I call my birth father (thats all he is)who lives in another state (thank God). We don't get along well at all because all he ever does is insult me. I call to see how he's feeling and he is being extremely rude to me on the phone so I ask what is wrong. He then starts telling me that I didn't even acknowledge his wife's birthday last week. I said ' I mailed her a card.' He said she never got it! I'm not surprised. I bet she threw it out and claimed she never got it. Funny, all our bills we mailed the same day, were received. He accused me of being a lyer. His wife is as big an A**hole as he is and I'm sick of them lashing out at everyone because their lives are miserable. He was in the hospital a week ago and his wife didn't even call us to tell us. I had to hear it from my SIL who got a call from my Aunt who lives in CA. Obviously his wife has issues just like he does. I'm done with them! Let them be miserable together. Keep me out of it.
Nora101004
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Re: How low can you go? (vent)
I wonder if our fathers know each other. Mine isn't married but has done some doozies. Wish I knew what to say, I'd say it to myself too.
NovemberSue
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Re: How low can you go? (vent)
When he got out of the hospital and I called him, he was rude to me also and started getting a nasty tone exclaiming 'do you know where I was?' I said 'yes, I got a message that you were in a hospital (no hospital name & no contact numbers) but not to worry, you were being released in a day or so.' Then he calmed down. A couple weeks prior he was telling me his wife was taking up some sort of cross stiching course. I said 'thats great, she's good at making things' (trying to be nice). With that he excaims,'what are you good at? Oh well, you're pregnant, so you must be good at something.' With that, I knew it was time to hang up since he was being his idiot self again.
Nora101004
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Re: How low can you go? (vent)
You should have asked him what he was good at because it wasn't being a father, and it won't be a grandfather if he doesn't change his ways.
I'm great at those should have's, its the 'in the moment' that I stick at.
Nora101004
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Re: How low can you go? (vent)
Congrat's on prego. I can't wait to have one.
NovemberSue
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Re: How low can you go? (vent)
Thanks Nora. Good one! I thought of a few good things to say back after I hung up. When he first said it, I was in shock. I call him up about once every two weeks unless he says something rude,then I don't call him at all. And then he ends up calling me. This time, I am fed up with his crap and his wife's & am officially writing them off. He was never a part of my life except for the little phone calls twice a month where I basically tolerate him the best I can. I've tried telling him off, I've went a year or so without speaking to him. He just will never change. Thank God, the rest of my family is wonderful and I have the best mom and stepdad around.
Nora101004
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Re: How low can you go? (vent)
My dad's little trick is to call on monday. I let the machine get it, thinking I'll call him on tuesday. He calls on tuesday, leaves a message, 'I called yesterday, just have Nora call me'. So then I'd wait 2 days to call. If he calls back on wednesday, I won't call him until Sunday. Its a little game we play only he doesn't know it. My dad lives here so he wants to see me about once a month or so for dinner. I try to push it off until my sis comes home (she lives in pa w/her dh- lucky girl). My FH doens't like my dad. One time he gave me this stupid joke to give to FH, then he wonders why FH doens't like him. He says, I haven't seen him since the wedding, and before that last x-mas. 2x a year is plenty for my FH.
NovemberSue
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Re: How low can you go? (vent)
Last month I tried to call him several times. His phone line was busy for hours. Finally I went to visit my nephews for the day at my brother's house. Later I learned that my birth father had called my house and my husband picked up. He told him that I went to my brother's but that I tried to call him several times all morning and his phone was busy. My father said 'Well, I wasn't on the phone and someone is obviously lying.' My husband was angry and said 'well, I don't know what to tell you.' Apparently my birth father or his wife was on the computer which tied up his phone line. But he never apologized for calling us lyers.
NovemberSue
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Re: How low can you go? (vent)
He likes to twist people's words around. Its some sort of mind game. Anyway, I told my husband that if he calls here, I don't want to speak to him! My husband is getting fed up with him as well and would love to say something to him. I keep telling him to leave it alone. He's just not worth getting aggravated over. If he dare call me for the holidays, I will not take the call. He can live in his miserable existance with his miserable wife! My life is a happy one as long as he's not in it.
04Bride
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Re: How low can you go? (vent)
Just wanted to send some
larryswife2be
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Re: How low can you go? (vent)
Sending enormous hugs your way. My father does a lot for me but he is WAY too controlling which is why we DON'T get along more than we get along. Don't worry about his issues. Live your life and enjoy your husband and new baby!! All the best to you!!!
