How many guests do you think cover their plates in gifts?

Original post by bethsiar

Dec 05, 2003 12:07 PM

FSIL is trying to figure out how she is going to pay for school loans, car loans and now the wedding. She asked me if she could make the budget with the plan that people will essentially pay for the reception themselves. The plate charge will be around 100.
Do you think this is a reasonable assumption or insane?

sweetnessconfused Posted: Dec 05, 2003 10:02 PM

Re: How many guests do you think cover their plates in gifts?

Tourist...

This was my FMIL who said it. I will have you know I received a crystal vase and a candlestick holder from her. I am sorry but I think some people are just RIDICULOUS!!!!! I have been getting the same gifts from ppl since my Sweet 16! I am sorry but $50 a person just doesn't cover it!!! Call me a b****, but reality is INFLATION baby! How could my FMIL give us such a gift! Granted she is a single mom, but give me a damn break. His grandmother gave us $100 and 2 crystal candlesticks and she only collects social security! I mean this is her son. She knew we were eventually going to get married. But instead she had the audacity to tell him last month, well given that your sister is getting married ( I will have you know we got engaged last Dec, she magically followed suit in July to a guy she has been more off with than on!) I will have to give her some $$$ towards her wedding since she is the daughter. But I don't have enough to give you any. I hope your not mad? That is b****! FI has done everything around the house for from painting the entire inside and outside, installing pipes, putting up an entire fence, etc. He even pays her rent every month. How dare she!!!

His sister who is a BM came with her FI and came me a crytsal dish (ugly) worth $50. His cousin and wife gave me a measly set of $29 glasses. (I checked prices).

I know I sound irate,but my mom had soup to nuts at Russo's for my e-party. These ppl everytime you passed the table were eating like scavengers. They even had the audacity to ask for tins to take home dessert! Give me a break!

wenndypoo Posted: Dec 05, 2003 10:22 PM

Re: How many guests do you think cover their plates in gifts?

OUCH!!
Sweetness, in all fairness your post seems a bit harsh. This obvously made you very upset. Maybe it would help you to take a different perspective on what happened, so you won't be so aggrevated. If this is how you feel about your e-party ( where gifts are traditionally not so extravagant), then your wedding day may push you over the edge.

You threw an E-party (optional) to celebrate your engagement, and to bring friends and family together to offer well wishes and celebrate with you also. People aren't always up to date on what things cost. Nor are they aware that certain gifts may be unacceptable to the bride to be. You might try being more gracious for what you have, and for the people around you who will love and support you, and yes, give you ugly candy dishes!
It will save you alot of grief now, on your wedding day, and probably the rest of your life if you could learn to be more appreciative of the non-materialistic things.

Not trying to flame, just trying to show you a different prespective on the whole gift thing.

J.Lo24 Posted: Dec 05, 2003 11:00 PM

Re: How many guests do you think cover their plates in gifts?

I think if everyone expected or thought to get back what they put into their wedding......We would see a lot less extravagant, over the top weddings. It seems sometimes people spend way over their means.

eroxgirl Posted: Dec 05, 2003 11:20 PM

Re: How many guests do you think cover their plates in gifts?

I know that I will NOT *make my money back* on the reception, no way. Most of my family gives gifts instead of cash (born and raised in New York, I might add).

papabear Posted: Dec 05, 2003 11:23 PM

Re: How many guests do you think cover their plates in gifts?

Posted by smm2675

It seems like you are treating your wedding as a fund raiser for yourself. WE all know weddings are expensive, I'm planning mine for 2006 for that reason alone. I don'e expect to have people pay for it, there are some that will be generous but that makes up for those who cannot afford to give money. We are going to have what we can afford, not what we think people will give us in the envelopes.

Excellently put!

