How long before the wedding is it too late to call it all off?

I am so incredibly disappointed in FH. He has a step brother who is so incredibly rude that we have not spoken with him in over 4 years and his mother has been pressuring him over and over these four years to make up - only on our end because we are 'thick headed and immature' but in reality - the entire family has cut this step brother out of the equation because he is a 'toxic person' - FH just decided today after his mother called AGAIN that 'maybe we should reconcile and send an invitation to the wedding..' - well maybe if FMIL's timing wasn't so wonderful and we weren't 6 weeks to the wedding maybe it would be a different story. The stress is unmeasurable - I believe that FH and I need to be a team when it comes down to this decision making even though it is his family. I cannot and will not stand for him being invited to our wedding without a heartfelt apology. FMIL says to just 'forget' everything that happened and start fresh. I unfortunately cannot do that. I fear what happens when the holidays come around? Is FH going to go and I will eat thanksgiving at home by myself because I refuse to be around him? If we don't agree now on family problems how are we ever going to last as a married couple? I am crying as I type this.. 6 weeks to go until the wedding. $40k down the tubes. Tell me ANYTHING......

I am sorry you are feeling this way.. I don't know the whole story about the step brother so I can't say what I think you should do but my gut is telling me this can be worked out. Try talking to your fh when both of you have calmed down. I am sure once you guys take a few minutes to simmer down you will realize this is just not worth calling the wedding off. I wish you the best of luck with this! If you need to talk, feel free to FM me!

OMG I am so sorry to hear this but do not call off your wedding because of family ... If you & fh aren't compatible or not getting along thats another story or reason to call it off but not because of another person or people, I know it is hard but every relationship has somebody trying to cause conflict but as a couple you guys should talk about it, communicate and try to come to a conclusion as to what the best thing should be. I really dont think this step-brother should be invited because he might be spiteful and either not show up & have you pay for him or show u and cause drama at your wedding. having said that I really dont think you should call off your wedding because of this ... then these people get there way and make you miserable. try eveything you can to communicate with FH and tell him exactly how you feel in private! I wish you luck, let us know how everything goes!

I feel like there's a lot to this story that's missing, but here goes...

While I do think that you and FH have to a team in making these big decisions, it is his family. I kind of think you probably have to let him lead, and support his decision. HOWEVER, if his step-brother did something directly to you that is unforgivable, then FH must stick up for you. I know that personally, I left a previous relationship when my ex-bf always defended his family and never defended me, making me his family's punching bag.

Again, I don't really know enough of what happened here to give solid advice. I will say, though, that it's never too late to call off the wedding, if that's what you really believe is right. Calling off a wedding is a lot easier than going through a divorce. It sounds, though, that you two have been together for a long time. Is it worth trying to work out? What about a neutral 3rd party, like a couples counselor?

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Posted by pandafish519

the wedding is not about anyone BUT YOU AND FH.. i know it must be hard but you both need to put your foot down and say, 'our wedding cannot be the line in the sand for this relationship' it takes time to mend a relationship and just b/c you are getting married doesn't mean you should forget the past. sit down with FH and see what you BOTH want to do without family advice.. do not let this be the determining factor in your relationship. in the end, you and FH are each other's new family and you need to take care of each other first. let FMIL know that effort to fix a broken relationship can't be forced or rushed!

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she took the words outta my mouth...i completly agree...great advice ally

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Posted by gina409

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Posted by pandafish519

the wedding is not about anyone BUT YOU AND FH.. i know it must be hard but you both need to put your foot down and say, 'our wedding cannot be the line in the sand for this relationship' it takes time to mend a relationship and just b/c you are getting married doesn't mean you should forget the past. sit down with FH and see what you BOTH want to do without family advice.. do not let this be the determining factor in your relationship. in the end, you and FH are each other's new family and you need to take care of each other first. let FMIL know that effort to fix a broken relationship can't be forced or rushed!

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she took the words outta my mouth...i completly agree...great advice ally

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Yes, while he wedding is about you and FH, it's undeniable that his family will always be a part of your lives. He needs to put you #1, not his mom.

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Posted by ImDone

We have had this conversation toooo many times with FMIL and as FH said earlier this afternoon 'she will continue to bring this up until we reconcile' - well the timing S UC KS - like this is what I want to do right now. After all of the spiteful things he has done in the past - I cannot believe that FH would even consider speaking to him again......

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well then maybe you can say you sent an invite and say he never replied???

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Posted by debzy

I feel like there's a lot to this story that's missing, but here goes...

