Ok so my FMIL is already a pain in the ***. All I have done is book the RH and the church. I literally haven't done anything else. Well her feelings are hurt because she feels I am not including her in anything. I haven't done anything!!! Ugh. So in talking to some of my friends who are already married, they told me that their mother in-laws were not very involved. They liked to be kept informed, but nothing crazy. My FMIL wants to go to every appointment! Dresses, DJs, florists, photographers, etc. I'm sorry, but is that a bit much? She told me she would like to be consulted on things before I make any more decisions. There are some things that I want to do with only MY mom. Like pick out my wedding dress.
Anyway, my question to you is.....how involved is your FMIL?
Notwedyet08
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Re: How involved is you FMIL?
Mine is not involved at all. FH isn't very close with her so she and I hardly ever talk. If i really thought hard about it; i'm sure she'd like to be involved; but we're not close so it's not something i've considered.
Mrs Z To Be
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Re: How involved is you FMIL?
10'er crashing here.....
Let me ask you this: Is she contributing financially? Even so, it is YOUR day.
If yours is like mine, where everything is negative, goes out pf her to way to *try* to make me feel bad, as if the wedding is unimportant, yet needs to be included in everything...then no. And I wouldn't let her see your dress...that's just my opinion.
As far as her telling you she wants you to basically consult her before making decisions... . Screw that!!!! FM me ANYTIME. I go through a lot with this .
mrsq2be
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Re: How involved is you FMIL?
mine is totally non existent.... which may be a good and bad thing. I dont want this to bite me in the a$$ later on if she says I didn't include her in anything!
FutureMrsLots
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Re: How involved is you FMIL?
her and FH are in a rough patch so she doesn't know of anything going on.
Chanwich
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Re: How involved is you FMIL?
we try to keep her informed of things but they live upstate so I don't think she expects to be very involved. Don't feel bad about not including her in everything, this is your time and you should surround yourself with the people you want most!
jackieee
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Re: How involved is you FMIL?
I don't really even go to appts with my mom. I go with FH. I did go to flower appt with my mom and dress shopping, but that's it.
She asks me questions, and I let her know about things, but she hasnt asked to go to appts. If she wanted to go, I wouldn't mind. SHe works evenings though when we usually go to appts.
AwaitingAugust
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Re: How involved is you FMIL?
mine wants to be extremely involved ... but i put her in her place and do everything on my own.
she was upset at first, but she got over it.
JTG4EVER
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Re: How involved is you FMIL?
Posted by Mrs Z To Be
10'er crashing here.....
Let me ask you this: Is she contributing financially? Even so, it is YOUR day.
If yours is like mine, where everything is negative, goes out pf her to way to *try* to make me feel bad, as if the wedding is unimportant, yet needs to be included in everything...then no. And I wouldn't let her see your dress...that's just my opinion.
As far as her telling you she wants you to basically consult her before making decisions... . Screw that!!!! FM me ANYTIME. I go through a lot with this .
No she is not contributing financially. Only the rehearsal dinner. She is not contributing a cent. I don't mind her seeing my dress, AFTER I picked it out. I really want to do things with my mom. I feel like by including my FMIL it is almost taking it away from my mom. I want my mom to help me pick out my dress. Plus, too many people is never a good thing when you are dress shopping! I'm not going to 'consult' her about anything. I'm just pissed because this is MY wedding and it's supposed to be a happy time. I don't want to be constantly wondering if I am hurting someones feelings.
JTG4EVER
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Re: How involved is you FMIL?
Posted by AwaitingAugust
mine wants to be extremely involved ... but i put her in her place and do everything on my own.
she was upset at first, but she got over it.
I think that is what I'm going to do. She told me she is 'not a typically groom's mother.' I was felt like saying, 'well I need you to be.'