Our engagement period is 18 months. We each saved a certain amount of money each month and made payments as they came due. We know that in April we will be shelling out a lot of cash to pay for things but the way our budget is planned, we hope to make back what we paid for that month only - that way we walk away from the wedding even.

nan&dave Posted: Dec 06, 2003 11:39 AM

Re: How many guests do you think cover their plates in gifts?

50/50. I know that some of our family members will give more than the plate, because they know how much it's going to cost (they already think we're nuts for spending that amount of $$). I know some won't be able to afford it, and then you have the people that are too cheap.

KCDC Posted: Dec 06, 2003 12:11 PM

Re: How many guests do you think cover their plates in gifts?

Sweetness- I give you credit for being so honest. You can't tell me that one bride, newlywed, newly engaged didn't open some of their gifts and were like 'damn, are you kidding me, that's it'? I'm sure there is plenty of disappointment, but no one will admit to it!!

alixgirl Posted: Dec 06, 2003 12:37 PM

Re: How many guests do you think cover their plates in gifts?

I have many friends who have gotten married recently and none of them got back half of what they had paid. One friend even got a 10 check from someone and it bounced when they cashed it. We went into the planning assuming we wouldn't get anything back and we will just be pleasantly surprised if we do. In the end it is your day and you should be the one spending the money. If u can't afford it then don't have a big wedding.

AtticaQT Posted: Dec 06, 2003 12:46 PM

Re: How many guests do you think cover their plates in gifts?

I may be wrong - but i think to a certain extent the question was a bit misconstrued -there is a a difference between thinking that each guest may cover the plate and planning with this expectation to the point where if you dont cover you are broke.

FH and I are thinking that our plate may get covered. We certainly arent planning with this expectation. We arent paying our vendors with the gifts that we get from the wedding. We are plannign with what money we already have on hand and all the vendors need not worry about getting paid. The cash portion of our wedding gifts will go towards our future such as furnishing our home and the such....

kathleenmarie Posted: Dec 06, 2003 01:00 PM

Re: How many guests do you think cover their plates in gifts?

have what you casn afford and dont plan on what youll get back cause you can never tell!

butterfly20 Posted: Dec 06, 2003 01:35 PM

Re: How many guests do you think cover their plates in gifts?

Posted by kathleenmarie

have what you casn afford and dont plan on what youll get back cause you can never tell!

exactly..... and its not wise to use credit cards because if you dont have the money to pay it back you get charged high fees

Kelly9904 Posted: Dec 06, 2003 01:43 PM

Re: How many guests do you think cover their plates in gifts?

First, I will say I was quoted 95pp for a Saturday in May from Swan Club...just so you know taht is an average price that time of year. October is an off month therefore less $$.

When It comes to the gifts. I dont think anyone in their right mind can go in thinking they will get back what they paid. If you think that you will be very disappointed! If money is an issue, have a low key wedding and dont spend as much.

That being said, my FH and I set our budget based on what we wanted and what we could afford as we are paying for this and putting a DP on a house!! I dont expect my catering costs or anything to be covered. I have friends who I love dearly but I know for fact they cant afford to cover their plate plus that of their guest! I wouldnt expect them to. If they give me a $30-50 gift that is great, if not having them there is enough. I am not asking them to my wedding in order to get their gift. I am asking them because I truly want to spend the day with them!

I also think you have to be realistic when it comes to wedding events. I saw someone mention the less expensive gift they got at their e-party. To be honest, I only go to an eparty if I am in the BP or exceptionally close to the person because it just becomes too much $$$. If that person gave you an e-party gift worth $30, then they are invited to your bridal shower and give a gift of $50, then to your wedding with a gift of $150, thats over $200 they ahve spent on you. It is your choice to have a Russos on teh Bay event. It is their choice to give what they feel is appropriate.

I think the real issue at hand is that some people (this is not directed anywhere in particular) invite people and say well at least I will get a good gift from them, instead of thinking htat the last thing a weddign should be about is a gift!

It should be centered around the memories of sharing your first day as husband and wife iwth the people who mean the most to you.