HUGE DILEMA AND FIGHT WITH FUTURE MIL OVER INVITATION WORDING.....HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!
LVBRIDE
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HUGE DILEMA AND FIGHT WITH FUTURE MIL OVER INVITATION WORDING.....HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!
SORRY THIS IS SO LONG! Ok soooo my parents are amazing and I am lucky enough that they offered to pay for my wedding. They also hosted an enormous engagement party at a catering hall for us...which they also paid for. They literally are paying for every single cent of this wedding and all the events surrounding it. So naturally when thinking about invitation wording I wanted to do 'Mr. and Mrs. ___ __ invite you .......' I wanted to include my mother in law ( his dad is not in the picture) after my FH's name 'son of Ms.____'. Well when my FH told her this she had a HUGE HUGE FIT. She got into a HUGE fight with him and said that she should be listed on the invite along with my parents, and that it is rude and disrespectful not to put her on, how could he do such a thing, and that he is basically disregarding and mixing his family with garbage, if she's not on, and what will people think....and that is just a small party of it. He tried to explain that it is a black tie wedding and this is just invitation etiquette and no one is putting her down but she won't budge. SHE SAID IF SHE IS NOT ON IT WHEN SHE GET IT IN THE MAIL SHE IS NOT COMING TO THE WEDDING AND NEITHER IS ANYONE ON HIS SIDE. (back story is she LOVES to showoff and likes to brag to people, so the only reason she wants to be on it is so that she can walk around the wedding and brag to her friends....she made us tell her prices of everything (including my dress) because I am sure she is telling people and trying to show off to her side how much things cost). I am guessing she is telling people she is contributing but I will never know. Further her reason for wanting to be on it is that she is giving us a big gift (don't know what) and that my parents are keeping all the gifts from the wedding (we do money at weddings), which is true my parents are, but that is because they are giving us our house! She finally agreed to not having anyones name on the invitation and just having it read 'The honor of your presence is requested at...' My parents said they don't care if they are listed as hosts because they are not doing the wedding to get credit but I think it is soooo unfair because they are doing soo much for us. I am just sooooo mad! If she wasn't acting like this I probably would have just listed her with my parents but now I just dont want to out of principal. PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR THOUGHTS
angelscri
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Re: HUGE DILEMA AND FIGHT WITH FUTURE MIL OVER INVITATION WORDING.....HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!
Wow. sorry to hear. Tough decision, because I am sure your fh wants his mom and his side of the family at the wedding. This would really make me upset, did you tell her that it is customary for your parents name to be on it since they are the one's paying for the entire wedding? In the end, I don't think I would care if she was upset, I would word the invite the way I want to. It's your wedding and she should not be stressing you out like this. I would not have told her how much anything costs, if she was not volunteering to pay for any of it, then the cost should not concern her. Good luck with everything. Do not let her or anyone else stress you out, it's YOUR wedding.
LVBRIDE
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Re: HUGE DILEMA AND FIGHT WITH FUTURE MIL OVER INVITATION WORDING.....HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!
one more thing: I hope that I didn't come off obnoxious about it all, I am just frustrated that she is giving us an ultimatum like that...If she was nice about it and said she just wants to be part of it because she feels left out and was a little more sincere I would put her on in a heartbeat. I do everything in my power to be nice to his mom and keep a good relationship with her. I just feel like 'what will people think?' is a bit of a shallow reason to want to be on your son's wedding invitation? Should I just be the bigger person?
LVBRIDE
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Re: HUGE DILEMA AND FIGHT WITH FUTURE MIL OVER INVITATION WORDING.....HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!
And yes my FH tried to explain it to her 1000 different ways...but she is just making it all about her...she doesn't seem to get the invitation is not about putting her in the limelight but it is to invite people to our marriage!
AugustFeather
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Re: HUGE DILEMA AND FIGHT WITH FUTURE MIL OVER INVITATION WORDING.....HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!
Oh myyyyyyyyyy!!! This is not good I don't even know what to tell you to do about this. Is there a neutral 3rd party person you can speak to in his family? What about FH's father?? This is a tough situation. I am really shocked that she is saying anything knowing full well that your parents are footing the whole bill. I think the way you are wording the invite it is correct... but as an outsider I could never tell you how to handle this. Best thing to do is speak to someone else close to her (her husband) and try to come to terms with what to do!!!
GOOD LUCK!
justnicethings
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Re: HUGE DILEMA AND FIGHT WITH FUTURE MIL OVER INVITATION WORDING.....HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!
she is totally out of line, but the best idea is probably to just not include any names. just go with 'The honor of your presence is requested at...' and that's it. Better to keep it drama free. Good luck.
ndeokinanan
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Re: HUGE DILEMA AND FIGHT WITH FUTURE MIL OVER INVITATION WORDING.....HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!
so sorry to hear this...if she won't budge then forget writing names...or you can just take the chance and leave it the way you have it...she might be bluffing
LVBRIDE
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Re: HUGE DILEMA AND FIGHT WITH FUTURE MIL OVER INVITATION WORDING.....HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!
