This is not WR strictly, but it is my BM that I'm mad at, and it does make me fear for future gatherings, like my bachelorette party. But anyways, here it goes:
My BM (who is my downstairs neighbor) and her roomate had a halloween party last night, and my BM completely ruined it for everyone. She's not all that social, and claims to 'not be good with people'. She gets nervous around big groups, but with small ones she's usually fine. Well, her roomate put a lot of work into the party (apparently my BM was too busy with school work to help set up) and my BM was just 'too worried about school, not in a people mood, and sad about a boy' basically. There were only 8 people there including her, and she was sulky the whole night. She just kept saying she had a long week at school and she's not in the mood to party. Well, she was the host, and it's rude to act that way when people come into your home for a party. At one point we were all playing a game and she came out with school work on her lap and was going to just sit there and work at the party! I took her upstairs to my apt at one point to tell her she needed just forget her troubles and have fun, because she's the host and it makes people uncomfortable. I also tried to get some alcohol into her, but it didn't help. What pisses me off the most is that she keeps claiming she had such a long week and she just doens't feel like partying. Okay, if you're a guest and you're not having fun you can leave. But if you're hosting a party you have to suck it up and be pleasant. Worst part is her roomate's two sisters were staying with them for the night. So it really made them feel uncomforatble. Plus the two sisters also did a ton of work for the party. So now I am worried she's going to pull this crap at my bachelorette party. What should I tell her? I'm not going to babysit her. I'm also having my BP in NY, and she lives in MD with me. So there's no way for her to bail if she comes with us. What should I tell her?
Mrs. dleeny
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Re: I am so incredibly pissed--sorry, very long!!
jeez! your BM sounds just like my sister.
she still lives at home with my folks and whenever they have company over she sits there in the middle of the room and does school work
IMO, people like that are starved for attention.
I wouldn't worry about your bachlorette party. everyone has their quirks.
October Bliss
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Re: I am so incredibly pissed--sorry, very long!!
I wouldn't worry about your bachlorette party. If she acts up (or sulks as the case may be) it is her problem, not yours. Of course you want everyone to have a good time, but on that night someone else will babysit her if need be. Another thing to consider, if she has another 'bad week' she might just opt to stay in MD, and then all this worrying will have been about nothing anyway.
glinda_goodwitch
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Re: I am so incredibly pissed--sorry, very long!!
Posted by SexyEsq
I wouldn't worry about your bachlorette party. If she acts up (or sulks as the case may be) it is her problem, not yours. Of course you want everyone to have a good time, but on that night someone else will babysit her if need be. Another thing to consider, if she has another 'bad week' she might just opt to stay in MD, and then all this worrying will have been about nothing anyway.
When I talk to her about this party (and I will talk to her because someone has to say something to her) I think I'm going to give her two options: 1 is to come and have a good time, and 2 is to stay home if you think that you won't be in the mood to deal with people. She's welcome to come, but it can't be my problem if she's going to act that way again.
LisaJill
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Re: I am so incredibly pissed--sorry, very long!!
I can totally understand why you would be concerned. she sounds like a drama queen... and she also sounds like she is starved for attention. Does she do this alot or was this the first time you have seen this part of her? I went to a BP last month and one of the girls was sulky the whole time. Everyone else made up for it though and ignored her and we also told her it was wrong to do for the bride. I think that on the off chance she does behave this way, I think that if you or another BM sat her down and said this is the bride's time and it should be a time that is special to the bride, she will perk up. You are obviously close to her and I think she wouldn't want to ruin it for you. Good luck!
glinda_goodwitch
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Re: I am so incredibly pissed--sorry, very long!!
Posted by LisaJill
I can totally understand why you would be concerned. she sounds like a drama queen... and she also sounds like she is starved for attention. Does she do this alot or was this the first time you have seen this part of her?
I was actually surprised by how she acted tonight. I know that she does get this way, but last night it seemed to my FH and I that she was actually trying to be upset. Because someone put on the song 'cotton-eyed joe' to liven things up and we were dancing to it for one minute, and then the next minute she went back into her room and sulked. Or during the movie we were watching, she watched half and then went back into her room. But occasionally she would call out something to us from her room while we were watching the movie, Which I thought was rude. At one point during the movie she came out and took pics of us, which was so annoying since the flash was on and some of us hadn't ever seen the movie. So it seemed like she was trying to be upset and pissy and sometimes she forgot to and lightened up. But then she would remember and get back into it again. I'm not sure if she was looking for attention or whatnot. I know that she can get pissy and that in larger groups she gets nervous. But these were all her close friends, and it was only 8 of us. Her behavior really surprised me.
LisaJill
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Re: I am so incredibly pissed--sorry, very long!!
I know this sounds soo stupid, but she was probably hormonal or something I don't think that she will do it at your BP and if she does, someone will set her straight. Speak to her today and gently ask her what was bothering her last night. dont tell her you were alarmed by her actions cause then she will go on the defensive and you might fight or something. Just tell her you are worried and want to know if she is ok. If she asks you what you mean, just explan to her how you perceived she was acting and see if she acknowledges her behavior. Then tell her that rather than walking around pissy all night she should just try to have a good time. let me know what happens!
glinda_goodwitch
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Re: I am so incredibly pissed--sorry, very long!!
