I am really trying not to get upset about this right now - VENT LONG LONG LONG SORRY
Original post by PurpleGrl156
thought maybe I could come here for some more support so i don't continue to feel like sh!t that this is happening.....sorry so long!
I have 4 BM's and 2 FG's. One FG is my Goddaughter - her mother is one of my BM's and best friends. FH and I decided to have an adults only reception and I explained this to my BM about 6+ months ago and told her then to ask someone to pick up FG before the reception. I revisted the topic again last month w/ her, i.e. did you find anyone to pick up FG after the Cocktail Hour? she had no idea what I was talking about and was 'surprised' about this. So I told her our wishes again.
Fast forward to today. BM calls me and tells me 'sorry I can' t find anyone to watch FG the day of you wedding. Everyone we know is going away. So either I can send her upstate w/ my brother and his family or I can leave at the reception' Disgusted; I hung up with her but asked a girl I worked w/ (a trustworthy person) if she would mind watching my FG after the ceremony and she was up for it. I call my BM back and let her know the info and she says 'great' and takes the info.
Fast Forward to tonight. BM calls me while I'm making dinner. FH picks it up and talks to her on speakerphone. BM then proceeds to tell FH that 'FG (shes 5) decided she doesn't want to be in the wedding'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ***?!!!?!!! FH is like 'she's 5; she has no choice' and BM goes on and on about how that is not how she's raising her child.
UGHUGHUGH I hate drama and can't believe that my friend is acting in this way all because I don't want kids at my reception. It has nothing to do w/ anyone's kids, its our wishes and thats it END OF STORY! I called my BM back and told her 'sorry we are going to miss FG at our wedding' but then went on about how I was upset and disappointed I am. FH thought I shouldn't have told her how upset I am and just left it to sorry we'll miss her....GRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Again, apologies for the length of this. I really need to vent. Thanks girls.
PurpleGrl156
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Re: I am really trying not to get upset about this right now - VENT LONG LONG LONG SORRY
Posted by Pencils
am sorry if I offended you with my decision but feel that I shouldn't have to defend myself here; I stated what I needed to state - you may interpret it anyway you want to.
You didn't offend me--why would I be offended? I don't know you, and I don't care what happens at your wedding. I just don't understand why you were 'disgusted' that she couldn't find a babysitter, and why you're so upset about the situation. It's not even as if you now don't have a flowergirl, you still have another. So one five-year-old isn't attending your wedding. Why is that such a huge deal?
You are so right; it is not a huge deal. I can get through this. Thanks for helping me see the light.
luvabul
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Re: I am really trying not to get upset about this right now - VENT LONG LONG LONG SORRY
yeah i totally agree, what is one 5 year old gona do so horribly wrong at your wedding? i would make an exception , JMO
Future Mrs.
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Re: I am really trying not to get upset about this right now - VENT LONG LONG LONG SORRY
I think that an exception should be made for this FG. She is, after all, your FLOWER GIRL, and her MOTHER is a BM. That is just my opinion. I understand that you need to keep things consistent, but in this case, it is not so black and white. I think an exception should be made, and you should be flexible. THis is just my opinion though.
tricia3381
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Re: I am really trying not to get upset about this right now - VENT LONG LONG LONG SORRY
give it some time. hopefully the 5 year old FG will come around and stop throwing a tantrum.
Captsarkasm
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Re: I am really trying not to get upset about this right now - VENT LONG LONG LONG SORRY
I understand that the drama must be frustrating....but wouldn't it be easier to say 'no children...with the exception of the bridal party and their siblings'....if anything....it's the parents that will have less of a good time if they have to 'babysit'.....
MrsQ-in2007
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Re: I am really trying not to get upset about this right now - VENT LONG LONG LONG SORRY
I can understand your frustration, but I think you are missing another option here.
Why not allow BOTH flowergirls to attend, WITHOUT their siblings. Just cuz the other flowergirl has a young sibling doesn't mean the young sibling has to attend - seriously, the parents can still get a sitter for the siblings, but you can permit the FG's to attend.
No way does this mean that you'll end up with 20 kids like you mentioned. Just two that are taking the time (and expense - dress, shoes, possibly hair, etc) to be a part of your special day. Personally, I would include them in the reception and still keep the adults only. EVERYONE will understand that no kids except those in the bridal party are invited.
And even though you may feel that you want everyone to have a great time without worrying about their kids, if they want to bring their little girl that is probably so excited to be a flowergirl to your reception and have to 'deal' with her, then I think that's more than fine.
Remember that it IS your day, but it's the people around you that make it more special. Good luck! Hopefully it all works out for you.
billandme
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Re: I am really trying not to get upset about this right now - VENT LONG LONG LONG SORRY
Posted by MrsQ-in2007
I can understand your frustration, but I think you are missing another option here.
Why not allow BOTH flowergirls to attend, WITHOUT their siblings. Just cuz the other flowergirl has a young sibling doesn't mean the young sibling has to attend - seriously, the parents can still get a sitter for the siblings, but you can permit the FG's to attend.
No way does this mean that you'll end up with 20 kids like you mentioned. Just two that are taking the time (and expense - dress, shoes, possibly hair, etc) to be a part of your special day. Personally, I would include them in the reception and still keep the adults only. EVERYONE will understand that no kids except those in the bridal party are invited.
And even though you may feel that you want everyone to have a great time without worrying about their kids, if they want to bring their little girl that is probably so excited to be a flowergirl to your reception and have to 'deal' with her, then I think that's more than fine.
Remember that it IS your day, but it's the people around you that make it more special. Good luck! Hopefully it all works out for you.