He tried to talk to his grandma (MIL's mom) but she did the same thing his mom did...his dad is not in the picture so can't talk to him about it...I am considering sending invites with no names to her guests and sending my guest's invites with my parents as hosts (she doesn't know any of my guests and would never know). My FH is totally on my side and agrees my parents should be on it because they are doing it all. He also is all for my little scheme of two different invites. I further could toast my parents at the wedding and thank them for throwing such a great event.
AugustFeather
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Re: HUGE DILEMA AND FIGHT WITH FUTURE MIL OVER INVITATION WORDING.....HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!
Posted by erozin
He tried to talk to his grandma (MIL's mom) but she did the same thing his mom did...his dad is not in the picture so can't talk to him about it...I am considering sending invites with no names to her guests and sending my guest's invites with my parents as hosts (she doesn't know any of my guests and would never know). My FH is totally on my side and agrees my parents should be on it because they are doing it all. He also is all for my little scheme of two different invites. I further could toast my parents at the wedding and thank them for throwing such a great event.
GREAT IDEA!!!!
JuneBride14
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Re: HUGE DILEMA AND FIGHT WITH FUTURE MIL OVER INVITATION WORDING.....HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!
Posted by AugustFeather
Posted by erozin
He tried to talk to his grandma (MIL's mom) but she did the same thing his mom did...his dad is not in the picture so can't talk to him about it...I am considering sending invites with no names to her guests and sending my guest's invites with my parents as hosts (she doesn't know any of my guests and would never know). My FH is totally on my side and agrees my parents should be on it because they are doing it all. He also is all for my little scheme of two different invites. I further could toast my parents at the wedding and thank them for throwing such a great event.
GREAT IDEA!!!!
it is a good idea! it is hard to be put in that situation though. is she the type of person that would truly not show up to her son's wedding over the wording on an invitation?? that seems really drastic! i am not in the position but i am in the mindset of s*rew you don't threaten me and would follow etiquette and put the name of the people paying for the wedding on top and her name under his.... Mr and Mrs Smith request the honor of your presence to the marriage of their daugher Jane to Michael Son of Ms. Jones...
good luck
Thats-What-She-Said
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Re: HUGE DILEMA AND FIGHT WITH FUTURE MIL OVER INVITATION WORDING.....HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!
Ohhhh I feel your pain. Not with this exact thing ( i completely avoided it by just doing the invitations and showing them to MIL once they were already done.
Honestly at this point, freeze her out. Just don't talk to her about wedding stuff anymore. Tell her it's all done already and just avoid it.
And if you really want to get under her skin you could do a public thank you to your parents at the reception. Haha but I'm a biatch like that.
anszusterman
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Re: HUGE DILEMA AND FIGHT WITH FUTURE MIL OVER INVITATION WORDING.....HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!
Posted by erozin
I am considering sending invites with no names to her guests and sending my guest's invites with my parents as hosts (she doesn't know any of my guests and would never know). My FH is totally on my side and agrees my parents should be on it because they are doing it all. He also is all for my little scheme of two different invites.
thats what I am forced to do....my middle name is on the invites going to my side, and no middle name to FHs side....its sad your FMIL is adding more stress to an already stressful time- just remember its all about you and FH!! Its YOUR DAY!!!
adelya21
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Re: HUGE DILEMA AND FIGHT WITH FUTURE MIL OVER INVITATION WORDING.....HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!
I Love the idea of the 2 invites. In all honesty, your parents are paying-- bottom line-- and they should be included as hosts!!! I dislike this woman lol
Posted by erozin
He tried to talk to his grandma (MIL's mom) but she did the same thing his mom did...his dad is not in the picture so can't talk to him about it...I am considering sending invites with no names to her guests and sending my guest's invites with my parents as hosts (she doesn't know any of my guests and would never know). My FH is totally on my side and agrees my parents should be on it because they are doing it all. He also is all for my little scheme of two different invites. I further could toast my parents at the wedding and thank them for throwing such a great event.
Thats-What-She-Said
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Re: HUGE DILEMA AND FIGHT WITH FUTURE MIL OVER INVITATION WORDING.....HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!
Posted by anszusterman
Posted by erozin
I am considering sending invites with no names to her guests and sending my guest's invites with my parents as hosts (she doesn't know any of my guests and would never know). My FH is totally on my side and agrees my parents should be on it because they are doing it all. He also is all for my little scheme of two different invites.
thats what I am forced to do....my middle name is on the invites going to my side, and no middle name to FHs side....its sad your FMIL is adding more stress to an already stressful time- just remember its all about you and FH!! Its YOUR DAY!!!
I'm curious about the middle name thing.
FutureWifey
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Re: HUGE DILEMA AND FIGHT WITH FUTURE MIL OVER INVITATION WORDING.....HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!
Isn't it proper etiquette to say..
