so i come home from work yesterday and i get this EMAIL from one of my bridesmaid...one of my supposed best friends and she has told me that she will not be able to come to the wedding because she can't afford it...mind you my wedding is 4 months away...can you believe it, she didn't even have the nerve to call and tell me. I just talked to her last week and she said that she couldn't wait for all the festivities to begin...and NOW all of a sudden she can't afford it. She lives in maryland and they were going to drive up...the dress isn't expensive and she has known about this for the past 9 months and NOW she can't afford it. I don't even know what to do at this point. I am really hurt. I understand that they she has money issues but who doesn't... do i have a right to be mad???
she can't afford gas money to drive 200 miles from MD to LI? nice friend.
At least you found out now, and not 4 days before.
Still though, I would never speak to her again if she were my 'friend'.
leighdvm
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
Yes, I would be upset! BUT, maybe something came up that put a severe financial strain on her?? If it were me, I'd tell her I'd pay for the dress and help her out any way I could. The most important thing to me would be to have her there with me. But, yes, I'd be very upset!
Reesa
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
I think you do have a right to be mad. I have a similar situation (which I won't get in to).
She did have plenty of time to save. I think she really should have thought about the expense--Its def expensive to be a bm--but before she accepted your offer, she probably should have thought about it or at least mentioned that she may have a problem.
Is she saying she can't afford it b/c of the gift?? Is there something else going on with her maybe?? A phone call would have def been more appropriate.
music79
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
Posted by dleeny
That is so wrong!
she can't afford gas money to drive 200 miles from MD to LI? nice friend.
At least you found out now, and not 4 days before.
Still though, I would never speak to her again if she were my 'friend'.
i told her if she couldn't come to my wedding that was the end of our friendship....she then said i wish you happiness for your wedding and many years after........i can't believe that she was supposed to be one of my best friends, i am upset, hurt, mad etc.
there are so many things that can go wrong for a wedding your friends are the ones that are supposed to be there for you not CAUSE the trouble. Nice friend...huh
I told her (and another one of the bridesmaids) that we would help in any way, and then she said that she also got a new job that she can't take off from work...i don't know which it is. i just wish she would have called me. AND i am paying for the girls hotel rooms(the ones from out of town) as part of their BM presents. so i think it is all bu**s***
shamrock12472
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
I don't blame you for being upset but I don't think you should be mad. Maybe she was really trying to afford it and just can't. You never know what is really going on in someone else's life. If she really is a good friend, don't let this ruin that relationship.
cantwait2bewed
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
Its jealousy girl.. Listen its your wedding not hers. No one will be paying attention to her that day. Noone will miss the fact that she will be there. Have one groomsmen walk down with 2 girls. There you go problem-solved.
lullabella
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
I am sorry to say that this girl was never a good friend to begin with because if she was she would have never done this. I know how hurt you must be but honestly better that it happen now then after the wedding, she doesnt deserve to take part in the most important day of your life.
bluesashbride
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
heck yes you have a right to be FUMING mad! so close to the date and IN AN EMAIL! plain wrong in my mind!
MrsJ
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
Posted by cantwait2bewed
Its jealousy girl.. Listen its your wedding not hers. No one will be paying attention to her that day. Noone will miss the fact that she will be there. Have one groomsmen walk down with 2 girls. There you go problem-solved.
I agree. I had one of my BMs walk with 2 GM and it was fine. You will have a great time, no one will miss her.
cantwait2bewed
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
Posted by bluesashbride
heck yes you have a right to be FUMING mad! so close to the date and IN AN EMAIL! plain wrong in my mind!
Yes i believe the email was a copout. How could she do that.
