I am feeling so sad and angry. I have seven BM's. My 3 sisters and 4 childhood friends. They are really annoying me because some of them are not making the effort to look for the dresses. I am the one going here and there checking for dresses. I already have sooooo much on my plate and they are not helping me. I really just want to tell them all that I am only going to have my sisters and one friend as my BM's. Today I got so angry that I had an argument with one of my BMs. I just cant take it anymore. Any advice ladies?????????
Espo22
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Re: I am so mad at my BM's
have you tried scheduling a day for all of you to go look. Not sure if you have, cant tell by your post. But sounds like you're looking and you want them to look too. I say email them all and find out what day is good for everybody to go look for bm dresses.
jtgarsik
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Re: I am so mad at my BM's
I had a fairly large bridal party as well (8 girls) & to be completely honest, it was SO much easier to just go with just my MOH. Its hard to get them all together to begin with, and when they ARE all together they ALL have different opinions. So honestly, i think this is a blessing in disguise! Try not to take it to heart....half of my BM's including family as well were SOOO laid back about everything, pulled no shows to important things etc...but my mom reminded me that they were just at a different place in their life than i was. It's not a bad thing, it just is what it is...they're not the bride, so of course their priorities are different..and untill they're planning their own wedding they just dont get it. ...one day they will and they'll realize it all and they'll have BM's that do the same thing lol. after my wedding i actually apologized to one of my friends who's wedding i was in years prior lol...because after being a bride u realize A LOT! so again, try not to take it to heart because it really isn't intentional ANYWAYS, when we went looking for dresses i went with my mom, my MOH & her younger sister(who was also in the BP)..it was SUCH a nice time. After we decided on a dress i brought each of my girls back so they could try it & make sure they felt comfortable in it since there were lots of different body types & they all had huge boobs lol. this is what worked for me best. BELIEVE ME, it's crazy when u have 7 different girls with 7 different opinions trying to decide on dresses! good luck with everything - and try not to feel so down...remember why u picked them in the first place! they love u - they're just in a different place than u are!
Jenn04
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Re: I am so mad at my BM's
Great advice above! I agree that you should definitely only go with MOH or one BM.
I also think you should sleep on it before you start un-inviting people. You are feeling stressed and are acting upon that stress and might end up hurting peoples feelings. I know you think everyone should cater to you because its your wedding but it is definitely hard when there are so many people involved!
I have an idea....did you want them to all where the same dress or different styles? I was in a wedding with 5 BM and we all lived in different states. The Bride picked out 7 styles of dresses and sent us the website and we all got to pick our dress! I actually went to a store to try mine on but some of the others just picked their favorite and ordered it. (Oh, PS she did have a store set up where we ordered from and the orders had to be placed by a certain date. She did have to email us a few times as a reminder to call in our order and give credit card.)
I also did something similar...I picked out a few styles of Impression dresses and emailed them to my 3 BM. 1 lives in NC and went to try the styles on. I went with the other 2 and they picked th styles they liked. It was pretty easy because there were only 3, but if you leave in their hands....they have to just get it done!
beram63
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Re: I am so mad at my BM's
idk what situation other brides are in, but my experience has been that i'm the only one who cares about the wedding at all. my BMs are happy when i send them pictures of dresses i'm considering, but i get the feeling they all want to take direction from me.
is it possible that your girls just want you to pick the dress so they can pick it up, or do you think they'd make a big deal about not being involved and argue over your choice?
GraceAndAdam
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Re: I am so mad at my BM's
They might just want to let you pick whatever dresses you want since it's going to be for your big day. With that many BM's it can get confusing if everyone tries to pick a dress because chances are everyone will like something different. So maybe they figure it will be easier if you just tell them what to get. With my BM's I emailed them each pics of several dresses that I liked, and asked them to let me know which ones they liked. That helped me narrow it down to just a couple that they all liked and then we went to the store to try them on. Much easier and less confusing that way! good luck!
