I am so confused....am I wrong? Major drama (long)

Original post by nov.bride

Oct 01, 2004 07:40 AM

OK- so I believe I 've said it before you canonly pick your friends............................

My family is so selfish and oblivious I am not sure what to do

SO here goes:
MY bms and mil threw me the most BEAUTIFUL shower on Sunday. It was amazing! My basement looks like Fortunoffs stock room. They all went abover and beyond.

MY mother comes to the shower and my dads girlfriend comes. My parents have been apart since 1976 so this should be nothing new.

My fathers gf sits back to back with my mom. The 2 of them are seen chatting unusually. My mom is a bit twisted ( to say the least) She continues to pound back red wine.

So 1/2 way through the shower my fathers gf. leaves with some stupid excuse.

My celpphone rings while I am cutting cake. I IGNORE IT thank god.

At11:00 that night I listen to my messages.....it was my father SCREAMING like a lunatic that he;'s not coming to the wedding, his gf, & my brother because of my mother .
He said my mom told his gf all this $h*t and shes upset.

He left 2 of the nastiest messages I have ever heard. Tells me his GF is all upset and its all my fault b/c I thought it would be ok for her to come to my shower. (whatever to you! )

If I would have picked up the phone he would have RUINED my shower.

My mom is a big instigator - I know she was throwing digs. She is very jealous of my dads girlfriend.
\
Now I want neither of them there. My best friends husbands are going to have to walk me down the aisle.

THese a$$holes couln't put thier differences away for 1 day. I can't take any of them anymore.

I am so drained. Am I doing the right thing?
Even my MIL who is old school greek told me to not take my parents phone calls.

Do you believe this?!?!?!?

cluelessbride Posted: Oct 02, 2004 08:22 AM

Re: I am so confused....am I wrong? Major drama (long)

Posted by september2004

Posted by SeptWed

As someone who has come from a nasty divorce I have seen things like this happen. The only advice I can give you is ignore all of them for a bit and see what happens. When I have done this in the past someone usually calls to apologize after awhile. They are all going to want to be there at your wedding no matter what they say.....by ignoring them it shows them that you have had it with their actions.

ANd you are not wrong in the way you are thinking...they are all being VERY immature. Your mother should not say anthing, the GF should of walked away, your father should of never gotten you involved and I don't even know why your brother is getting involved.

Don't these people realize its your day - they got theirs now it is your turn. They are all being very selfish.

i think this is great advice and i admire your strength and rational thinking despite everything that is going on around you. you sound like a strong person who will try her best not to repeat in your family what has happened to you.

I totally agree! Keep your chin up and surround yourself with people who are supportive of you and excited about your wedding.

suven Posted: Oct 02, 2004 10:10 AM

.

DebMaher Posted: Oct 02, 2004 10:16 AM

Re: I am so confused....am I wrong? Major drama (long)

Wow, I have been simmering through all of this wonderful advice trying to put together exactly what I wanted to wish you. So many of our girls have given such good advice that I think I will just be a combination of some of that.
-I agree, the behavior of your parents is unexcusable and unnecessary. Though not particularly helpful, keep in mind thqat weddings often do this to families and bring out the worst.
-I love bunny's idea of a letter -- not an email -- but a letter that you can write, review, and simmer over. It should be the sole communication and not be nasty -- just clear about how this sort of unnecessary drama is detracting from what should be magical for you.
-Hard to say to someone who clearly needs a place to vent, but I strongly agree with Suven. Having the in laws be a repository of your family dysfunction is bound to be a source of drama, awkwardness, and nonsense in the years to come. Vent to us -- we understand but are not involved in your day to day life so that there will be no cause for it to come back and be a negative.
-Turn to FI for comfort; he is likely suffering seeing you so miserable and if nothing else, this will bond you even more.

pschica Posted: Oct 02, 2004 10:43 AM

Re: I am so confused....am I wrong? Major drama (long)

Dooodles Posted: Oct 02, 2004 11:00 AM

Re: I am so confused....am I wrong? Major drama (long)

Ah, the joys of family. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this right now. Whatever dig your Mom made at your father's gf, his gf should have handled it like a lady and ignored it to enjoy your shower. Your father also should have waited to deal with you or more appropriately, your Mom. I also cannot let my anger go without expressing it somehow to those who have hurt me. The letter sounds like a fantastic idea (agree with Deb on it not being an email).
Let them know how much their actions have hurt you. I think you should point out they are the people you love and want near you on your wedding day but with everyone's actions, you feel as that won't be possible. Ask why they all feel they need to punish you and ruin one of the most important days of your life? Can they honestly not put their differences aside out of their love for you?
If you do decide to write a letter, please share it with us and the replies!
Many hugs for you!