Mrs. dleeny
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
'i told her if she couldn't come to my wedding that was the end of our friendship....she then said i wish you happiness for your wedding and many years after........i can't believe that she was supposed to be one of my best friends, i am upset, hurt, mad etc.
there are so many things that can go wrong for a wedding your friends are the ones that are supposed to be there for you not CAUSE the trouble. Nice friend...huh
I told her (and another one of the bridesmaids) that we would help in any way, and then she said that she also got a new job that she can't take off from work...i don't know which it is. i just wish she would have called me. AND i am paying for the girls hotel rooms(the ones from out of town) as part of their BM presents. so i think it is all bu**s***'
you know what, when people move to other parts of the country things change. frienships taper off, even relations with family tapers off. it is very sad. I've had the same happen to me.
cheer up, it is not the end of the world. but I can only imagine what it must feel like for you.
Happy days are ahead!
melissaandsean
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
1. yes I would be mad. very mad
2. I'd also be glad. glad she told me now and not a week or two before.
Perhaps something really big happened for her, but yet I would think if that was the case, and she was really your friend, she would tell you this and explain herself a bit more.
My friend is in a wedding this coming November and she's now hurting financially and wants to back out. I told her to tell the bride NOW and to CALL HER! (I think doing it via email is just plain rude and inconsiderate!). Things happen and committments we make months if not a year in andvance can change, unfortunately. New jobs, losing jobs, houses, other obligations, etc. It's unfortunate but it does happen. I think your 'friend' could have gone about this in a much nicer way.
During times like this, (major life changes) we find out who our real friends are.
CubanBride
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
Um, I am going to be the odd person and say before you get mad, talk to her. It's possible that something major happened that all of a sudden she cannot go. Yes, it ***** that she cannot go to the wedding, but remember, it's one day that isn't worth a friendship.
You should definitely talk to her and find out what happened. Telling her you wont be friends with her because she isn't able to make it to your wedding is a bit immature, don't ya think.
Having good friends means being a friend.
I hate when people jump on someone for being jealous or a bad person when we don't know the whole story. The email was a bad idea, but maybe she was ashamed or embarrased.
salsbride06
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
i would say that you have every right to be mad. i know i would be. this is something that she knew about for a while.
McSulllivan
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
Posted by CubanBride
Um, I am going to be the odd person and say before you get mad, talk to her. It's possible that something major happened that all of a sudden she cannot go. Yes, it ***** that she cannot go to the wedding, but remember, it's one day that isn't worth a friendship.
You should definitely talk to her and find out what happened. Telling her you wont be friends with her because she isn't able to make it to your wedding is a bit immature, don't ya think.
Having good friends means being a friend.
I hate when people jump on someone for being jealous or a bad person when we don't know the whole story. The email was a bad idea, but maybe she was ashamed or embarrased.
Well said. I agree. However, I also agree that it was completely wrong to back out of the wedding via e-mail, she may be having serious, serious financial problems. True, you did offer any assistance, perhaps she doesn't want to ask for help. Money is a funny animal. Some people equate it with their worth. Maybe she feels that if she can't afford to be in the bridal party, she doesn't deserve to be there at all. Before writing her off, get to the bottom of it. Good luck!
Corduroy94
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
Posted by CubanBride
Um, I am going to be the odd person and say before you get mad, talk to her. It's possible that something major happened that all of a sudden she cannot go. Yes, it ***** that she cannot go to the wedding, but remember, it's one day that isn't worth a friendship.
You should definitely talk to her and find out what happened. Telling her you wont be friends with her because she isn't able to make it to your wedding is a bit immature, don't ya think.
Having good friends means being a friend.
I hate when people jump on someone for being jealous or a bad person when we don't know the whole story. The email was a bad idea, but maybe she was ashamed or embarrased.
I have to agree. I would be FUMING at the way she delivered the news and is handling herself but I would want to see if there's more she isn't telling you before I lay down an ultimatum. I'm not saying to try and find a way to have her back in the BP but maybe there is a way to save the friendship.
lcherian
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
MomNeedsTissues
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
Very well said by CubanBride and McSullivan.
Jumping to conclusions is natural. Sending the email was wrong, however, maybe that was easier for her to deal with. Wrong way, yes, in person/phone is much better.
Everyone always reacts to bad news before hearing the correct reason. Think about her reason and think about your friendship.