FutureJOC
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Re: How involved is you FMIL?
as far as our situation, we inform FMIL and FFIL of things we plan to do for the wedding or ideas we have just to get some feedback, but they do not affect the final decision on anything since they are not contributing financially towards the wedding. If they were, we would give their suggestions or input on what they think we should do more attention. It's the same for my family though too (they are not contributing either). Every decision for this wedding is ultimately going to be from FH and I no matter how many opinions are given to us or we ask for.
for me, I like getting input from FMIL and FFIL because I am close with both of them and value their opinions. I'm not saying I necessarily agree with everything they suggest but for the most part we haven't run into anything that we disagree on. One rule that FH and I have about our wedding regarding anyone (his parents, my parents, etc) is we are not discussing financial stuff about the wedding. We feel there is no need for anyone to know how much we are paying for things because it's our money and we will choose to spend it where we want.
I am going to include FMIL when I go to order my dress. During the dress shopping process, it's pretty much been just me and my mom, with a few random people everytime we went but when it comes time that we are going to order it, I would like to coordinate a day where my my mom, grandmas, BMs, and FMIL can all go together to see the dress, possibly try on a couple of more just to make sure, and then make my final decision with all of them there. I know it would make her happy to see the dress before the big day.
Moonmist09
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Re: How involved is you FMIL?
you shouldn't have to include your FMIL in anything YOU dont' want to. If you decide to include her in any of the wedding planning process, you should, but she shouldn't insinuate herself into the wedding planning process. This sounds like my ex-FMIL - from HELL! instead of putting yourself in the middle, your FH should gently let her know that there are certain things you will ask opinions on and some things you will do together as a couple, but if it is not asked for, then she should really mind her own business.
MrsandMrFuller
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Re: How involved is you FMIL?
I honestly have to say I love my FMIL I have no complaints about her at all she has become like a second mother to me every single time we book something and check it out of the list I can't wait until we get back to FH house so I can run and tell her what was check off the list lol is too funny she's too cute she starts jumping up and down with screaming...Gotta love her
And just like another bride said before FH and I listen to what FMIL and FFIL have to say in regards to any opinions they might have or suggestion but since they are not colaborating in any monetary way we don't really pay mind to it we just listen and nod, same goes for my family they are not contributing financially so any ideas they might have is considered but not taken.
This is mine and FH wedding since we are the only ones paying for it, we feel it will be however we will want it to be! after all is OUR wedding
harts2976
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Re: How involved is you FMIL?
FMIL lives in florida. She's not too involved with appointments and stuff but gets annoyed if I don't call her after them. We got some gifts for the e-party from her friends and fam that are coming to it so I assumed it was ok to send it out after so I can say like ' thank you for the china and for enjoying our day with us.' or something like that. She was like welll i really would appreciate it if you do it now! Grrrrrr Just some things she says annoys me. Luckily I don't see her toooo much. But she means well
MissingLI
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Re: How involved is you FMIL?
I originally wanted to have FMIL involved because the wedding is in San Diego and she lives there. But her being a total pain in the a$$ all the time, not taking our decisions seriously, and her ridiculous opinions on everything has ended that. I told FH we do everthing just you and I. We will show her some things after.
When we booked our RH, we took her. Already said and done. She's already informed us that she is coming with us to our cake tastings because she 'LOVES Wedding Cake'. Ugh.
She is not contributing a cent, so I really could care less if she wants FH to have a boutenier. He doesn't want it, that's that.
Ugh. Just spent a weekend with the woman, I'm on edge.
Ang9483
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Re: How involved is you FMIL?
MY FMIL told us she will give us some money towards the wedding but she wants no involvement in any of the planning at all. I was like woaaaaaah ok.
Im getting Married
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Re: How involved is you FMIL?
Mine is not at all..she does not ask but will always listen if I talk about it in front of her.
That is just the way his parents are they are not nosey at all and we are paying for the entire thing so I think they do not want to butt in
Mine is somewhat involved. She wants to know whats going on, and offers to come with us if we want her to. Im going to invite her when we go dress shopping next time. She loves to hear what we have seen/done. My FSIL is also getting married this summer, so shes kinda busy doing wedding things with her. She likes to get ideas from us also.
Does your FMIL have any daughters? Maybe she is just excited, and wants to share in all aspects of it?
NellieBellie32
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Re: How involved is you FMIL?
mine was just involved when it came to the photographer....she really wanted us to book w/ the same on she used so i gave in bc it could def be worse...plus they paid for it =)
