I am so confused....am I wrong? Major drama (long)

OK- so I believe I 've said it before you canonly pick your friends............................

My family is so selfish and oblivious I am not sure what to do

SO here goes:
MY bms and mil threw me the most BEAUTIFUL shower on Sunday. It was amazing! My basement looks like Fortunoffs stock room. They all went abover and beyond.

MY mother comes to the shower and my dads girlfriend comes. My parents have been apart since 1976 so this should be nothing new.

My fathers gf sits back to back with my mom. The 2 of them are seen chatting unusually. My mom is a bit twisted ( to say the least) She continues to pound back red wine.

So 1/2 way through the shower my fathers gf. leaves with some stupid excuse.

My celpphone rings while I am cutting cake. I IGNORE IT thank god.

At11:00 that night I listen to my messages.....it was my father SCREAMING like a lunatic that he;'s not coming to the wedding, his gf, & my brother because of my mother .
He said my mom told his gf all this $h*t and shes upset.



He left 2 of the nastiest messages I have ever heard. Tells me his GF is all upset and its all my fault b/c I thought it would be ok for her to come to my shower. (whatever to you! )

If I would have picked up the phone he would have RUINED my shower.

My mom is a big instigator - I know she was throwing digs. She is very jealous of my dads girlfriend.
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Now I want neither of them there. My best friends husbands are going to have to walk me down the aisle.

THese a$$holes couln't put thier differences away for 1 day. I can't take any of them anymore.

I am so drained. Am I doing the right thing?
Even my MIL who is old school greek told me to not take my parents phone calls.

Do you believe this?!?!?!?

I am so sorry. Try to ignore the situation. I know that is hard. If they don't come it's their loss. Your Dad has issues. He should have NEVER had called you. That situation is between your mom and his girlfriend.

Try to be happy. Your getting married

Sorry that they're involving you in such a mess. Since they've been apart for so long, my own opinion is that they are being very selfish. All I can send your ways is hugs.

As someone who has come from a nasty divorce I have seen things like this happen. The only advice I can give you is ignore all of them for a bit and see what happens. When I have done this in the past someone usually calls to apologize after awhile. They are all going to want to be there at your wedding no matter what they say.....by ignoring them it shows them that you have had it with their actions.

ANd you are not wrong in the way you are thinking...they are all being VERY immature. Your mother should not say anthing, the GF should of walked away, your father should of never gotten you involved and I don't even know why your brother is getting involved.

Don't these people realize its your day - they got theirs now it is your turn. They are all being very selfish.

Personally, I would be too upset to 'ignore' them - in the conventional silent treatment sense. I don't know how you deal with emotional situations, but I need to express my hurt.

I would not talk to them face to face, but I would write a letter to all of them explaining how the situation played out for you and asking them to put aside their petty selfishness for your wedding. Be firm and honest.

I cannot imagine this would not have them feeling at least a little bad about what they did - even if they would not admit it.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this - my parents are not divorced, but my family is still severely dysfunctional - I know how hard it is too see your parents acting like teenagers.

First - sorry you have to deal with all of this

Writing the letter sounds like a good idea or a phone call - just have everything written out so you don't get flustered.

The bottom line is this a special day for you and DH, and you can't let any of them ruin it.

If they love you and care about you they can put everything aside for one day for you.
That's what I told my parents. I also eased the situation by putting them in separate cars, giving them separate tables, separate pews at church, taking separate family photos, etc.

Good luck! And we're all here for you.

It is a shame that your parents cannot act like adults when they are around one another.

I don't think I could 'ignore' the situation either. I think I would write them all a letter, explaining how hurt you are, how you would hope they could aside their differences for YOU, and that they are making a stressful time (leading up to the wedding) even more difficult.



Good luck. Oh, and you are not wrong in this situation. Your father had no right to take your mother's actions out on you.

So sorry. You're right...you can't pick 'em! Both your mom and dad seem to be acting like selfish jerks (sorry to say it like that), and your MIL may be right in that the best thing right now is to take it easy, not talk to them for a few days, and relax. One thing's for sure - this is not YOUR fault (for thinking mom and GF could get along, as your dad implied). I hate this icon, but I think you deserve a .

