I am 100% regretting the decision to have a big wedding...

I am 100% regretting the decision to have a big wedding...

JT and I want to cancel our expensive wedding. We want to get married at the church and have a small, inexpensive reception. I hate that I am spending thousands of dollars on stupid flowers, and thousands on a stupid honeymoon, and a RIDICULOUS amount for our hall. My parents gave us a very generous gift of money to put towards the wedding, well, to PAY for the wedding, and now, that amount doesn't even cover our guests at our hall, let alone everything else. I want a house. I want to know that after this ONE DAY I have a place to live and raise my family, but now, who the hell knows when I'll be able to do that? I hate this wedding already. It will be the BIGGEST waste of my money and there's nothing I can do about it because we already have paid thousands of dollars and will lose it if we cancel for something smaller I am just really upset. I just want to know I can live somewhere that is mine, and now I can't. I can't even really cut back any more because we have already cut out so many things that if we cut out anymore, people will notice we have this big, expensive hall with cheesey vendors and what not I'm just so sick over this.

Re: I am 100% regretting the decision to have a big wedding...

Re: I am 100% regretting the decision to have a big wedding...

don't be so sad, you will get through it. you still have alot of time to try and save.

Re: I am 100% regretting the decision to have a big wedding...

i think you shouldnt cancel the hall but cut corners on everything else


your gown can be as low as 200 if you buy online

cut out flowers on tables and just use pillar candles

hire a dj to just play music

put out cameras on the tables



we will help you feel better and come up with some ideas on how to cut costs --- it will all work out

Re: I am 100% regretting the decision to have a big wedding...

Sometimes I feel the same way you do but it is too late unless you want to lose all the money you already put out. Think about it this way, you regret the decision now but there must have been some reason that you and your FH decided to start planning it as a big wedding in the first place. Try and think back to those feelings and just think - theres not much time left and then you can concentrate on the rest of your life. THere is plenty of time for a house.

Re: I am 100% regretting the decision to have a big wedding...

FH and I argue about this all the time. i wanted a small wedding, even a vegas wedding, but he believes this is the way it's supposed to be. I am so jealous of all our friends who are our age and married with houses. We have started talking about kids and he even brought up a honeymoon baby, but it cant happen, we live in my parents basement, with no window. I am hoping to get enough money form the wedding to put a down payment on a house. Even if it is a POS. FH is a handyman and well work togeteher to fix it hope.(when the time comes). Cheer up and know that you are not the only one that feels this way.

Re: I am 100% regretting the decision to have a big wedding...

I am feeling so sad now !!! I also had to cut corners everywhere we are just having 75 guests and that is family only a few are friends. Why don't you talk to the banquet mgr tell him if you can accomodate a smaller reception, do not go to an expensive place for the honeymoon, make alot of your things, invitations, florist, menu's. I do understand the pressure you are all having your own home, my kids are still young but believe me we are worried sick on how our kids are going to manage a house in their future.

Re: I am 100% regretting the decision to have a big wedding...

Call Ben and see if you can change it to the cocktail reception and/or change the date to an 'off' month....I know what you mean though - I sometimes regret spending so much on one day.

Re: I am 100% regretting the decision to have a big wedding...

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Posted by prncssrachel

JT and I want to cancel our expensive wedding. We want to get married at the church and have a small, inexpensive reception. I hate that I am spending thousands of dollars on stupid flowers, and thousands on a stupid honeymoon, and a RIDICULOUS amount for our hall. My parents gave us a very generous gift of money to put towards the wedding, well, to PAY for the wedding, and now, that amount doesn't even cover our guests at our hall, let alone everything else. I want a house. I want to know that after this ONE DAY I have a place to live and raise my family, but now, who the hell knows when I'll be able to do that? I hate this wedding already. It will be the BIGGEST waste of my money and there's nothing I can do about it because we already have paid thousands of dollars and will lose it if we cancel for something smaller I am just really upset. I just want to know I can live somewhere that is mine, and now I can't. I can't even really cut back any more because we have already cut out so many things that if we cut out anymore, people will notice we have this big, expensive hall with cheesey vendors and what not I'm just so sick over this.

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I think about this daily I wanta 'proper wedding' as FI calls it but spending $15K - $20K or more for one day is just hard for me to swallow.

I may now have to pay off a student loan that I was dumb enough to cosign for a fromer friend in 2001. That's another $15K gone for a degree I don't even have.

We want a house but both currently have our separate apartments. At this rate, we may not buy a house for a few years - which means no kids since we would both live in my one bedroom apartment.

If you don't want the big wedding.....cancel it and give the hall enough time to get it rebooked. Maybe a bride on this site would take your hall for full price since it is not la ast minute cancellation?

Re: I am 100% regretting the decision to have a big wedding...

Thanks for all the support girls.
I find it nuts that we tried SO hard to scale down on vendors and what not, and STILL they are coming to add up to what a normal wedding should cost. We hired a freelance photojournalist for pictures, bargained with the video guy, got a DJ instead of a band, picked a cheap honeymoon, etc. I really don't think there's much else we can do to cut back

backinnewyork: I thought about cutting our reception back to the coctail party, but it's such a small difference in price, we don't know if it's even worth it. I think it saved us like 1000 bucks. But thanks for the suggestion


I don't know. I had a long talk with my parents about how I am feeling and they said that they had the same decision to make when they got married, take the money from my grandparents for a house, or have a big wedding. They chose the wedding. They said they were dirt poor for the next four years while they tried to get a house, but that I shouldn't feel like that will happen to us because JT and I have careers and they were no where near where we are in life when they got married. I guess the worst case scenario is we don't buy a house until a year after our wedding, but after moving six times in the last two years, I really just want my own home to settle down in.

