I am really trying not to get upset about this right now - VENT LONG LONG LONG SORRY

thought maybe I could come here for some more support so i don't continue to feel like sh!t that this is happening.....sorry so long!

I have 4 BM's and 2 FG's. One FG is my Goddaughter - her mother is one of my BM's and best friends. FH and I decided to have an adults only reception and I explained this to my BM about 6+ months ago and told her then to ask someone to pick up FG before the reception. I revisted the topic again last month w/ her, i.e. did you find anyone to pick up FG after the Cocktail Hour? she had no idea what I was talking about and was 'surprised' about this. So I told her our wishes again.

Fast forward to today. BM calls me and tells me 'sorry I can' t find anyone to watch FG the day of you wedding. Everyone we know is going away. So either I can send her upstate w/ my brother and his family or I can leave at the reception' Disgusted; I hung up with her but asked a girl I worked w/ (a trustworthy person) if she would mind watching my FG after the ceremony and she was up for it. I call my BM back and let her know the info and she says 'great' and takes the info.

Fast Forward to tonight. BM calls me while I'm making dinner. FH picks it up and talks to her on speakerphone. BM then proceeds to tell FH that 'FG (shes 5) decided she doesn't want to be in the wedding'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ***?!!!?!!! FH is like 'she's 5; she has no choice' and BM goes on and on about how that is not how she's raising her child.

UGHUGHUGH I hate drama and can't believe that my friend is acting in this way all because I don't want kids at my reception. It has nothing to do w/ anyone's kids, its our wishes and thats it END OF STORY! I called my BM back and told her 'sorry we are going to miss FG at our wedding' but then went on about how I was upset and disappointed I am. FH thought I shouldn't have told her how upset I am and just left it to sorry we'll miss her....GRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Again, apologies for the length of this. I really need to vent. Thanks girls.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. Here are some hugs !

OMG Some people are unbelievable. I'm so sorry you're going through this! She is being RIDICULOUS!

hey sorry your BM is being so difficult! we are also having adult only (minus FH sisters, but they are teens) we are having the FG and RB come to the dinner....they are both under 5 yrs old so someone will come and get them once the dinner is done, not sure if this is an option to keep some peace?
in the end it should be your wish though, its your big day and you dont get to do it again.

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Posted by Ericab1980

You sure an exception can't be made for the FG's? I've been to a few Adult only receptions but the FG's & RB where always present..

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Believe me, FH and I have considered this as well however, FH's neice is the other FG. FSIL has 2 kids and one (the 2 y.o) is not in our wedding party so if we invited the FG then FSIL has to bring the 2 y.o. Hence why we made the decision we did to not have kids at all at our reception - We don't want to deal with 20+ kids OR the bs that goes along w/ inviting some but not others.

I have been to a few weddings where the FG's and RB's leave at the reception and didn't think it was going to be that big of a deal for us. Unfortunately, I am regretting having FG's at all at this point

it is just my opinnion, but I would have made an exception for the children who are in the wedding party to also be included in the reception.
As much as it is your wedding, sometimes we have to make some minor changes to get a perfect day.
I am only sorry that one of your FG won't be there.

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Posted by PurpleGrl156

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Posted by Ericab1980

You sure an exception can't be made for the FG's? I've been to a few Adult only receptions but the FG's & RB where always present..

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Believe me, FH and I have considered this as well however, FH's neice is the other FG. FSIL has 2 kids and one (the 2 y.o) is not in our wedding party so if we invited the FG then FSIL has to bring the 2 y.o. Hence why we made the decision we did to not have kids at all at our reception - We don't want to deal with 20+ kids OR the bs that goes along w/ inviting some but not others.

I have been to a few weddings where the FG's and RB's leave at the reception and didn't think it was going to be that big of a deal for us. Unfortunately, I am regretting having FG's at all at this point

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I was going to suggest that maybe you can let the FG's go to the reception since they are in the wedding, but it seems like that's not an option for you.

That's very childish of your BM though and I am so sorry.

We do not want any kids either, but we are letting our FG attend and have made it very clear to everyone that the only reason why she is attending is because she is in the bridal party. Otherwise, no other kids there.

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Posted by stoebe07

it is just my opinnion, but I would have made an exception for the children who are in the wedding party to also be included in the reception.
As much as it is your wedding, sometimes we have to make some minor changes to get a perfect day.
I am only sorry that one of your FG won't be there.

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I know. I know. Us too - we would have made that exception for our FG's but the other FG has another sibling (a 2 y.o) if we have him there than 'so and so' is going to be pissed that they couldn't bring their kids and on and on and on. I have to stand my ground and I am not happy about this at all.

I feel bad because its upsetting both FG's Mothers - my friend and FSIL because of our choice not to have kids at the reception. Its really upsetting to me because I want me, my FH and my friends and I to have a good time drinking, dancing etc without having to worry about kids for the duration of the reception. I feel like a big meenie right now for being such a harda$$ about the issue. I am a people-pleaser at heart <3.

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Posted by PurpleGrl156

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Posted by stoebe07

it is just my opinnion, but I would have made an exception for the children who are in the wedding party to also be included in the reception.
As much as it is your wedding, sometimes we have to make some minor changes to get a perfect day.
I am only sorry that one of your FG won't be there.