While I do think that you and FH have to a team in making these big decisions, it is his family. I kind of think you probably have to let him lead, and support his decision. HOWEVER, if his step-brother did something directly to you that is unforgivable, then FH must stick up for you. I know that personally, I left a previous relationship when my ex-bf always defended his family and never defended me, making me his family's punching bag.

Again, I don't really know enough of what happened here to give solid advice. I will say, though, that it's never too late to call off the wedding, if that's what you really believe is right. Calling off a wedding is a lot easier than going through a divorce. It sounds, though, that you two have been together for a long time. Is it worth trying to work out? What about a neutral 3rd party, like a couples counselor?

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a light just went on when you said a couples counselor. I think that will come up in our conversation tonight. the short of it - FBIL made up lots of lies that 'the family was saying about me' and then would talk to the family and 'say things i said about them' and in reality, none of us said any of that stuff, i confronted the entire family when he wasnt around, and i found out that it was all lies, and they found out the same, 75% of the aunts/uncles/cousins have nothing to do with him. He was a driving factor in FH's first divorce and was a driving factor in FFIL's 2nd divorce and recent girlfriend break up. So he is a sneaky person that weaves these webs of lies. There is so much more, I cant even focus enough to get it all out there...

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Posted by DINAAMATUCCIO

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Posted by ImDone

We have had this conversation toooo many times with FMIL and as FH said earlier this afternoon 'she will continue to bring this up until we reconcile' - well the timing S UC KS - like this is what I want to do right now. After all of the spiteful things he has done in the past - I cannot believe that FH would even consider speaking to him again......

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well then maybe you can say you sent an invite and say he never replied???

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I wish it was that easy - FMIL will make sure that he gets it, probably hand deliver it with bells on... I dont know if she really wants them to reconcile or see me out of the picture.

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Posted by ImDone

We have had this conversation toooo many times with FMIL and as FH said earlier this afternoon 'she will continue to bring this up until we reconcile' - well the timing S UC KS - like this is what I want to do right now. After all of the spiteful things he has done in the past - I cannot believe that FH would even consider speaking to him again......

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i went through something like this with FH's dad. he dad has been treating the family like $h!t for a long time, but we saw them after we got engaged and they even took us out to dinner (it ended up blowing up in our faces and they aren't invited to the wedding) but the BIGGEST thing i learned is that FH and i need to be a united front. we need to be together and supportive in ANY circumstances. if your FH wants to try and reconcile, i would try and be there for him and maybe help MAKE SURE that things are NOT forgotten, and they are resolved OVER TIME. like i said before things cannot be rushed.

ETA: read your last post and i would 100% not let his mother determine your relationship with FH. take baby steps and let her know that maybe they can make some progress in a few weeks and THEN you can consider him being there.

Sometimes i feel like when it comes to family especially siblings, you have to allow the other person to make the decision. Invite the bro & then when you are ready speak to him at another time & tell him why you are upset with him. But i never like to keep brother & sisters apart. They need to work it out between them even if you are involved. And at least your Fh will not have resentment toward you fo ranything.

Man im happy my DH is an only child. lol

Family issues are a common source of stress during wedding planning and for newly weds- maybe you and FH could go to premarital counseling before you consider calling off the wedding. I am not big on self help books but take a look at the books by John Gottman, especially The seven principles for making marriage work.

If in the end you are still unhappy it is NEVER too late to call the wedding off-no sum of money is worth a life time of unhappiness!!

I can vent all day about FH Family problems... He is the most normal person out of his immediate family (Besides his mother , she is the mediator of everything)... FSIL (Not really FBIL Baby MAMA)is a total insecure jealous B*iatchh!! She is NOT going to my wedding.. FH send a save the date card address to the kids and she has the nerves to text me (mind you, not my hubby) to tell me 'WE recieved the magnet addressed to the KIDS unfortunately WE have a commitment that day and WE all will NOT be attending'..

Do you honestly think I give a F*ck.. NOOO

She is not family to me and my FH doesn't consider her worthy of even being mention in a conversation (go figure)... Its horrible... But what can I say!! FMIL still thinks in the back of her mind that I will be sending them an invite!! I told her 'I'm sorry but this is MINE AND FH'S WEDDING... and we both think she is not even consider human enough to attend such a memorable moment in our lives'... I know she will not be sending her two kids.. But hey..I don't want to sound mean but I DONT CARE... My nephew and niece plus FH son counts..Not hers!!

Story short ( ) Its about you and FH and who care what anyone thinks... Surely not us when we are planning the most unforgetable day of our lives!!