I feel somewhat disappointed by how involved or shall I say uninvolved my BM's have been. My MOH (who lives down the block from me) is married and has a 2 1/2 year old so arranging for her to do things with me is always a project or she has to bring her son (who I adore).
My BM's are spread out..one in PA, one in queens, one in Nassau Co. and FSIL and my MOH live in the same town as me. I try to share my excitement when I do things via e-mail including sending a pic of my dress and tiara and veil when I picked them. I got NO response from my BM in PA....I just don't get it.
It's not that I HAVE to have a BM with me to do everything, I just thought they'd be more involved or actually want to do things with me. These girls are like my sisters since I have none. Does anyone else feel this way? Or am I expecting too much?
Thank God for LI Weddings!
NYCMeghan
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Re: How much should your BM's REALLY be helping?
I expect my girls to show up, and ***** about the dress. Fortunately I was able to swing the budget so I gave them each their dress as a gift so they can't ***** that I made them buy it. My MOH is great with wedding stuff, more so than I ever imagined her to be. I think people will come around - and if there is stuff you need done have your MOH delegate it out. But friends just sometimes weird out because your getting married - don't take it too seriously and don't expect a lot of them and you'll all be happier in the long run.
cluelessbride
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Re: How much should your BM's REALLY be helping?
I don't expect too much because frankly, they are busy and we're older now (33ish) and so weddings are kind of been there, done that. But I think you can - and should - expect from them what you would expect from any friend: a sympathetic ear, hugs when you need them, interest in your life.
I think your BM who did not reply to your email is not such a great friend. But give her the benefit of the doubt - maybe she's away, or didn't get the email?
PrincessRose
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Re: How much should your BM's REALLY be helping?
Yeah, my 8 girls live all over. Only one lives in Nassau, and she's even a bit difficult.
My Maid of Honor is rough to get in touch with, but she's been wonderful when she's been around. And the other girls have been as involved as they can be, but it's rough - one's in AZ, and Matron is down in FL!
They don't always respond when I send them stuff, which can get frustrating, I know. But they're your girls, and I'm sure they love you.
I feel the same way about them as you do - I have no sisters, so they are the closest thing to it for me!
nferrandi
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Re: How much should your BM's REALLY be helping?
Look on the bright side, my sister (MOH) lives 2 doors away from me and she's not all that involved either. She and I talk about the wedding all the time and she's very excited for it, but she didn't even come with me when I bought my dress. I told her that we're (me and the whole bridal party) are going to RK Bridal to look for BM dresses next weekend and she gave me an attitude that she had to go and that she wasn't going to stay for lunch because she has 'stuff' to do. I think that sometimes, whether we like it or not, people have a lot of their own thngs going on and just can't be as into the planning as we may like. I don't think you're expecting too much and you're certainly not alone.
FeliciaDA
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Re: How much should your BM's REALLY be helping?
You are NOT alone - trust me on that one!!
While I am VERY independent and really don't look to my BM's for help, I have been extremely disappointed in the lack of enthusiasm I've received from those I asked to be in my WP. Both my girls and FH's guys have been completely UNinvolved. I thank God everyday I found this site, at least I feel like I have people who care about me here!
The one person who would have been my MOH is preggo and due the DAY BEFORE my WEDDING -- she cannot even ATTEND SO that really took the life out of my wedding party right there, ya know?
I don't expect these girls to revolve their lives around my wedding .. but they honestly don't even ASK me about anything until I have to chase them down and get them to do what they knew they'd have to do.
And I've been in plenty of weddings and have made 100x more effort to be helpful than they have! But that's just me I guess
AJsMommy122
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Re: How much should your BM's REALLY be helping?
I have the same problem.. my fsil has actually been really helpful and always wants to go to the bridal expo's and stuff which is great.. but its also b/c she wants to get married soon to. Either way I appreciate all the help and support. My MOH is helpful when she can but works and goes to school and has a boyfriend.. she gets on helpful spats where we do tuns of wedding stuff and planning one week and the next week we dont even talk.. and my matron of honor.. my sister.. shes married and has two kids so its harder for her but she really tries. I love all of them no matter how much they help - besides we all have SUCH different taste that they hardly ever seem to like what I like anyway. sometimes I prefer them not to do EVERYTHING with me b/c of it
Rob-luvs-me
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Re: How much should your BM's REALLY be helping?
Ok this is going to be horrible to say - BUT my good BM (MOH, and 2 others) have been unfortunately VERY busy and not very helpful - but the two who have caused trouble are MORE than accessible
butterfly20
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Re: How much should your BM's REALLY be helping?
i expect them to show up and be supportive, and smile for pictures...
they are getting their dress from me, so the only expense they have is to get shoes or other accesaries..ive tried to make it easy for them cause thats the way id like it myself... both bm's are always excited for me and ask how things are comign along, and my one bm went shopping with me for my dress..
JimmysBride
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Re: How much should your BM's REALLY be helping?
