I am on the verge of running LONG VENT!

I cannot take this anymore. I am ready to get in my car and just leave. My husband and my 16 year old brother just had a major fight that almost turned into a fist fight.

They were both WRONG! But my mom wont hear anything. She told us to move out of the house (we rent from her, she lives somewhere else). She told me that I only stick for him which is a total lie. I saw where they were both wrong. And I told them both and my mom is screaming at me and him.

Im 27 and I cant do this anymore. I am shaking with anger and hurt. I am stuck in the middle and its never seen exactly what I do for them.

I am a daughter, a sister and a wife. I dont know what else to be or how to be any better. I stick for my husband, my family hates me..I stick for my brother, my husband winds up telling me he is going to leave. I am fed up.

I was going to post this under an anonymous name but I figured why?? I am not embarrassed by any experiences in my life and this is just another. So right now I am crying, shaking, my mom is here screaming, I yelled back for the first time in almost a year, my husband is trying to keep his cool and my brother is home wanting to rip off my husbands head...I just cannot do this anymore..and I feel like I have no options...

My mom is so fragile now so I cant even defend myself. She said just before..go off and Mr and Mrs XXX and leave us alone cause that seems like what you want. How can she say that to us after everything?!?!

I am at my wits end!!!!!!!!!

Noreen

Take a walk. Its beautiful out. Take a little walk (or a little drive) to get some fresh air and think out the whole situation.
Youre not wrong for telling them what you felt. Someone will always be unhappy in a fight or argument.
You always give it your ALL and do your best to not make anyone unhappy.

Dont continue screaming and stress yourself out any more...

Big hugs sweetie!

oh Noreen!

I''m so sorry you''re going through this! What could they possibly have been fighting over to have it escalate to this?

Its wrong of your mom to use the house like that. She should know better. But maybe its better in the long run that you find your own place so you don''t feel obligated to her.

And its SO wrong that they put you in the middle! Can you talk to them all about the situation when things calm down?

So sorry you are dealing with this.... give yourself some time to blow off some steam and then come back to it.

We are here for you if you need to vent--

Oh Anna..I cant do this. I feel like I have no more strength left in me.

This is how bad it is..if I were to leave, she would never forgive me, saying I was leaving because I hated her. I cant even leave.

I just am fed up.

Thats the thing too...they think that I already do take care of myself. They think that because on Saturdays I stay home and clean that that is taking care of myself.

I dont even know how to start making it be about 'Noreen'

Im just so tired.

Noreen I''m sorry to hear all this, sweetie

Your family is playing you like a puppet on a string. Please, do not let them take away your happiness or let them sabotage your energy for life. You are a newlywed, and you and your DH should be living for YOUR future - not everyone else''s. I understand your Mom is going through a very difficult time right now, but you do not have to live in that house to be her support system. In fact, from what you describe above, it sounds like it just might be healthier for ALL of you if you and DH move to a place of your own.

Just know that we are here for you to vent when you need to!

She puts moving and leaving her all alone in the same sentence all the time. Something like this..'''Go and move no one is telling you to stay here but then Ill know that you guys wanna live only for yourselves.'

Is that fair?!?!?!

I would never leave them..especially her. I treat my brother likes he my son and she says that I dont..I always have.

I wanna get in my car and drive far away from everything!!!!!!!!!

Noreen, your Mom is giving you a guilt trip, and you are allowing it. Right now (when things are raw and heated) is NOT the right time to discuss this, but maybe one night next week, you should sit down with your Mom and tell her HOW MUCH you love her, but HOW MUCH you NEED to move and make a home for yourself and your husband.

I totally understand the desire to care for your family and want to protect them...I am a big sucker for my family, too...but, you are married now and you took a vow to put your husband and your lives together before all others.

I know you will be your Mom''s rock through the challenges she is facing. But, you need space to breathe and live your life, too....

I hope things work out for you...its not fair that everyone is putting you in the middle.

I know what you mean. Its really hard not to get caught between a rock and a hard place with all the relationships we are in and all the roles that we play. Just let the men in your life 'cool out' and everything will be ok

I am so Sorry!!!

I truly feel that I cannot even have a normal marriage. I see no end in this at all. I see no answers...no light.

I feel bad and sometimes even think maybe I am ruining my husbands life and that he deserves better.

I can relate to your feeling regarding your mother. I was 24 years old when I finally got all my strength to leave home. My parents when into 'Morning' my mother wore black clothes for a year. She would tell me how sad and depressed my father was over me moving out. Our friends and family never new or were told I had moved out, they pretended I still lived there. Mind you, I am an only child and their 'Life Line'. But, sometimes you need to put your 'Sanity' first, and that is not being selfish. If you are trully happy with you husband, that the best thing to do is move. Even if it''s into a studio. Regardless, you need to find peace of mind for yourself, even if your were not married, you are the daughter and not your brothers mother. I understand she depends on you, as both my parents did with me. However, I moved out, and anytime they called me and needed me to be there, I was. With time it got easier. I hope this help

Noreen . First of all please don''t drive away. You are upset driving is not a good idea. Second, you need to take a breath sweetie. You are a wonderful and loving daughter and unfortunately your mom is taking advantage of that, whether knowingly or not, by making you feel guilty. Third...I strongly suggest that you get yourself to a counselor, therapist or clergy person ASAP! You are drowning and no one is throwing you a life line so you need to help yourself! You are being split into a million pieces and that is so unfair to you!!!

There are emergency numbers that you can call and if you have some sort of employee assistance program, take advantage of their emergency number please! I know what you are going through(been there done that) and I can tell you that talking to someone will help.

We are all here for you, but I think a pro might help you more right now.

Just to show you how stubborn she can be..

An hour has gone by, I spoke to my sister and I was crying. She hasnt called or come back. She hasnt said sorry for going a little too crazy..nothing.

I could never leave her alone knowing she was hurt and upset without calling her. I dont get it.

It sounds like you need to gather all your strength, and gove her
'Tough Love', in other words, she knows excatly which buttons to push with you. You may need to consider the fact, that in a unconcious way, she is causing problems between you and your husband... Which you may want to really give this some thought, because sooner or later, one day, she is going to ask you to choose between her or your husband. You need to make that choice soon, before it is too late. Worse yet, you husband may ask you to make a choice. Before it comes to that, you need to decide for yourself. And the decision should not be who you love more, or who needs you more, the decision. Picture your self a year from now, with you husband, and with out him, then decide in which situation you will be happiest. Truly, it is not fair to him. Did you have these issues before you were married or after? But in all this, you really should move out and give you and your husband a chance at your relationship.....

I know how much family means to you. And how much you are worried about all of them. But, I think they are taking that for granted. I think you & Anthony need some alone time. (They seem to be over alot) Tell them your busy. Your about to have your 1 year anniversary make it about you & him. Definatley talk to your Mother when it''s just the 2 of you. (no need to have comments from the 'peanut gallery') She is going to have to understand that she cant keep doing this to you. You are a wife now. This can''t keep going on! It''s just unhealthy!!

I''m sorry that you''re so upset !!!!! I hope you can talk to your family and husband and make them realize both are trying to guilt you into something (him saying he''ll leave you if you side with family? that''s not right) and your mom for saying just go off and have your married life...you can''t be her little girl forever. You''re her daughter forever but you''re a grown woman now.


I hope things calm down and that you''re able to work through all this!