My advise would be to talk with them....Sit them down, and tell them that this is your special day and you would really want them to be there and that they are acting childish.

After all...put it this way....If they weren't there, in 1, 2 ,3 years from now will you regret it? Will you look at the videos and pictures and see something missing? Probably. Just my 2 cents. Gook luck with what you choose.

They are all selfish..Sorry you have to deal with this.

OK I think it your father's gf fault, she went like a little girl and complained to him.
It's YOUR day and nobody and nothing is going to ruin it ok?

How selfish of them!
That is inexcuseable!!!
I think you need to sit them down and explain to them what their behaviour is doing to you.
Let them know that they are possibly ruining a huge day in your life, and if they can't put thier immaturity aside for a few moments, then you'll gladly take them off of the guest list and send them a video.....so that they don't have to be bothered with your feelings any longer.
Completely ridiculous that you should be put in this situation...shame on all of them!

I agree that they have ALL act very selfishly and immature. If you are the type of person who can ket things go, than I would just ignore the situation and let them deal with it on their own. I know that personally I couldn't do that. I would have to tell them how their actions made me feel. I would tell your mother that for your sake she needs to control her mouth and not make a difficult situation even worse. You should tell your father, that no matter what transpired between your mother and his girlfriend, under no circumstances should it have been made into your problem. You should also tell him that it was beyond inappropriate to suggest not attending your wedding. I would even take it a step further and talk to your fathers girlfriend and let her know that even though your mother's behavior may have been inapproporiate, she didn't make things any easier by running to your father. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

I don't know what to tell you to decide, but you're definitely not wrong and I agree with your MIL. They shoudn;t pout ypu in the middle of their problem, especially on your shower. How could your mom ruin your dad by talking sh!t to your dad's gf. Not the time or the plae. how could your dad try to ruin your shower by calling you in the middle of it to yell. That's terrible. It should be about making you happy, not a 30 year old dispute. I'm so sorry ou have to go through this. At least your IL's are supportive.

Thanks for all the support and hugs....


I am in a really bad spot because of all of this and actually did not send any of them thier invitations or to thier friends.

Part of me knows that without any of them there I don't have to worry about drama or them acting ridiculous.

The other part of me wishes I had parents that actually took on that role seriously.

I am fortunate to have great friends and all though my inlaws go overboard sometimes with all this wedding stuff they are 100% fantastic and have embraced me through out all these years. I love them very much.

Thanks for listening and your advice - its nice to hear unbiased opinions.....unfortunately I am sure this is not the last of it.
My familys actions are deplurable

wow sweety! That is rough. I think your dad owes you a serious appology! And the women should freekin' know better!
JMO..but seriously!


feel better! And it is totally not your fault! I think parent's just never know what to do in these situations: they are all having issues of thier own obviously but they are all being really selfish. I say don't even stress! Try to deal with what you already have on your plate, and let the big children handle themselves!

stay cool.

Hang in there. They have no right to do this to you. This is about their LOVE for you, not their hatred for each other.

Glad you have your FILs. You deserve love and support, not this junk.

Vent to us anytime. That's what we're here for!!! Good luck!!

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Posted by SeptWed

As someone who has come from a nasty divorce I have seen things like this happen. The only advice I can give you is ignore all of them for a bit and see what happens. When I have done this in the past someone usually calls to apologize after awhile. They are all going to want to be there at your wedding no matter what they say.....by ignoring them it shows them that you have had it with their actions.

ANd you are not wrong in the way you are thinking...they are all being VERY immature. Your mother should not say anthing, the GF should of walked away, your father should of never gotten you involved and I don't even know why your brother is getting involved.

Don't these people realize its your day - they got theirs now it is your turn. They are all being very selfish.

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i think this is great advice and i admire your strength and rational thinking despite everything that is going on around you. you sound like a strong person who will try her best not to repeat in your family what has happened to you.