I know what you mean. I expected my BMs to be a little more enthusiastic about the wedding and maybe even be remotely interested in the plans. Some are, some aren't. It's funny, because the ones I thought would be the most supportive turned out being the most distant and unreachable. But, I've learned to see it as a blessing in disguise. When they DO get involved or interested and I share ideas or plans with them, someone always has something critical to say: 'Really? You're doing THAT??!'
I've found that the less opinions, the better. So I don't even seek them for support anymore and I'm happier & less stressed for it.
september2004
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Re: How much should your BM's REALLY be helping?
Posted by NYCMeghan
I expect my girls to show up, and ***** about the dress. Fortunately I was able to swing the budget so I gave them each their dress as a gift so they can't ***** that I made them buy it. My MOH is great with wedding stuff, more so than I ever imagined her to be. I think people will come around - and if there is stuff you need done have your MOH delegate it out. But friends just sometimes weird out because your getting married - don't take it too seriously and don't expect a lot of them and you'll all be happier in the long run.
well said. i just basically expect my girls to show up, anything else i view as a bonus...
MissM
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Re: How much should your BM's REALLY be helping?
I only have one in my BP and she went with me to get my dress and hers. She also has kids, so she's very busy too. Just out of curiosity - what are they traditionally suposed to do?
janwinterbridejoy
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Re: How much should your BM's REALLY be helping?
my brother was my man of honor and he actually helped with the shower and picking songs for the play list. my bridesmaid helped mom with my shower and helped me with the invitations and any other littl ethings i needed.
NYCHICK
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Re: How much should your BM's REALLY be helping?
Prior to the wedding. I expect absolutely nothing. One the day of i tell them to show up on time, look cute, and smile. As long as I have great memories of the day i am thrilled. I think trying to get them involved is just unneeded stress.
RedHead
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Re: How much should your BM's REALLY be helping?
I am sorry but i expect more than 'just showing up'..I am inviting 180 people that i just expect to show up...My BM's are supposed to be a little more involved in the wedding then the average guest who shows up. At the very least it would be nice if they showed interest...I don't think that is asking too much. I am lucky 5 out of 6 have really been great but that 6th one well she was the closest to me and the least involved. SO i understand you are saying.
dm24angel
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Re: How much should your BM's REALLY be helping?
I just started the 'wedding planning' process and I go to school Full time and work full time ...I was beginning to want to cry at every thought of making a decision or having to do something. I am having 2 Bm's and neither of them had seen my ring ( still havent) but one is a single mom 30 minutes away and another married w/ 3 kids so I understood that part but I just picked up the phone teh other day to my MOH and said, Listen I think Im really going to need your help with all of this. I was afraid at her response, especially because she did not have a big wedding( married at justice of the peace) and wants one so bad...anyway..to my surprise she said instantly...e-mail me lists of people for all the parties, phone #'s, and any places that need calling etc..I'll do it all for you. I could not have been more surprised..and relieved!!! I would seriously say something to them, no all serious but something like ' Wow Im overwhelmed, Wanna help me do such and such' I bet ( if they are true friends/close family) that they will respond in a positive way.
alixgirl
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Member since
Re: How much should your BM's REALLY be helping?
None of my BMs are involved very much and they are pretty spread out as well. My matron of honor is the only one who calls to get checkups and see if I need any help. My mom has been great. No one is as excited as I am which is understandable I guess but it is still upsetting.
bride2B04
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Re: How much should your BM's REALLY be helping?
Posted by halloweenbride04
I feel somewhat disappointed by how involved or shall I say uninvolved my BM's have been. My MOH (who lives down the block from me) is married and has a 2 1/2 year old so arranging for her to do things with me is always a project or she has to bring her son (who I adore).
My BM's are spread out..one in PA, one in queens, one in Nassau Co. and FSIL and my MOH live in the same town as me. I try to share my excitement when I do things via e-mail including sending a pic of my dress and tiara and veil when I picked them. I got NO response from my BM in PA....I just don't get it.
It's not that I HAVE to have a BM with me to do everything, I just thought they'd be more involved or actually want to do things with me. These girls are like my sisters since I have none. Does anyone else feel this way? Or am I expecting too much?
Thank God for LI Weddings!
You just took the words out of my mind i send emails constatnly and get no response sometimes weeks later when i said hey i need to pick this by friday which do u like better? i have a BM outof state, and all the rest scatered in the 5 boroughs the best 1 at work that ignore my emails. i am so fed up i spend days crying over it and thank god for 2 close friends that i met to late in the whole planning process to put them in the BP. if i did not have them i would have told my entire BP to F**K off!!!! i FEEL YOUR PAIN!!!!!!
August2004
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Re: How much should your BM's REALLY be helping?
dm24angel
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Re: How much should your BM's REALLY be helping?
I just wanted to say Im so sorry that you guys are not having your 'girls' help you, it means a lot for the BM's to be a help or at least show concern, excitement! Im here for ya all!