Thanks again for all the support, it really means a lot to me

Re: I am 100% regretting the decision to have a big wedding...

Often I feel like that, wishing we just eloped. Even my mother said that she wishes I did that

Its hard, my FI and I always fight about this. We are both working, for two years, solely for the wedding. And than, after the wedding, we will have nothing, and have to start again.
Its hard to say now what is the best route. I have some friends who chose to buy a house, and not have a wedding, and now regret it. And than, there are people like me. The way I look at it, I may regreat it now, in the planning phase, and maybe even in short term, but than, once time passes, and we'll save up for the house, and everything will work out, I know that I will be glad that I chose to have the wedding that I wanted -- even though its already not what I wanted since we had to cutt down so much! Even our salaries of two years can't cover the wedding I want!

Re: I am 100% regretting the decision to have a big wedding...

well you can cancel the wedding and lose the money but NOT spend anything more on what you feel is wasteful, or make it A LOT smaller, maybe just change the venue and have a much smaller reception, or go ahead with it, and just stay within budget. in any case, i can relate to feeling overwhelmed and overspent.

Re: I am 100% regretting the decision to have a big wedding...

Rachel....I am really feeling what you are saying right now too. I have considered going 'low key' or lower than what we have now....it is sooooooo hard. What if you cancel the big honeymoon and just do a three day get-a-away in like Martha's Vineyard or something and put the $ you would have spent towards the house. This is what Michael & I are considering. I wanna house so much, more than I want the wedding.


FM me if you wanna talk....and just hang in there. It all works out (I hate it when people say that)!!!!!!!!!!!!


-Paige

Re: I am 100% regretting the decision to have a big wedding...

I know how you feel!
are you totally against changing your date?? also why dont you put your honeymoon off for awhile? We are bery broke right now and probably wont ever have one.. but we decided that if after the wedding we get enough gifts and we continue the save the way we are now.. a few months to a year after we will take our hm. Theres no rule of when you have to go.. and it will take some of the stress off of you of having to come up with all the wedding money and honeymoon money all at once.

Re: I am 100% regretting the decision to have a big wedding...

I'm right there with ya. FH does not want a large wedding and I want to have the big party. Fortunately we haven't spent much on vendors (just one down payment of 1000) so if we cancel we won't lose that much. That's one of the reasons I've been procrastinating so much when it comes to booking the vendors. We are leaning heavily towards a small park wedding and dinner party afterwards for a small group of family & friends. It doesn't make sense to me to spend all this money on one day when either way, we'll be together.

Re: I am 100% regretting the decision to have a big wedding...

Thanks for sharing ladies. I cannot change my date because my sister is getting married in April and I have someone getting married in just about every other month of 2005. I refuse to wait another year because we've already been engaged two years. And to be honest, it wouldn't save us enough money. I guess I am not concerned about cutting the small corners at this point because I'm more upset that I didn't take the entire amount my parents gave us to use as a down payment on a home, then had a smaller wedding that JT and I paid for ourselves. We're only going to take a five day honeymoon, and although we had already planned to go to Mexico to save money, we may even change it to somewhere more local to save even more money. For us to save a thousand or two dollars is not really going to even help. You can't pay closing costs or a down payment with 1-2K, you know what I mean? So I guess we'll see what happens. I think I am also feeling overwhelmed now that it's actually coming. I mean, I have not even stressed one ounce about this wedding until recently, so maybe I am just overreacting, but I really want a house Hell, I'd take a freaking cardboard box with a window at this point!

So everyone else hang in there, too. I appreciate everyone sharing their own situations. I'm sorry to say, but I'm glad I'm not the only one

Re: I am 100% regretting the decision to have a big wedding...

weddings have ways of developing minds of their own!!!! we started out saying we want a small small wedding....it's still small by certain standards i guess, but sometimes not originally how i pictured it would be.

what i try and keep in mind when it upsets me is that what is important is all the people we love be there. and they will be, so in the end i'm sure it'll be worth it!

as they say...you only get married once right?

Re: I am 100% regretting the decision to have a big wedding...

we wanted a small wedding.. we actually just wanted to get married in vegas and then have a reception/party when we got back.. but my mom convinced us that we had to get married by a rabbi and had to have this that and the other thing. vegas would have cost less then a grand and now we're spending over 20! it's crazy. i dont get how weddings can even get that expensive.

i know this probably didn't help very much i hope you feel better

Re: I am 100% regretting the decision to have a big wedding...

I too understand what you're going through.

My parents gave us 1/2 the money for our wedding and we've been saving to come up w/ the other 1/2. Our original plan was to wait until after the wedding (when we have some $) to put down on a house. Wouldn't you know we found a great house for a great price that we just can't pass up. So now we're in up to our necks. We used all the money we'd been saving for our wedding on the downpayment, and now have to somehow come up w/ our 1/2 of the wedding money. Its so scary! I'm not sleeping very good, but FH keeps reassuring me it'll work out.

The kicker is that I'd love to cut costs on the rest of the wedding stuff, but FH insists that we've come this far so why cut $500 here and there when it will only add up to a couple of thousand. So I understand where you're at there too.

I guess we all just have to hang in there and struggle for a while. My parents struggled in the beginning and so did FH's, so I guess we'll have to also!

Best of luck to you in whatever you decide.

Re: I am 100% regretting the decision to have a big wedding...

I am sure on that day you will love every minute of it and it will be worth it.