How many Stepmoms out there?

I'm going to be one in September. I love my FSD, Skyler (4) very much... she's very precocious (sp?). I have no children of my own, so this is my first shot at parenting. FH does not have full custody, so my role will be pretty limited. I'm just wondering what issues you have come across and how you chose to handle them?

Thanks everyone.

I'm not a stepmom, however I have a son and my FH will soon be a stepdad. I think our situation is a bit different because my son is with us all the time, but I had a very hard time giving up 'control' of my son (that probably doesn't sound the way I mean it). It was hard giving anyone a 'say' besides myself.

I have to say that I commend you for taking on such a role. I always said that it must be hard for someone with no children to come into a relationship with someone that has a child. Personally, I know that my son is better off having my FH in his life, and I'm sure your future step daughter will be better off with you in her life.

Good luck

Thank you

I do understand what you mean when you use the word 'control.'

I just have heard so many horror stories and I don't want to end up the 'evil step-mom' on many levels, including to Skyler's real mom. I realize that in certain areas this may be unaviodable... just looking for advice.


Thanks again for posting.

No problem

And I think you'll do just fine. The fact that you're even concerned with this says alot about the type of stepmom you'll be

I am a stepmom/bonusmom to a ten year old girl as well as a bio-mom to my 16 yr old son.
there are about 5 or 6 other Newlyweds on here that I can think of that are SMs too.
It is a difficult role & knowing that you are a different 'mom' not replacing her bio-mom is the biggest part.
There lots of healthy boundaries that you & your FH & his ex will have to establish regarding your SD so that everyone feels comfortable.
I had step parents growing up & I always felt blessed to have so many extra people looking out for me, I hope my bonusdaughter feels the same way.

A bonus daughter, that's a great way to think about it. Thanks.

Check out this site!!


Bonus Families

I am a Stepmom, when we married she was 10 now 12 and I have a son of my own 6 now. My DH has Custody of her though.

Horrible story...her bio mom had 4 kids 3 different fathers. One day had enough and called all the fathers and told them to come pick up there kids!!! Don't know how a mom can ever do that !!! So now the mother took back 3 kids but not my stepdaughter...DH says NO WAY!!! She will have to fight. I have had some arguing matches with her. I can kind of understand though, I am bringing up her child.

As young as your stepdaughter is I think everything will be fine!!!

I can't give you advice about being a step-mom, but I can tell you what it was like being a step-daughter. I did not get along well with my stepmother growing up (but we have a fabulous relationship now). Part of the reason for not getting along was that my stepmother never wanted children and when she was in her 30s, she met and fell in love with my father, who had 3 children.

Don't criticize your FSD's mother in front of her because that will only build resentment. What did help my situation is that my stepmother was involved in our lives, especially school. My parents had joint custody, so I spent one week with Mom, then the next with Dad and Stepmom, then back to Mom, etc., so everyone was involved. I think setting the boundaries in the beginning is a very smart idea. Good luck!

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Posted by Kriss2c

I'm going to be one in September. I love my FSD, Skyler (4) very much... she's very precocious (sp?). I have no children of my own, so this is my first shot at parenting. FH does not have full custody, so my role will be pretty limited. I'm just wondering what issues you have come across and how you chose to handle them?

Thanks everyone.

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I am going to become the official step-mom in July when we get married but I have been a step-mom since FI and I met back in 2000. I do not have any kids of my own either.

I moved in with FI a little while after we were dating. He has full custody of both of his daughters and they live with us. Luckily for me the mother is not in the picture so I have full control of everything in the girls lives. One is 11 and the other one is 7.. they are great kids! No real problems yet since they are still pretty young but I expect that to change once they hit the teenage years

I am a SM to a 17 yr old. When we first started dating it was rough, but now he knows I am here to stay, I know with someone so young it should be easier, I met him when he was 12, he was very protective of his father wanted him all to himself. Kids can sense when you are real, just be yourself. All the best.