Great advice!!!
iamvocal72
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Re: I am really trying not to get upset about this right now - VENT LONG LONG LONG SORRY
Ok I just have to say this and then I will be on my merry way:
True: It is your day = your way.
Anytime you place restrictions on anything you will have problems.
I understand that there are MANY reasons to have an adult only reception. Please don't all take the time to point them out to me - I do get it.
If you are having ANY children in the wedding party they should be allowed to attend the wedding. Your FG's and RB;s should be allowed to stay. I think you are wrong for insisting they leave after the ceremony. That is just my opinion.
If you don't want drama don't create it. Allow the girl at the wedding. I think this is all silly. You are creating stress where there should be none. A few kids are not going to destroy your wedding.
Anytime you force a no kids policy you are going to be dealing with hurt feelings, and in most cases anger. You can go ahead and do what you want but just know what you are walking into. Is it really worth it? Really?
I do get that this is YOUR DAY but this is also a joining of two families. Families include children.
Again, just my opinion. And I am really getting fed up with some of you not sticking up for these parents that just want the best for his/her kids. They don't want to just dump them off with WHOMEVER. It's their child. Please be a bit more sensitive to that. If the WHOLE family is at the wedding then reliable babysitters will be in short supply.
Ok I'm done now. sorry for the panties I crinkle.
Licee15
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Re: I am really trying not to get upset about this right now - VENT LONG LONG LONG SORRY
I totally understand how you feel, but I am going to play devils Advocate....
FG mom is spending alot of money on the FG dress and her dress...I have 2 RB's and 1 FG and I don't want them at the wedding either, then My dad said that it isn't the right thing to do to have a child in your wedding for 'your show' and to not invite them to the reception....The families are spending alot of money to have them in 'your show' that when you put that into perspective you can maybe understand....(You can always say to her you want her to have fun and not run after her daughter) I mean your BM did try to find someone, and everyone was going to be out of state.....I truly understand you don't want children at your wedding because I did not either, but what my dad said to me made me understand...Take sometimes you just need to give a little.....It's your wedding, this is only my opinion because I was in your shoes not to long ago.....
HTH and good luck
lizzynyu
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Re: I am really trying not to get upset about this right now - VENT LONG LONG LONG SORRY
I felt exactly like you. I love kids, but after being at a first communion party for one of FH's co-workers in the FDNY with a bunch of kids running around and screaming, I told FH no children at the wedding. On my side, there aren't many but on his side, he's got a lot of little cousins b/c his dad had 7 siblings. So I freaked out. From the get-go though, I was inviting only the flower girl and ring bearer (her sister) who are 4 and 8 to the reception because they were in the bridal party. I thought two kids wasn't gonna make a difference. But FH wanted to invite his cousins and it became a whole big drama. We finally compromised and agreed on children over the age of 13 were allowed except for the FG and RB b/c they are a part of the bridal party. I know you don't want children and trust me, I totally understand how you feel. But sometimes, just to keep peace, you gotta give a little bit. We all envision our day our way but bottom line is, sometimes you gotta give in to others because you want them to be a part of your special day and if they are important enough to you, you gotta try to accomodate them. That's just my 2 cents. If you need to talk or vent more, you can always FM me about it. Good luck!
Marly
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Re: I am really trying not to get upset about this right now - VENT LONG LONG LONG SORRY
FG is a part of your BP, she should be at the reception like everyone else. I hope everything works out.
charliesbride
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Re: I am really trying not to get upset about this right now - VENT LONG LONG LONG SORRY
personally i wouldnt ask someone to be in the wedding and then tell them they cant come to the reception...regardless of the age!
AMGBride2008
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Re: I am really trying not to get upset about this right now - VENT LONG LONG LONG SORRY
You shouldn't have to make acceptions for anyone. It's your wedding, do what you want to do. Don't let it ruin your planning or your day... it's one 5 year old girl... it's not going to make any real difference. Good luck.
MnM52607
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Re: I am really trying not to get upset about this right now - VENT LONG LONG LONG SORRY
We are having an adults only reception but I could never ask my 2 junior bridesmaids and 2 flower girls to leave. These 4 will be the only kids at my wedding.
Lools
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Re: I am really trying not to get upset about this right now - VENT LONG LONG LONG SORRY
Posted by Ericab1980
You sure an exception can't be made for the FG's? I've been to a few Adult only receptions but the FG's & RB where always present..
that's what I was thinking. would an arrangement like that possibly work for you?
diva7531
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Re: I am really trying not to get upset about this right now - VENT LONG LONG LONG SORRY
Wow this is a crazy thread!
I have a 5 yr old daughter and she changes her mind like she changes her underwear! This will be the second time she is a FG, the first time she went home after the ceremony, she was 3. This time she will be there unitl my mom leaves. The only children invited to my wedding are the ones in the BP, plus the 1 1/2 yr old brother of the one FG. I invited the grandparents of my one FG (both parents are in the BP) so the grandparents could watch their children and take them home after cake or the kids get cranky, whichever comes first. I feel your dilema, if you invite one, they'll all wanna come! It could happen, I hope everything works out for you. I do hope you got what you wanted from this board, SUPPORT. That is what we are here for! It's your wedding, do what you want, but on the other hand, take a minute to think of what others are doing for you on your day. I am by no means telling you to invite the FG or not. Do what makes you happy and if both options seem to suck, pick which one ***** less in the long run. In the end this is your friend, wouldn't you want her to still be your friend with no hard feelings, do what makes that happen. Good Luck!
thelastresort
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Re: I am really trying not to get upset about this right now - VENT LONG LONG LONG SORRY
Good for you for sticking to your guns! Your BM may not be raising her child to be 'that way', whatever she was alluding to, but she is definitely showing her the way to grow up to be an immature, inconsiderate person.