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I know. I know. Us too - we would have made that exception for our FG's but the other FG has another sibling (a 2 y.o) if we have him there than 'so and so' is going to be pissed that they couldn't bring their kids and on and on and on. I have to stand my ground and I am not happy about this at all.

I feel bad because its upsetting both FG's Mothers - my friend and FSIL because of our choice not to have kids at the reception. Its really upsetting to me because I want me, my FH and my friends and I to have a good time drinking, dancing etc without having to worry about kids for the duration of the reception. I feel like a big meenie right now for being such a harda$$ about the issue. I am a people-pleaser at heart <3.

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It will all work out in the end, it may not seem so today, but maybe it will change tomorrow. Just keep your head up :)

I'm sorry you're going through this and that your BM is acting this way. I don't really have any other advice, but can offer some hugs. I hope it all works out!

I don't really understand this. Why were you disgusted that your friend couldn't find someone to watch her daughter during the reception? Do you think she was lying because she wanted you to give in and allow the little girl to come to the reception? And why are you so upset that the child says she doesn't want to be in the wedding anymore? Do you think her mother put her up to it? Which of course is very possible.

Keep in mind that it is indeed your decision, and your wedding, and, yes, that's the end of the story. However, if your guests don't like your decisions, they can decline your invitation. You could insist that everyone come in chicken costumes, but you're not going to get a lot of guests that way. And if you don't wish to invite your flowergirl to your reception, that's fine, but your flowergirl might take it personally and want to stay home. She's five, she's not a baby, and not a doll. She does have a choice. Five-year-olds have some pretty strong opinions, in fact.

These stories make me so happy that I don't have any kids to invite or not invite to my wedding. Just my three nephews, and I would not want to have a reception without them there...

So sorry y ou are going through this!

UGH! Gotta LOVE drama, hey

Sorry this is happening......... but I have to say that I can see where BOTH you and your BM are coming from. I think if I were in her shoes, I would be a bit upset with the situation. Did she handle it wrong?? Probably.......

I hope you both can work this out. You still have over two months until your wedding......I'm sure if you both take the energy you're putting towards being mad at the situation, you'll be able to direct that energry in finding a compromise with each other and sitaution........

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Posted by Pencils

I don't really understand this. Why were you disgusted that your friend couldn't find someone to watch her daughter during the reception? Do you think she was lying because she wanted you to give in and allow the little girl to come to the reception? And why are you so upset that the child says she doesn't want to be in the wedding anymore? Do you think her mother put her up to it? Which of course is very possible.

Keep in mind that it is indeed your decision, and your wedding, and, yes, that's the end of the story. However, if your guests don't like your decisions, they can decline your invitation. You could insist that everyone come in chicken costumes, but you're not going to get a lot of guests that way. And if you don't wish to invite your flowergirl to your reception, that's fine, but your flowergirl might take it personally and want to stay home. She's five, she's not a baby, and not a doll. She does have a choice. Five-year-olds have some pretty strong opinions, in fact.

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I am sorry if I offended you with my decision but feel that I shouldn't have to defend myself here; I stated what I needed to state - you may interpret it anyway you want to. Love your chicken costume analogy...maybe I'll use it since I have too many too invite as it is - THANKS

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Posted by billandme

UGH! Gotta LOVE drama, hey

Sorry this is happening......... but I have to say that I can see where BOTH you and your BM are coming from. I think if I were in her shoes, I would be a bit upset with the situation. Did she handle it wrong?? Probably.......

I hope you both can work this out. You still have over two months until your wedding......I'm sure if you both take the energy you're putting towards being mad at the situation, you'll be able to direct that energry in finding a compromise with each other and sitaution........

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I'm working towards getting through this; I'm not a hater nor do I want to lose my friend, or her to be upset with decision I've made to not have children at our reception. If this is what she has decided so be it, it is her child. Sometimes it just helps to vent when things get crazy, so I appreciate your support, understand and kind words!

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Posted by PurpleGrl156

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Posted by billandme

UGH! Gotta LOVE drama, hey

Sorry this is happening......... but I have to say that I can see where BOTH you and your BM are coming from. I think if I were in her shoes, I would be a bit upset with the situation. Did she handle it wrong?? Probably.......

I hope you both can work this out. You still have over two months until your wedding......I'm sure if you both take the energy you're putting towards being mad at the situation, you'll be able to direct that energry in finding a compromise with each other and sitaution........

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I'm working towards getting through this; I'm not a hater nor do I want to lose my friend, or her to be upset with decision I've made to not have children at our reception. If this is what she has decided so be it, it is her child. Sometimes it just helps to vent when things get crazy, so I appreciate your support, understand and kind words!

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No problem! That's what we're all here for......to help and support each other

am sorry if I offended you with my decision but feel that I shouldn't have to defend myself here; I stated what I needed to state - you may interpret it anyway you want to.

You didn't offend me--why would I be offended? I don't know you, and I don't care what happens at your wedding. I just don't understand why you were 'disgusted' that she couldn't find a babysitter, and why you're so upset about the situation. It's not even as if you now don't have a flowergirl, you still have another. So one five-year-old isn't attending your wedding. Why is that such a huge deal?