HUMP DAY HA-HA's 12/29/10

expect a lot.. haven't done them since 12/23/10














Lookie what Santa brought Wedinator this year! Five naked, hairy, grown men’s asses! I haven’t known what to do with this groomsmen picture for months, but then it hit me: Christmas post! Makes perfect sense, amirite? (Don’t answer that.) Seriously, though *** is up with these mooning groomsmen pictures? I don’t see the appeal. I just see hairy asscracks.

What can I say? This bride has charmed me with her little secret. Who wouldn’t want to rip off that garter with his teeth? Neon blue fishnets are dead sexay.

Question: What’s the quickest way to ruin a wedding cake??! Answer: Taxidermied cake toppers. They’re not friendly, they’re not delicious, and they should not be wearing those clothes. FACT.
She’s got a bit of a Paula Deen look on her face. Like she’s ready to pop a stick of butter in the microwave, pour it over top of her tiny groom, and chow down with a tall glass of milk. I wish him all the luck in the world.


Something about the bridesmaid on the right’s crumbling face cracks me up. She looks like she will be utterly destroyed if she doesn’t catch her bouquet before it hits the ground. You can almost hear her tragic calls. And the bridesmaid on the left looks as though someone just told her that her bouquet is made of explosives. If everyone else in this photo had a face as expressive as theirs, I think this could be one of my all-time favorite bridesmaids pictures. The silos in the background are a special touch.
































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Just because the white stuff on your desk looks like frosting from the cookie you were just eating, doesn't mean it is the frosting you were just eating. It could just be a clump of your deodorant & it WILL taste nasty & it WILL leave an after-taste. #LFMF
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When you had a pretty serious car crash and you climb out of the wreck completely unharmed, make sure you don't slip on the icy road and break your arm. Cause the Police and the Medics will laugh at you. #LFMF
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“When my father got remarried after my parent’s divorce, my mother went through the family albums and cut him out of all of the family photos. Using scissors became too labor intensive, so she switched to white-out.”

























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the end, i dont think there's enough time for TFLN, but MAYBE FMLs.

I swear the iPhone's auto correct was specifically programmed to make each text as dirty as possible! I missed these.

Today, the horn in my car decided to malfunction. It honked continuously for an hour as I drove down the highway. FML
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Today, I used the restrooms at the shopping mall. The cleaning lady stepped in after me, immediately turned around and very demonstratively started spraying air freshener. FML
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Today, my family and I took our annual family photo in front of the Christmas tree. My daughter had been watching 'The Doctors' and we forgot to turn the television off, which could be seen in the family photo. Too bad when we took the photo, a picture of a giant vagina was on our flat screen. FML
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Today, I had my apartment professionally cleaned for my Christmas party. I found out my carpet is actually tan, not dark brown like I'd originally thought. I've lived here for almost a year. FML
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Today, while socialising after a church service, I discovered I'm still referred to as 'Fireshit's brother', after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming, 'The devil is coming out of my anus!' from the lavatory. FML
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Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML
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Today, my husband yawned in the middle of our wedding vows. FML
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Today, I found out apparently I sleep walk. My boyfriend has been filming me and uploading it all to Youtube. FML
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Today, I was in a very crowded train coming home from work. I saw a cute guy sitting across from me. As I lifted my one leg to hook it over my other leg, I let out a loud fart. All I could do was sit there and wait for my stop. FML
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Today, I was on a crowded bus on the way back from my boyfriend's when I suddenly had a terrible nose bleed. I had no tissues, so instead I had to use last night's underwear from my bag. FML
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Today, I was explaining our new hand-crafted ale to a customer. After describing some flavors, I added that he could really taste the nut on his palate. He then looked at me and said, 'I don't think I really want to know what nut tastes like on my palate, but thanks.' FML
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Today, I realized that I'll have to explain to my child that mommy and daddy met on World of Warcraft. FML
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OMG... the autocorrects were so funny..
between the Househunting one... and the expired spaceships... I'm in tears!..