How low can you go? (vent)UPDATE*****

Thanks. I was actually happy that I was finally cutting him off again. (I went a year without speaking to him last time.)
And I am happiest when he's not around. The minute I speak to him for a few minutes, I hang up cursing and annoyed and it usually takes a lot of venting to get it out of my system. My husband should be home in a few minutes. I saved the message and want to see what he thinks.
My husband met him twice and is very aware of the way he is. He wanted to tell him off himself but I told him not to.

Sue,

I swear your father and my father must be twins or related!! Everything you said sounds like something that my Father would say and/or do! At this point I have very minimal contact with him. In 4 months I have spoken to him 3 times and IMO for me that is too much. I keep it short and sweet and I am always 'running out the door'

's to you!

I hear ya loud and clear. My issues are with my father.

My parents were divorced after 32 years of marriage and he blames me and my brother for throwing himout of the house

Go figure

I don't think you always need to be the better person. I would let the day pass without calling and enjoy your thanksgiving with your husband and baby on the way.

Thanks. I am so confused now. I HATE TALKING TO HIM. People that are mentally abusive insult you and knock you down and then when you are fed up, they come crawling back as if nothing was wrong and try to twist things that were said around and make you wonder if you over-reacted. You know you didn't but you feel sorry for them. Then they do it again over and over.
The said thing is that he doesn't even realize anything is wrong with him.
I don't know what to do. I want to just ignore him. I am happier without him around.

If I try to reason with him and tell him that this is the last warning, if he insults me again, I am done and have nothing more to say, He will just turn everything that was said around.
He will say that he didn't do anything wrong.
He will say it was me who got angry and he doesn't know why. Or he will throw some more insults my way.
He has such a knack for pissing people off.

Sue....

Love you momma!

Please don't allow this person (DAD)make you one bit upset!

Thanks T.
He doesn't know the first thing about what a dad is.

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Posted by NovemberSue

I don't know what to do. I want to just ignore him. I am happier without him around.

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I think you should take your own advice

I'm so sorry. My father is the same way. Always insulting me and making me feel like crap. Unfortunately he only lives a mile away, luckily that will change when he moves next year. He has been horrible to me. He treats me in ways I wouldn't treat my worst enemy, let alone my child. He psychologically screws with my head and I am tired of it. FH wants to have a chat with him because he is tired of me coming home crying all the time. I made my FH promise me he would never ever be like this to our kids. I just don't get how they could do this. I truly believe my father is jealous of my mother and he takes it out on me. I am so sorry he is doing this to you. I have learned to just stay away from my father and not call unless it is something important. I know I have plenty of people that love me and I don't need someone always bringing me down in my life. Just remember there are plenty of people that do love you and always will. Your father will see, when he gets really old and has nothing, what a big mistake he made.

If anyone else in your life were to treat you this way, you would walk away from them. I know it makes it harder because it is your father, but he had not right to treat you the way he does. I know it is easier said than done, and I am not in your position, but I would take your own advise and ignore him. You said yourself you are happier when you do.

I am so sorry that you have to go through any of this

That's such a shame that he has to be like that. He's missing out on so much by being so miserable. My MIL is similarly abusive, though not as bad as your father. Is he like that to your siblings? My MIL has alienated all three of her children but my BIL especially hates her. She constantly calls him stupid, lazy, ugly, you name it.

Consider avoiding him a self defense mechanism. You need to steer clear of him to save your sanity.

Boop2704: That is exactly how he is.
Its terrible. He treats me worse than anyone would treat their worst enemy. He is also very sick. He probably only has a few years left. He is on oxygen 24-7 and you would think this would force him to make peace with the people he wronged but nothing will.
He will continue to be a *#^* to the very end.

My husband is home now. He said I should just call real quick to wish him a nice Thanksgiving and tell him that I am calling now because I probably won't have a chance later or tomorrow. He said keep it real short and tell him I have to run to the stores now.

Yes, he is the same way to my brother. He also didn't speak with him for a long period of time. I actually think he's treated my brother much worse than me. I don't know how my brother can stand talking to him either.

LizD: You are absolutely right. They have you give them one more chance over and over because they win you over with guilt even though you know you are better off without them.

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Posted by NovemberSue

If I try to reason with him and tell him that this is the last warning, if he insults me again, I am done and have nothing more to say, He will just turn everything that was said around.
He will say that he didn't do anything wrong.
He will say it was me who got angry and he doesn't know why. Or he will throw some more insults my way.
He has such a knack for pissing people off.

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Sometimes you just can't reason.. and you have to say
Yes, you *DID* do something wrong in MY eyes!
No, you can't blame this on me, because all relationships take 2 people, I can only be responsible for so much of it and I am the one trying to be adult here.
Insulting me will not make this any better.

Period.

Its tough but you have to put your foot down. it may actually help him SEE your point.

As for his health..


The whole reason I tried to contact my beloved (sarcasm) mother was because her mother died at peace with her. One condition. SHe told my mother that she (my mom) would NEVER have peace until she straigten things out with me. I felt it my responsibility to at least try. I tried to explain to her that I wanted to give us a chance to settle up before she died and we regreted it.

Boy was that stupid!

She used my sensible mind and attitude against me. It wasn't pity but she played it like it was. She thew it in my face 'What if i died tomorrow THIS is how you treat me?' Please! Finally I gave up.

Finally, I had to tell her 'Look I wanted peace between us so that my children could know their own grandmother, but I see that's not possible and I feel sad for you. My children will be happy and healthly without you.'

Being unhappy is unhealthy. You have to cut it off somewhere.