How involved is FH?

In the wedding planning? Just curious... he waivers b/c of his job he's very busy. One minute he wants to know everything almost down to my dress (which of course he doesn't get to know anything about). Then other times he seems like it's the furthest thing on his mind and I'm burdening him with questions about something that at the moment he couldn't care less about.

For those with busy FH's, how do you broach the subject as things come up, but in a way that won't overwhelm him when his boss is on his back about his monthly reports - yeah, I kind of did that a few times... it wasn't pretty...

What kinds of things do the men need/usually want to be in on - are there things that I can assume he doesn't really need to be in on such as the flowers - I think he'll be fine with me dealing with that alone...

We live together, but recently I tried emailing him (he was right up stairs in his office, but I figured if he was working he could respond at his leisure)... but he has not responded about the wedding stuff... we talked about it briefly and he said he was still thinking about what I said. I asked him to come up with a tentative guest list.

are you ok? I read that whole post about your FH and his kid and your July vs May plans and then you deleted it before I could respond. Now you are saying that you are emailing FH while he is upstairs and he is ignoring you. It seems like you are stressed out about FH. Do you want to talk about it with us? We are all pretty good listeners.

Yeah, I don't really have any problems to talk about... he's not ignoring me, he just works from home... it's not like a guy who goes to an office and you know you can't talk to him about wedding stuff when he's in meetings with his boss and clients... you wouldn't do that? Well, it's the same concept... only often when I come home from work he's still working and he has a lot of responsibility at his job at the level he's at.

I asked LIW to put a board on here for people who live with their FH's b/c it's very different. You are constantly in eachother's space and if he works in the house it's even harder to know when to bother someone or not. He and I talk all the time, just not always about weddings - that would be boring.

In fact he just came home from the gym and is heading up to his office now to put in his calls for the day and prepare for tomorrow... Obviously this would be a bad time to ask how the guest list is coming.

It's not like he's ignoring me

I agree, it is an adjustment when you live w/ FH, but after a few months you work out the kinks & work out time spent together/apart & chores & schedules & talking. Communication is key & also giving e/o some space....

I consider myself very lucky. My FH is very involved in the wedding plans. Some things he has less of an opinion on (like flowers) so I have been making those decisions, but he makes sure he agrees. Other things he is very involved in, he picked the tuxes (with my help), he came with me and picked out my dress and veil, too. We are truly 50/50 partners and see it as OUR wedding and want to have our hands in every aspect, together.

Space is so very important. Plus again, his office is in our house... he doesn't leave to go to a building miles away or in the city... he's here and his hours are long and sporatic. But he makes a good salary and takes care of us financially, so this is not a complaint post... I just have a hard time sometimes being sensitive that when I'm ready to discuss wedding plans he may be in the middle of writing his reports - again it's happened and it put a damper on planning for a little bit.

It's all give and take, but when you live together that takes on a whole new meaning. Then add that his work is located inside your house

One of my co-workers said that usually men aren't as 'involved' and 'obsessed' as women are.

He was way more involved in the beginig. He wanted to be involved with all the big stuff. Now that that is out of the way, he could care less what color the menu cards are or if we even have menu cards for that matter.

The only thing that FH was remotely interested in was the limos. He didn't even pick out his own tux!

I like that my FH is involved. It is just as much his day as it is mine. Although I make most of the phone calls and appts up, he is there to make all the final decisions alongside me.

The only thing he hasn't been involved in is my gown and whatever else I will be wearing that day.

I find it kinda rude that some brides don't care what their FH thinks. They cared enough to think about you, so why shouldn't you care what they think about for your wedding.

If it is the case where FH doesn't really care, then that is another story altogether!

My FH is really not too involved. I just tell him the major details that I am researching.

He always tells me 'Weddings are more of a Girl thing, I love you and just want to marry you. It doesn't matter if we have a small or a big wedding'
Sometimes, I wish he was a bit more involved but sometimes I don't.
As long as he gives me money. It's all good!

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Posted by MJDoc12

i am very lucky that FH is highly involved. he feels that if it's OUR money...then he needs to be as involved as he can!

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Same here. It's our money and we are doing this without any help. He wants to be invovled in everything and I have to say, I would not want it any other way.

I don't know that there is a right or wrong answer here. In some families the bride's family pays for the whole wedding - I know that's not as common, but in those cases I can see why the bride would have greater say or want more say. My family is paying about 75% and I have to say at times my mom acts like FH should be given limitations on what he wants as far as guests and some other stuff. I don't personally agree, b/c I want him to have fun, but I also know best as to what we can afford in the expensive world of weddings. I can see FH having a hard time parting with the thousands we are contributing when our bathroom is falling apart and the down payments could add up to gutting the bathroom and putting in a jacuzzi tub.

I'm getting from this you have to feel out what works for the specific couple.

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Posted by Mrs.Ptobe

I don't know that there is a right or wrong answer here. In some families the bride's family pays for the whole wedding - I know that's not as common, but in those cases I can see why the bride would have greater say or want more say. My family is paying about 75% and I have to say at times my mom acts like FH should be given limitations on what he wants as far as guests and some other stuff. I don't personally agree, b/c I want him to have fun, but I also know best as to what we can afford in the expensive world of weddings. I can see FH having a hard time parting with the thousands we are contributing when our bathroom is falling apart and the down payments could add up to gutting the bathroom and putting in a jacuzzi tub.

I'm getting from this you have to feel out what works for the specific couple.

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That's true!

Every couple is different.
What works for one doesn't necessarily work for another.

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Posted by shellnroc

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Posted by Mrs.Ptobe

I don't know that there is a right or wrong answer here. In some families the bride's family pays for the whole wedding - I know that's not as common, but in those cases I can see why the bride would have greater say or want more say. My family is paying about 75% and I have to say at times my mom acts like FH should be given limitations on what he wants as far as guests and some other stuff. I don't personally agree, b/c I want him to have fun, but I also know best as to what we can afford in the expensive world of weddings. I can see FH having a hard time parting with the thousands we are contributing when our bathroom is falling apart and the down payments could add up to gutting the bathroom and putting in a jacuzzi tub.

I'm getting from this you have to feel out what works for the specific couple.

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That's true!

Every couple is different.
What works for one doesn't necessarily work for another.

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That is so true! I don't really think that anyone here can tell you exactly how to approach your FH about the wedding plans, or even when it is a good time to bring up the guest list or planning. You know your FH and how his day's go, so all I can say is approach him when you know is a good time for him. Maybe you guys can talk about the wedding over dinner every night for about 15 minutes.

Basically we are choosing everything together, it is our wedding, with the exeption of my wedding gown/veil/etc he wants to be surprised It has been fun, we are pretty much on the same page in terms of colors, photographic style, hall, flowers, invitations, etc. (We are both artists/art teachers, like similar styles, etc. so it's been a bit easier). Just lately he thinks I am becoming obsessed with the whole wedding planning..and have forgotten about everything else..Maybe I am addicted!!????

We go to every single vendor together...he says ultimately its up to me but he can veto it if he really has a strong feeling against something...the only thing he insisted on was a DJ..which was fine...and cheaper!


We have also done most of the registering together....sometimes I add some things on line but the major things like fine china, casual china and crystal and appliances we have made together