's the ONLY thing my FH has gone with me, too. And even that was ultimately up to me. I keep asking him to go to Bridal Expos with me, and he says he'll go to ONE with me... it's called 'our wedding'. lol. Well, not really 'LOL', but I HAVE to laugh. He keeps saying 'I'm not a girl' when I ask him why he doesn't seem 'into' it. We already live together (just as of November... and that's only because our dreamhouse popped up and we had to pounce). Does that take some of the excitement out of it for FH's? It doesn't for me... I can't wait to be Mrs. C. But he ALREADY refers to me as his wife. I know he absolutely loves and appreciates me, but I do wish he was a little more involved. He also works a lot (including weekends when I go to a lot of vendors). He's good moral support, but I don't see him making OOT baskets with me anytime soon. Thanks for posting this topic so we can all share with each other.
ali120206
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Re: How involved is FH?
Every so often he gets really involved with a list of must haves. More often that not it's something that I could care less about (a hospitality area for his parent's friends in between the church and reception, I mean...)
He also gets involved right after talking with a friend who has gone through the whole wedding process (usually a male) who tells him info. It kills me because it's usually something I already told him.
When I went to look at halls, I went with my mom to 4 and my friend to 2. He chose the one we went with between my two favorites because his friend got married there and told him all of the good stuff about it (that I had just told him).
I've learned though the right time to approach him to get him to give me his undivided (or so it seems) attention and to get him to get things done.
I too live with my FH. We are both only children. We're doing a good job staying out of each other's space because we're never there at the same time. He's been travelling and works in the FDNY so he works a lot of nights and weekends. I'm gone pretty much for at least 12 hrs a day M-F...
MrsWmson2be
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Re: How involved is FH?
My fiance is involved with every detail, to a degree much higher than even my involvement. For example, while I was content with handwriting out the addresses (as etiquette dictates) he wouldn't stop talking about buying a program and typing out all of the addresses. He's the one who introduced me to this site! The only thing he doesn't know anything about is my dress. He went to every appointment with me. There's times when I'll say 'I don't care' about certain things. My life is too busy to make planning a party the primary thing on my mind. My frame of mind is, we're hiring all these vendors with 25+ years experience and paying a lot of money for that experience. I don't feel I should have to micromanage the people we hired. He's more involved than me to that extent.
pupidda122505
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Re: How involved is FH?
FH was really involved in the beginning while we were booking our top vendors: hall, DJ, photo/video. but now that those are booked he wants to relax for awhile and he refused to have anything to do with the flowers, which in a way i can understand. he's really excited about booking the honeymoon, the limos and the tuxes which are coming in a few months so all in all i have to say that he's been really good with everything. all the little details that I'm researching now like personalized menus, I DO letters and monogram cake topper he doesn't really care for but that's ok because i have u girls to talk them over with
Shorty McBride
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Re: How involved is FH?
I do all the research, but he comes to all the meetings/appointments. He'll be at the showcase w/ me tomorrow, and he'll be at the Fox Hollow showcase w/ me on 3/22.
He has no preference what our albums look like, what color flowers, etc....he just likes to get a feel for the vendor, i think. We met with someone yesterday, and FH wasn't too keen on his personality, so we won't be booking with him. I value his opinion - he just doesn't have one too often.
He's very busy - works fulltime, full time grad student, AND trying to 'stand out' by taking on volunteer work at his job. I understand that he's busy, AND i also understand that he's just NOT INTO WEDDING STUFF.
Its not a big deal to me. He trusts my decisions.
superkat
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Re: How involved is FH?
My FH is NOT involved. He hasn't even picked his last groomsmen yet. Lol. I am getting ready to get on his back about a few things though.
pigs222seal
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Re: How involved is FH?
He's only involved if I ask him
DandS
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Re: How involved is FH?
My FH is not as involved as it sounds like others are, but he works about 90 hours a week, so it is hard for him to be able to make appts with vendors or go shopping for things with me. We talk about things for the wedding over dinner (he always gives me a good 45 minutes of talking about the wedding everyday while eating dinner together) and he gives me his opinions (which I highly take into consideration). I am very particular about what I want and what I like, and I have a vision in my mind of our wedding day, and he knows that so he goes with the flow. If their is something that he wants or is not crazy about, he tells me, and I always take his opinion's because I do want the wedding to be both of our's and I want him to be a part of the decisions. The wedding is definitely 50/50, but I go to the vendors and I go shopping for things because like I said he works about 90 hours a week (I work about 65-70 hours a week, so he is not the only hard worker in the house). But when we get home, we definitely talk about everything and he tells me what he likes and what he does not like.
