How to univite a couple of guests?

evelynrtorres Posted: Jul 23, 2002 04:22 PM

How to univite a couple of guests?

A year ago I opened my big mouth & invited (verbally) a couple of co-workers that I am no longer close with. I had my shower this past weekend & needless to say, neither one of them came or called my BM to tell her they weren't coming (they both gave me lame excuses for not coming afterwards) & they paid for them to come (caterer needed headcount). Neither one of them is attending my Bachlorette Party either (I asked them). Since I'm not close with either one and my fiance and I would RATHER invite a couple of other people we have met over the year and hang out with often (who weren't on the original guest list since we already had too many people); How do I go about univiting them? I know some feeling will be hurt but I'd rather have people who care about us at our wedding!

angie3 Posted: Jul 23, 2002 04:52 PM

Re: How to univite a couple of guests?

Simple... just don't send them an invite and if they ask (which they probably won't) just say that you were forced to cut back on your guest list for budget reasons. You really don't have to give them any reason... Just don't send them an invite. See personnally, I wouldn't have a problem AT ALL saying 'Well, since you RSVP'd YES to the shower and then just didn't show, I didn't think you really cared...' But that's me and when I want I can be a you know what... Besides, why be polite to someone who didn't give you the same courtesy?

lili Posted: Jul 23, 2002 04:56 PM

Re: How to univite a couple of guests?

PLain and simple just dont send invite. If they know the specifics and there is a problem. Tell them you cut back. Or you say you had to change venue for what ever reson.

shamma Posted: Jul 23, 2002 05:06 PM

Re: How to univite a couple of guests?

I agree no invite THey did not show up to your shower what would give me any confidence that they are going to show up for the wedding. Its your wedding you do not have to explain yourself

brooke Posted: Jul 23, 2002 07:43 PM

Re: How to univite a couple of guests?

It's not really an UNinvite if they weren't officially invited yet! I think citing budget cut-backs is an 'out' that everyone would understand.

Cindy Posted: Jul 23, 2002 07:43 PM

Re: How to univite a couple of guests?

I had the same rudeness shown to me at my shower from some of FH's cousin, but unfortunaltely you cant uninvite his cousins. To me unless there is an emergency or something very important, it is so selfish and classless to wake up and decide not to go to someones shower when someone put money in for the lunch. I agree with the other posts and wouldnt send an invite. Good luck.

yabbobay Posted: Jul 24, 2002 08:05 AM

Re: How to univite a couple of guests?

I have to disagree with everyone...

If they were verbally invited they should get an invitation.

The most likely scenerio would be that they don't come anyway...do not count them in the headcount.

Cindy Posted: Jul 24, 2002 08:31 AM

Re: How to univite a couple of guests?

Is there a way of giving a lesser headcount for people you fear wont show up?

Cindy Posted: Jul 24, 2002 08:32 AM

Re: How to univite a couple of guests?

Is there a way of giving a lesser headcount for people you fear wont show up?

yabbobay Posted: Jul 24, 2002 08:56 AM

Re: How to univite a couple of guests?

Cindy...you are Flowerfields right? For Land's End I had to give them a head count 2 weeks before, but I could add on afterwards...You only have to have the exact count 2 days before...when you pay

evelynrtorres Posted: Jul 24, 2002 09:44 AM

Re: How to univite a couple of guests?

Thanks girls. I REALLY appreciate your advice. My family thinks I shouldn't send an invitation either. If they didn't have the courtesy to respond to my other invites, why bother? With my luck they would respond yes to my wedding just to get a free meal out of it (One of the girls is very selfish and is always looking for other people to pay her way). I think I'm going to go ahead and send out the invitations to the new friends we have made over this year, they are fun people and we enjoy hanging out with them, and hey, it's partly true....because of budget reasons we couldn't invite them....now we can (since we're dropping those two from our list).

michele31 Posted: Jul 24, 2002 11:07 AM

Re: How to univite a couple of guests?

IMO- honestly once someone is invited (verbally or written) you don't 'take it back'. I doubt they will even come to the wedding anyway. Unless you want to say to them 'Since you didn't come to my shower or my bachlorette party I am assuming that you do not want to come to the wedding either, which is fine.' or something like that. Especially since the girls were invited to your shower. But this is just MO.

evelynrtorres Posted: Jul 24, 2002 12:14 PM

Re: How to univite a couple of guests?

Michelle,
I totally respect your opinion, however....I DO feel bad about taking my verbal invite back but I was hurt at the fact that these two people who I thought were friends a while back, have decided that they have better things to do than to come to my shower (BTW...one's excuse was she was at a friends BBQ, the other one was hanging out with a friend that day...Umm...hello....they knew about it for over a month and I thought I was a friend too, I'm only going to have one bridal shower ever...knock on wood). It's not about presents or anything like that, it's about showing someone you care enough to at least acknowledge their invitation, which neither one did. So on one hand I have two people who don't respect me enough to do that, and on the other hand I have two people who always ask how the planning is going & they seem to really be interested in our wedding but because we have already gone way beyond the amount of people we wanted to invite (and our budget) we could not add them to our list. I don't want these two girls who could care less about us coming just because it's a 'free party' where as I could invite two people in their place that do care.

curly2003 Posted: Jul 24, 2002 12:54 PM

Re: How to univite a couple of guests?

I agree with the other ladies too babe! Simply do not send them an invite. I am running into the same situation and will do that. If they don't receive one then they cant ASSUME they are invited. Good luck!

michele31 Posted: Jul 24, 2002 01:34 PM

Re: How to univite a couple of guests?

You need to do what is best for you , and your situatiuon. But I would speak to them. I mean, what kind of excuse is going to a BBQ?
Also, this will help other girls learn a very helpful lesson, 'Don't verbal invite folks until you have your entire guest list complete' I have been super careful not to discuss the wedding at work too much.

evelynrtorres Posted: Jul 24, 2002 03:16 PM

Re: How to univite a couple of guests?

Thanks Michelle! Lesson learned big-time!!! Not that I ever plan on having another wedding but whenever I plan on throwing a big celebration, I will be more discreet.

Thanks again girls for your help, I totally appreciate it, you've helped me more than you know!!!

aug9bride Posted: Jul 24, 2002 05:01 PM

Re: How to univite a couple of guests?

I am with the majority evelyn, don't send the invite. Things change. If it is someone that you know you will continue to see and maitain a relationship with them send them one. If not, don't sweat it.

dgtlsunshine Posted: Jul 24, 2002 05:55 PM

Re: How to univite a couple of guests?

Don't feel bad doing this. My coworker did not show up to my shower and I said ok nothing about it. Then she asked if she could bring her boyfriend to the wedding. I said ok, both of their behinds did not show up at the wedding. I should of never given her the invite after she didn't show up to the shower. Don't send them an invitation and don't feel bad about it. I found in my wedding planning that some people would bend their back for you with your wedding and some people could care less. Our wedding was in NYC and a close friend of ours brother got married the day before us in Maryland and they had an evening wedding. We had a morning wedding in NYC the day after his brother got married and he and his wife were both there. We could not believe they made it. They kept telling us they were coming and we were thinking how are they going to make it. We said if anything hopefully they would make the reception. They were at our ceremony and all. Now see after that no one can tell me any good excuse why they didn't show up unless they were sick or something.

evelynrtorres Posted: Jul 25, 2002 11:11 AM

Re: How to univite a couple of guests?

That's awesome, thanks for sharing that story! I was also impressed with some of my friends at my shower, some of them live so far away and yet they showed up, it really touched me & I was so thankful & happy to see them. I guess weddings are the best time to find out who your friends really are & who cares about you.