NovemberSue
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Re: How low can you go? (vent)
Thanks.
butterfly20
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Re: How low can you go? (vent)
threw out the card? everytime i send the card in the future id send it with signature upon delivery and delivery confirmation...... just so that she couldnt lie about it
July2004Bride
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2003OCT10
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Re: How low can you go? (vent)
If you ever resolve things, I would agree with butterfly, play their games if they want, but be three steps ahead of them if you do..
And if you don't, let it be, enjoy your family- your DH, and that baby in your belly... Your mom and stepdad, and your brother and sil.... Try to enjoy your holidays!
allure
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Re: How low can you go? (vent)
Xelindrya
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Re: How low can you go? (vent)
You guys are so much better than I am.
I plain gave up. Mine was my biological mother. Crazy *itch. I tried hard to try to communicate with her for the sake of my sanity and for the sake of my half sister who still lives with her. Boy was I stupid.
I gave up.
It got nasty, accusations flew, truths came out and shocked us all. It got so bad once I had to say 'Look Im 26 not 6, you can't just send me to my room to shut me up, we need to deal with this!' this was a few years ago. Round and round we went. I sent a bday card to my half sister, her father opened it read my message (innocent, happy bday and enjoy stuff) and sent it BACK to me, without letting her know I had sent it saying 'She's my daughter and will never be your sister' well then.
I figured I lived 16 pretty normal happy years without her in my life, it's time I did it again. I stopped calling and gave up.
9/11 happened and I was injured. My half sister sent me an email. I sent back to her what had happened to me and......... real stupid............. I said 'Please tell our mother that I am ok' I mean.. she *IS* my mother right????
I got back a reply: 'Mom knows you were in the buildings, she just doesn't care'
hrmm Well Ok.
Last I heard my cousin emailed to ask me for my mother's new email address and I said 'I don't know, don't care, as far as I'm concerned don't even bother inviting me to the funeral'.
You guys are still TRYING to mend fences.. so MUCH better than me. I frankly give up. And I think I'm better off for it!
NovemberSue
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Re: How low can you go? (vent)
Xelindrya: Some people you are better off not having in your life. You would think that since my birth father is ill, he would come to try to make peace with the people he wronged. Sadly, some people will never change. I am perfectly content without him. He was never much a part of my life except for the phone calls to say hi about twice a month which always ended in insults and arguements over things he made up in his twisted head.
NovemberSue
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Re: How low can you go? (vent)UPDATE
Today I come home to a message on the machine from my birth father. He said ' I'm calling to tell you that we just received your card in the mail postmarked Nov 11th. I was hurt but obviously not by you but by the post office. I don't know why you got all mad at me.I never said you were a lier. I was just hurt. Anyway, I love you.' WHAT? While its true that he didn't call me a lier this time, he did about 2 weeks prior over something else. Basically he IMPLIED I was lying this time. And he was incredibly rude to me on the phone so of course I am angry. I didn't want to talk to him at all and now I don't know what to do. I feel like I am stuck and have to call to wish him a nice Thanksgiving even though I don't want to. He always ruins my day when I talk to him for even 5 minutes. Something nasty is always said to me and I am sick of it.I don't know what to do. Of course there was no apology on there either because he is never wrong. He always has a way of twisting things around that were said to make it look different. Now I don't know what to do. Every time I talk to him, he ruins my whole day.And I am pregnant. I don't need this stress. I can't talk to him. He's always been mentally abusive. He will never change.
Xelindrya
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Re: How low can you go? (vent)UPDATE*****
A woman I know said this:
You need to set limits. You have a life too. If there are negative people in your life bringing you down you need to calmly explain to them that you want them to please stop or stop talking to you. (key being calmly) If they continue you must be stern and strong. Remind them that you asked them to stop. If they presist you must break off the relationship. Negative feelings are not good for you and the stressed caused can be harmful. You must still look out for Number 1.
Ok.. That being said.. Im not one for calm. But it's a good basic idea. She did it with her mother who was always complaining. She finally just stopped taking her mother's calls. Her mom came over and demanding to know what was what.. and this lady clearly laid out the rules. Said if she wanted to continue to talk she had to follow the rules, that she no longer had time in her life for anything else. Her mom came around.
Me? I'd have lost it (and sort of have already). Enough is enough. Some times you 'are' better off without.
Im not advocating that you cut off beligerent parents, but I must be honest. I have been so much more at peace with my mother out of my life. Sometimes you just gotta do what's best for you.