MCDO15
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Re: How involved is FH?
I was involved not only caused i had to be, cause i wanted to be... this moment is not just for the bride. You are spending 10's of thousands of dollors. Its the start of the wonderful life you will spend together...you should be 100% involved in the process.
its makes the wedding that more enjoyable and not just the groom just showing up for his part to say i do
donegal419
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Re: How involved is FH?
My FH has been very involved in the wedding planning. I have to admit, I've done most of the 'research' and have made the appointments, but he has gone to every single appointment with me..... I am so glad he has because the lawyer in him pointed out a lot of good (or bad) things about the vendors that I might not have thought about. He basically picked the hall (we both agreeed though!) and the videographer. He even picked out the china! I am glad that we are doing everything together. e is specifically responsible for tuxes, limo and honeymoon, although I know he will ask me what I think. The only thing he doesn't know about is my dress and veil and he won't until I walk down the aisle!
Beth1210
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Re: How involved is FH?
My hubby helped with the Limos- b/c his friend owned the company
other then that nothing- I liked it that way-
but I will say that if we paid for the wedding- he would have been more invloved- it wasn't his money- so he didn't care what I did- as long as I was happy
October Bliss
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Re: How involved is FH?
FH is now very fond of saying I planned the entire wedding.
Truth is, I called all the vendors, made all the appointments, but he came with me to interview every DJ, photographer, videographer, and a bunch (but not all) of the halls. This was because when we first started looking he worked weekends and didn't have time, but he did come to a bunch, and I didn't book our hall without bringing him to see it. He didn't come with me to the florists, but he did see the samples and we decided to go with the florist whose sample we both liked the best. He was present for all the conversations with limo companies (we went to one directly, and met with all the others at showcases). He went with me to look at invites - and in fact picked the one we are using (my only complaint about it is the color - ivory instead of white, but he loves it so much how could I just veto it???). He even came with me to look at all the hotels we were considering for OOT guests. I went with him to the tuxedo shop, and he tried on everything he wanted to and decided what he liked best. I picked the colors for his BP to match my BP. He came with me and one of my BM to try on dresses (not my dress, BM dresses). He agreed with the dress I loved.
He has been with me to every single showcase I've been to. He came to WOTY, he is coming to the LIW extravaganza tomorrow, AND he actually enjoys going.
He has come with me to AC Moore and Michaels to buy supplies for DIY, and he's had veto power over some of that stuff. I designed programs, & STDs, he designed our website.
The two things he has had absolutely no say in are my wedding attire, (obviously) and which DOC I hired. As for the DOC, he said as long as I was comfortable with my choice, that was good enough for him, and he didn't want to be more involved than that.
sarahradio5
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Re: How involved is FH?
I do have to add that he went with me and my parents to book the place (there was no question we were having it there, so we didn't look anywhere else.). And when I mentioned that maybe we should look at a place that was a little less expensive, he said that if this was my dream place, we should have it there. And he said that it anything went wrong at any other place, I would have regrets for the rest of my life. It was good advice. So, we had it at my dream place... just a little later in the fall to save some coin. . He's there when I REALLY need him. And he keeps me laughing throughout it all .
Mrs.Ptobe
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Re: How involved is FH?
[ We already live together (just as of November... and that's only because our dreamhouse popped up and we had to pounce). Does that take some of the excitement out of it for FH's? It doesn't for me... I can't wait to be Mrs. C. But he ALREADY refers to me as his wife. I know he absolutely loves and appreciates me, but I do wish he was a little more involved. He also works a lot (including weekends when I go to a lot of vendors).
OMG - I think it does loose some flavor for them when we live with them... My FH tells everyone I'm his wife... we've been living together for 4 years. Even some of his friends think we've had a town hall wedding or something b/c they just think of us as married. I'm so excited about a special day for us and that's the spin I put on it for him... to just have a party to celebrate us and our love. I think that's the big reason some of the shacked up guys aren't as involved as the one's who CANT WAIT to have their MEALS COOKED and HOUSE CLEANED and LAUNDRY DONE for them by someone other than their mom!
lipglossjunky73
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Re: How involved is FH?
Not very involved at all...
werock0709
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Re: How involved is FH?
We're equally involved with everything. He likes it as much as I do. I guess when your really really inlove you don't care what you have to do to make it right!!! He would never tell me to do what I want, we make the decisions together.
AlliNMatt06
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Re: How involved is FH?
Not very involved! He comes with me if I am ready to book a vendor. The only things he really wanted to see for himself was the hall, and DJ. He did come to register with me!
