How would you feel if...

Alvatorre74 Posted: Jul 21, 2003 10:16 PM

How would you feel if...

A very good friend, that u invited to your wedding was not going to come because She said she couldnt afford to give me a gift???

I told her I just wanted her and her husband there!! And that I didnt care about a Gift!!!...I was sooo disappointed because I was one of her BM at her wedding

ChristineC68 Posted: Jul 21, 2003 10:19 PM

Re: How would you feel if...

I could see where she is coming from but tell her a million times over that she is sooooooo much more important then any gift!!!!!!!!!!! Then INSIST that she come to the wedding

swags1016 Posted: Jul 21, 2003 10:19 PM

Re: How would you feel if...

Leslie I have that situation with one of my friends too. I told her the same thing. I told her my gift would be having my good friend there and I don't care about the money. She still feels embarrassed. People feel awkward when it comes to stuff like this. I don't know what else you can do.

Alvatorre74 Posted: Jul 21, 2003 10:21 PM

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I cried when I got her response...!! I just couldnt believe it....I insisted she still said No,,,

mv1003 Posted: Jul 21, 2003 10:24 PM

Re: How would you feel if...

That is really sad, but she's probably a little embarrassed that she can't afford a 'gift' for you.
Even after you told her that wasn't important, she still isn't going?? What if you tell her to go, and if she still feels the need to give you a gift, she has a year according to the 'books'... and then tell her you'll never accept it anyway (did that make any sense? )

Alvatorre74 Posted: Jul 21, 2003 10:29 PM

Re: How would you feel if...

Yes it made sense..MV1003, .But, I guess I understand her..
I probably wounldnt go either if I couldn't afford it...I wouldnt want the bride to think I was a Cheapo..

mv1003 Posted: Jul 21, 2003 10:34 PM

Re: How would you feel if...

I know, I wouldn't either. I'm not going to my girlfriends wedding in Sept- but she lives in San Francisco & it's 3 weeks before mine. 1. I simply can't afford for me and FH to fly, stay in a hotel & give her a gift not now anyway. and 2.... I'll probably be a lunatic running around like a chicken w/ no head 3 weeks before my wedding....

I'm too embarrassed to tell her it's b/c I can't afford it. I'm going to her shower in Aug. and staying w/ friends.. I'm sure she'll understand about the wedding.

juju Posted: Jul 21, 2003 10:42 PM

Re: How would you feel if...

ARe you sure there aren't any underlying issues? Because if she was a true friend, she would go to your wedding. When I got engaged, I asked one of my friends to be one of my BM's and she said 'yes' and two weeks later she told me she can't because of the expense. (she lives in TX) Mind you, when she said 'no' it was still 9 mos. away!!! It's not like she can't afford it, because she Can!! She was suppose to be my Best Friend, and I guess friendships change. Yes, I was her MOH in her wedding!! We had a falling out last year for a couple of months and I accepted her apology (that's a long story). Since, then our relationship changed. But, My FH put in perspective for me by saying 'after what she did to you...you should be happy she is not in our wedding' It hurts but, don't let it bring you down.

mv1003 Posted: Jul 21, 2003 10:45 PM

Re: How would you feel if...

juju- sorry to hear that...
For my situation- it's really about $$. This wedding is killing us- sad to say. We're doing it, but I'll be glad once it's all over.

prncssrachel Posted: Jul 21, 2003 10:48 PM

Re: How would you feel if...

Remind her that she has a year to send you a wedding gift. Although I would not want one if I were in your shoes, maybe it will make her feel better!

butterfly20 Posted: Jul 22, 2003 01:10 AM

Re: How would you feel if...

rachael.. good point... and she can give you a card congratulating you at the wedding and no one will know there isnt a gift inside..

jlm2004 Posted: Jul 22, 2003 01:14 AM

Re: How would you feel if...

I'm sure you will have a ton of stuff to do before the wedding and the gift of time is priceless. I'd be thrilled if someone offered to help with last minute stuff instead of a gift!!!!!

2003OCT10 Posted: Jul 22, 2003 01:16 AM

Re: How would you feel if...

Does anyone (other than the B&G) ever see the envelope anyway???

We had that experience when my FH's cousin got married. We ran into a really tight, rough spot. We could afford maybe fifty bucks, they told us to come anyway. We did, I wrote a really cute love poem and stuck it in a frame along wihtthe money.
Tell her to write you a poem, something special that is made for the two of you! Thats worth more than any monetary amount!

daisybride Posted: Jul 22, 2003 08:47 AM

Re: How would you feel if...

That is so sad

julybride444 Posted: Jul 22, 2003 08:59 AM

Re: How would you feel if...

I would just tell her again and again that the gift is not important to you.

Maybe you could ask her to help you put together favors, make menus, be your house sitter on your honeymoon, or some other helpful task as your gift.

I actually had a BM almost back out b/c she felt she couldn't afford the dress, the bach. party, and then a gift too. I had to thoroughly convince her that a gift was unnecessary, and I bought her dress as her gift, but it only worked when I told her that when she graduates law school and becomes a big shot lawyer she could get me back!

curly2003 Posted: Jul 22, 2003 09:01 AM

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That is so sady Les I'm sorry But, you have to respect her wishes.

dcbride Posted: Jul 22, 2003 11:02 AM

Re: How would you feel if...

Personally I would be very pi$$ed off. My friends would know that I don't care about a gift that it is more important that they be there. But if I was in their bridal party I would be so pi$$ed because I spent all that money for their wedding and they don't have money for just a gift. Just my opinion. I would also get annoyed if I saw them go on vacation or do anything like that. It is entirely a different situation if there is travel involved.

kelly6273 Posted: Jul 22, 2003 11:04 AM

Re: How would you feel if...

Wait a little while and then tell her that you paid for her already and that you are going to lose money if she doesn't come. I did this and it worked!

nrvbrd Posted: Jul 22, 2003 11:05 AM

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I am sorry about this!!!

I do understand where she is coming from. I hope she will change her mind.

xjulietx Posted: Jul 22, 2003 11:14 AM

Re: How would you feel if...

That's horrible that someone would feel the need to not come to a friend's wedding because of money. She needs to celebrate with you. Money is money. It's nice to have it. It makes a lot of things possible, but it should never dictate whether or not you can attend a function. I think you should show this thread to your friend. Let her know that this bothers you so much that you asked everyone here and we all think that she should come and bring a card and enjoy the evening.

I also like the idea of having her help you with some wedding stuff. Help with favors and stuff is priceless. Sometimes your own family won't help you with that, so another helping hand there would be great.

Good luck!