Yeah, but that is why I brought her upstairs to my apt last night during the party. I know that a lot of it was about a guy she likes but lives in CA. He came to visit this week, and she didn't tell him how she felt. Also, she's always worried about school work. She's a grad student and that's how she defines herself. But I'm a grad student too, and I think that it's important to have a life outside of school. I'm sure that these were special circumstances. But, to act that way at a party you are hosting still pisses me off. To see her act that way makes me think she's capable of doing it again. That's why I really want to talk to her so she knows that it was really bad. I know that she is a little socially off. And usually I think it's bad when people tell her things she does wrong, because it just makes her feel bad and feel like she's not good with people. But sometimes you do have to let someone know they were out of line. I really like her and she's a good friend. She just has some quirks. But I don't like when someone's quirks make other people feel uncomfortable. I wasn't uncomfortable, but I know some of the other people at the party were. It wasn't fair to them.
tiffandmatt
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Re: I am so incredibly pissed--sorry, very long!!
I do agree that when someone is the host of the party that they shold be into the whole mood of the party.
But to be fair, hasen't it happened to all of us, that you plan something and when that day finally comes around you realize that stress from work, school and life in general, are totally ruining ones mood, making you want to just have a quiet night alone in your PJ's, instead having to host a party or go out?
Perhaps she had planned the party, and after she had planned the whole thing, she was assigned a huge paper or something?
Work, school and regular day to day stress can be over whelming, it's hard to just get over it, sometimes it's something that you really can't help but focus on.
I wouldn't be too mad at her. She might have just needed someone to have a nice long girl talk with. You said she was also having guy problems, if her heart just got broken, I'm sorry but you can't just expect her to party and have fun. And especailly if on top of all this she is a shy person, it's probably even harder for her to deal with big crowds on top of being upset. Don't be too hard on her, she just might have had areally really bad week. We all know how that can be. Don't worry about your bachlorret party, have a nice talk with her and see how it goes.
PegaLega
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Re: I am so incredibly pissed--sorry, very long!!
I am a party person and there are sometimes when I am really intent on having a good time and sometimes I just dont want to deal with people. I would tell her that you would really like for her to enjoy your BP and you would also like to enjoy it-if she doesnt think that she can have a good time then she cant be offended if you seem to be ignoring her. Ask her if she really wants to be there-and if she is going to make the best of it
glinda_goodwitch
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Re: I am so incredibly pissed--sorry, very long!!
Posted by tiffandmatt I'm sorry but you can't just expect her to party and have fun. And especailly if on top of all this she is a shy person, it's probably even harder for her to deal with big crowds on top of being upset. Don't be too hard on her, she just might have had areally really bad week. We all know how that can be. Don't worry about your bachlorret party, have a nice talk with her and see how it goes.
But I wasn't expecting her to party and have fun. I was expecting her to at least be pleasant so her guests didn't feel uncomfortable. There's a difference. And the fact that she was 'slipping up' and having a little fun from time to time makes me think she was doing it for the attention.
Goldi1021
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Re: I am so incredibly pissed--sorry, very long!!
Honestly, If I were her, I would have made some sort of apology to the other co-host and to the guests and stayed in my room. I wouldnt care if shes a host or not, 'toxic people' make me nuts. Id just as soon, let her be. Then after the party talk to her and try to help. I wouldnt mention a bachelorette party at all because it would come across as being all about you instead of her. Of course you want her there to have a good time but if shes going to bring you down during this very exciting time in your life, let her stay home.
glinda_goodwitch
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Re: I am so incredibly pissed--sorry, very long!!
Posted by Goldi1021
Honestly, If I were her, I would have made some sort of apology to the other co-host and to the guests and stayed in my room. I wouldnt care if shes a host or not, 'toxic people' make me nuts. Id just as soon, let her be. Then after the party talk to her and try to help. I wouldnt mention a bachelorette party at all because it would come across as being all about you instead of her. Of course you want her there to have a good time but if shes going to bring you down during this very exciting time in your life, let her stay home.
Well, that's the thing. It's not really the bachelorette party that worries me the most. I mean it does worry a little. But i'm just mad at the way she acted, whether she's in my BP or not. I thought it was childish and I do agree that she needs to apologize to her roomate. I think if she knew she was feeling this way, she should have gone to her parents house which is cloesby. She didn't have to ruin the party, especially since she didn't do much of the planning. It was her roomate that put so much work into it, and I feel bad for her.
ETA: I also talked to her during the party in my apt to make sure things were okay. I explained to her that she needs to at least be pleasant for the guests. But she just wasn't interested in listening.
nferrandi
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Re: I am so incredibly pissed--sorry, very long!!
I would just let her have a miserable time at the bach party and ignore it. If she doesn't want to make the best of a situation and enjoy it, than that's her problem, not yours.
SummerBride06
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Re: I am so incredibly pissed--sorry, very long!!
it honestly sounds like she was possibly reaching out and may be depressed about something. she was doing everything in her power to be rude and a bad hostess, so i think she may have been waiting for someone to be like 'hey--what's the matter? let's go talk about it' or...maybe she's just rude. but give her the benefit of the doubt and ask her if anything major is going on. she may surprise you. good luck!
glinda_goodwitch
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Re: I am so incredibly pissed--sorry, very long!!
Posted by SummerBride06
it honestly sounds like she was possibly reaching out and may be depressed about something. she was doing everything in her power to be rude and a bad hostess, so i think she may have been waiting for someone to be like 'hey--what's the matter? let's go talk about it' or...maybe she's just rude. but give her the benefit of the doubt and ask her if anything major is going on. she may surprise you. good luck!
Honestly, do you know how many people spent time talking to her to see how she was doing? It must have been someone for almost every point of the party. One of her friends, who is having marital troubles and wanted to come to this party for a fun night away, spent the most time talking to her. So this poor guy who needed a night alone from women got stuck trying to make her feel better. She made it clear to all of us what was wrong. She just felt the need to be the center of attention for the night.
babybug631
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Re: I am so incredibly pissed--sorry, very long!!
I wouldn't let her get to you. i know it's easier than said, but what do you care if she has to be a sour puss. if she gets like that at the BP i'd just ignore her.
