How much for a 2nd marriage?

I'm sorry but being the bride of someone who was married once before (first time for me) I think as long as either the bride or the groom were never married before you should consider it the same as a first wedding.

So many people assume we don't need anything and were surprised when I registered. Well, I did for the following reasons:

-FH's ex-wife took everything that wasn't nailed down

-Why would I want to use the items from their wedding?... kinda creepy

-What goes around comes around. For years I've gone all out for everyone else's engagement, bridal shower, wedding and baby shower. Now, I've finally found the man I love more than anything else in the world.

-FH's first wedding was barely a wedding. Too long of a story but when I tell most people they are horrified.

I honestly would give them the same amount of a gift unless they request otherwisw.
For example, when my Dad got remarried they were in their 40's with 4 teenagers between them. They wrote on the invite 'your presence is the only gift we require'.

David's bride, I agree that for your first (and only) wedding, you should not have to sacrifice because FH was married before. I also went all out for so many friends in the past, and, sorry if this sounds selfish, but now it is my turn (I know I'll be reamed for that statement). In my case, neither of us has been married before, but if my Fh had been, I'd still expect the wedding that I am having.

As for the second marriage gift, I think it is different in a situation that I currently have. A good friend of mine (a guy from college) is getting married. Second time for both. I've already given wedding gifts, shower gifts, housewarming gifts, baby gifts and lots of stuff to his kids, with not much in return because I was never married. It is now his 2nd marriage and both spouses have kids from prior marriages. I believe that they should not be getting re-married at this point in their lives, but these are good friends of mine. They are hoping to spend a total of $1,000 on the wedding. I do not want to skimp on my friends but I am not sure that I big cash gift is really appropriate either. I usually give about $250-$350 for a friends wedding but I am wondering if $100-$150 is enough here??????????????? I mean, if I give my usual, I am paying for 25 percent of their wedding!!!!! They are not registered anywhere. They will probaby give me the same amount as I give them. I guess I have to suck it up.

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Posted by Chrissa

FH and I are going to a wedding next weekend. It isnt fancy it is at a town hall type building. THey are having it catered by a family freind, and it is a second marriage for both. How much would you give as a gift? TIA

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I ran into a similar situation years ago with a former friend.

I was her MOH at her first wedding and spent a fortune between the dress, accessories, shower gift, bachlorette party and the wedding gift. Their marriage lasted 1 year and 4 months! She met a guy soon after that and dated him for a while and then got engaged again. during this time, we drifted apart, it happens.

I thought it was ridiculous when I got her shower invite.... like she's never gone through this already? give me a break! Anyhow, I went to the shower but not to the wedding. I was relieved to have an excuse - my sister was getting married 1 weekend after her in CA and I left for CA the day of her wedding. She was not so nice to me at the shower and when I called her the day before her wedding. I was going to send a small wedding gift, but decided later on not to.

I usually give about $250-$350 for a friends wedding but I am wondering if $100-$150 is enough here??????????????? I mean, if I give my usual, I am paying for 25 percent of their wedding!!!!! They are not registered anywhere. They will probaby give me the same amount as I give them. I guess I have to suck it up.

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I would give them $100... that's 1/10 of the entire cost of the wedding and like you said, you've already spent a small fortune on them in the past.

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Posted by ssdbk

David's bride, I agree that for your first (and only) wedding, you should not have to sacrifice because FH was married before. I also went all out for so many friends in the past, and, sorry if this sounds selfish, but now it is my turn (I know I'll be reamed for that statement). In my case, neither of us has been married before, but if my Fh had been, I'd still expect the wedding that I am having.

As for the second marriage gift, I think it is different in a situation that I currently have. A good friend of mine (a guy from college) is getting married. Second time for both. I've already given wedding gifts, shower gifts, housewarming gifts, baby gifts and lots of stuff to his kids, with not much in return because I was never married. It is now his 2nd marriage and both spouses have kids from prior marriages. I believe that they should not be getting re-married at this point in their lives, but these are good friends of mine. They are hoping to spend a total of $1,000 on the wedding. I do not want to skimp on my friends but I am not sure that I big cash gift is really appropriate either. I usually give about $250-$350 for a friends wedding but I am wondering if $100-$150 is enough here??????????????? I mean, if I give my usual, I am paying for 25 percent of their wedding!!!!! They are not registered anywhere. They will probaby give me the same amount as I give them. I guess I have to suck it up.

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In that case, both were marrried before, have kids and are having a very small affair then yes $100. is a good amount. And, especially, when some people seem to have two weddings back to back (only short amount of years between them).

Sorry if I sounded defensive I'm actually getting a lot of the questions from MY side of the family and my co-workers. I have been so generous to them for years. From egagement gifts to baby gifts and now graduation. I could understand if I was the one married before. I never expected anything from FH's family and friends and they have actually been more generous than I ever imagined. His first wedding was like the one described above and a lot of his family and friends were not invited and his parents felt awful. His ex did all of the planning and consulted no one.

I wholeheartedly agree, when it's the second wedding for both (especially when they both had big weddings previously) it should say on the invite 'Your presence is the only gift that desire'. Like I said before, my Dad did that. Some people still brought them gifts but no one was obligated to.

Thanks for all your advice ladies. It is a second marriage for both. They both did the hole big wedding thing, and I can't imagine that this wedding is going to cost them more than $1000 (not that that really matters - I just want to give you an idea of how imformal it is)

- I do not think giving what I would normally give for a first time marriage is appropriate. The brides sister is giving $125, so i thought $100 and I was thinking the candel basket with the poem (its been posted on here a few times) would be thoughtful and enough.

Thanks for the help!