LauraD419
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Re: I am so mad at my BM's
Unfortunately this is the reality of it. They are willing to be your bm because they love you and want to stand up for you. But in the eyes of some bm's...it's your wedding and you should do the leg work! Sorry!
mjay
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Re: I am so mad at my BM's
I would just go with one or two girls,, they all dont have to go,, that is way too many opinions,, Decide on either 2 or three dresses with the help of a few,, and if you want send the pics to the other girls and see which one will work for all based on body type and style..
Espo22
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Re: I am so mad at my BM's
The first time I went with MOH only.
Then I emailed all the girls and said i would like to go within the next week or two and what days are good for everybody. I figured out a date which was good for most. I also told them if they couldn't make it that it was fine but to keep in mind that they wouldn't be part of picking a dress so if that is fine with them that it is fine with me. 6 out of the 8 girls came. One of them couldn't come during the week because she had classes at night so that was fine and the other was working until 8pm so couldn't make it. We went that 1 day, i got to the store earlier and picked out a bunch of dresses and put them all in a dressing room and when they came we eliminated some right away, they tried on a few and picked them in about an hour or under. So it was pretty easy. THe one that had classes i actually went with that same weekend to the place but bc her daughter is our JR BM and had to pick a dress for her so while she was there i showed her what dress we picked and she tried it on.
See what girls can come with you and if they cant then just let it be, theyre the ones who wont get to pick a dress or have anything to say about the dresses.
jeanne08
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Re: I am so mad at my BM's
that's alot of girls. It seems that the more BMs someone has the harder it is to get everyone to agree. Definitely try to plan a day for EVERYONE to go dress shopping together, That way everyone is looking at the same thing at the same time. And hopefully you can decide on something. Or if not everone like the same exact dress let them narrow it down to a few styles that they are comfortable with and get different dresses but in the same color.
mao0426
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Re: I am so mad at my BM's
I agree with many of the above posts...it is your wedding and with so many dfferent opinions it would be best for you to just decide what dress you want...or maybe pick a few and bring some of your BM who are willing to go with you to help make the final decision...I made the mistake of asking opinions and all I got in return was stress and arguments...do yourself a favor and just find the dresses on your own and then ask the girls what they think...maybe do some research online and send pics to them? It is your day and in the end you are going to be the one to make the final decision
EJSD2006
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Re: I am so mad at my BM's
i went with my 3 sisters to look for dresses. they tried on what they liked and i chose from that. then i just told the other 3 bm's what dress i chose and went with them to try them on.
in the long run, its your wedding day so it comes down to what dress YOU choose.
BoxOfRocks
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Re: I am so mad at my BM's
The previous posters gave great advice. Since ultimately, it's your wedding and you are going to have the most important vote in what dresses they'll wear, you are going to have to take responsibility for organizing the process of choosing the dress.
Since you have a large party, I agree with the above posts about organizing one day that's convenient for as many as possible, or just taking the MOH and perhaps one or two other BMs along.
The sheer number of styles and colors of BM dresses out there can be overwhelming. Taking into account all the different body types and individual tastes makes that more challenging. What might help is narrowing down the choices, and showing the BMs some final candidate dresses--each of which you would be OK with them wearing--through e-mail, and then having them vote on them.
PegaLega
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Re: I am so mad at my BM's
If they are being that hard-you set a date to go and look-those that can go-go....the other will just have to deal with whatever dress is chosen.
bluegreen08
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Re: I am so mad at my BM's
I agree with everyone else -- this is likely a blessing in disguise.
My MOH and one very involved BM picked their dresses. I sent pictures of them to the other girls and asked if they liked it, they all did so we ordered it. (they got to try them on when they ordered, except for one BM in the city who just sent in her measurements)
Why dont you tell everyone that you're willing to let them help pick out their dresses, and anyone who is interested should [show up on X date, e-mail you available dates, whatever]. Make it an opt-in system. If they don't go or respond they lose having input in the dress. It's probably easier for you to go with less girls, and it wont keep dragging things out.
If you really want their input you can go with your MOH, narrow it down to a few and email pictures to your BMs and let them vote. Probably would only cause trouble if you're having them all wear the same thing, but if they are picking different dresses you can let them select from those you email out