Mr. and Mrs _____ invite you to the wedding of their daughter, _______ to _______, son of Mr/Mrs_______
I mean... really, it's not her wedding and she shouldn't be stressing you about wording. She's making it about her, but it's not. Her day is in the past... this is for you and your future husband. Honestly, I think you should put your foot down now.. otherwise you'll compromise the rest of your life.
FutureWifey
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Re: HUGE DILEMA AND FIGHT WITH FUTURE MIL OVER INVITATION WORDING.....HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!
Posted by Thats-What-She-Said
Ohhhh I feel your pain. Not with this exact thing ( i completely avoided it by just doing the invitations and showing them to MIL once they were already done.
Honestly at this point, freeze her out. Just don't talk to her about wedding stuff anymore. Tell her it's all done already and just avoid it.
And if you really want to get under her skin you could do a public thank you to your parents at the reception. Haha but I'm a biatch like that.
I LOVE it! ... but it has to be heartfelt. Like crying and all 'we thank you for everything. We could never do any of this without you.' (really.. you mean it, so why not say it?)
stinenandy2010
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Re: HUGE DILEMA AND FIGHT WITH FUTURE MIL OVER INVITATION WORDING.....HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!
We had the same exact situation. In the end, we just put my parents name on the invites. My in-laws did not contribute and therefore we did not think it was approriate. My parents said they would have been offended if we put both names on the invites and I can understand their side.
In the end my MIL did not show up to the wedding, along with her other stupid reasons. Do what you want and what is approriate. This is your wedding and sometimes you just have to do what makes you happy. If someone doesn't show up because of an invite then that's their loss.
VCanizalez
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Re: HUGE DILEMA AND FIGHT WITH FUTURE MIL OVER INVITATION WORDING.....HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!
Wow....
That sounds like me!!!! hhahahahah
But knowing myself... OH WELL!!1 THIS IS HOW I WANT IT BECAUSE THIS IS MY WEDDING NOT URS! THE INVITE WILL SAY MR. & MRS. _____ INVITE YOU TO.....
HOW DARE HER TO SAY ***** LIKE THAT! i cant stand when FMIL get into this shiiit!!!
My paretns are paying for almost 60-65% of the wedding... They WILL be on the invitation.. My FMIL is nto giving $.01... so SHE WILL NOT BE IN IT....
Sorry chica.... I feel bad for u... but talk to ur fh... and since i also have problems with fmil, i undefrstand where u coming from... but still, i will not put her in the invitation...
ETA: IF she doesnt come to HIS SON's WEDDING, then that will show you what kind of mother she is
VCanizalez
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Re: HUGE DILEMA AND FIGHT WITH FUTURE MIL OVER INVITATION WORDING.....HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!
Posted by stinenandy2010
We had the same exact situation. In the end, we just put my parents name on the invites. My in-laws did not contribute and therefore we did not think it was approriate. My parents said they would have been offended if we put both names on the invites and I can understand their side.
In the end my MIL did not show up to the wedding, along with her other stupid reasons. Do what you want and what is approriate. This is your wedding and sometimes you just have to do what makes you happy. If someone doesn't show up because of an invite then that's their loss.
ITA^
Wow chica i cant believe she didnt show up... But YOU STILL HAD A GREAT TIME
Moonmist09
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Re: HUGE DILEMA AND FIGHT WITH FUTURE MIL OVER INVITATION WORDING.....HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!
ok, this is very reminiscent of when iwas engaged once before and i had to deal with my effin crazy ex-FMIL.
she refused to have my parents names on the invites because. why? because she just didn't feel like it. I wanted to word it like this: mr & mrs ... request the honor of your presence at the wedding on A to P son of mr & mrs ,,,,
it caused such a scene! just like your FMIL, her name is still being mentioned inthe invite, so i don't see why she i having a canary over it, prob because her name is not up at the top and it shows that she is not hosting it.
I can say that my ex and i decided to get 2 invites. one doen the way i wnated and one set down the way his mother wanted. it turned into a catasrophe. they double charged us for the invites because it was like you were placing two orders for the invites since we needed them typed up differently and some people got the wrong invite by mistake - and it was just a mess. (needless to say, we never got married) out of principal alone, i would just do one invite and word it the way you want to. my parents were trying to be nice last time and told me they didn't care what the invite said b/c my ex FMIL was giving me such a hard time but i know that deep down, it must have bothered them and they just didn't say anything. i wouldn't presume to know what your parents are thinking, but think of it this way, your parents are obviously going above and beyond what they could do and are throwing you an amazing wedding and givng you a house on top of that! who cares if they keep the gifts! you don't have the stress of paying for the wedding and you will have a home of your own to live in afterwards! that alone would make me word the invite the way i originally had planned. your FMIL make be a lot of talk and say she won't come, but if she is already bragging to everyone on her side if that family about how much this costs and all this other nonsense, how would she explain not going all of a sudden. she prob said it in the heat of the moment and will come no matter what. either way, inthe end, people make their own decisions and she can't tell anyone to NOT go from her family, b/c those guests will do what they want anyway. oh, and 150% i would toast my parents first and thank them for all they have done at the wedding.
