so i come home from work yesterday and i get this EMAIL from one of my bridesmaid...one of my supposed best friends and she has told me that she will not be able to come to the wedding because she can't afford it...mind you my wedding is 4 months away...can you believe it, she didn't even have the nerve to call and tell me. I just talked to her last week and she said that she couldn't wait for all the festivities to begin...and NOW all of a sudden she can't afford it. She lives in maryland and they were going to drive up...the dress isn't expensive and she has known about this for the past 9 months and NOW she can't afford it. I don't even know what to do at this point. I am really hurt. I understand that they she has money issues but who doesn't... do i have a right to be mad???
AnniesSS
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
I would call her up and see what happened to change her mind so quickly and then offer to help - If I could. Sometimes things just happen in life that you can't control Been there - done that try not to take it to heart and give her some credit for notifying you 4 months in advance and not 4 days, as someone else said.
Remember, things happen that you can't control.
psf80
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
I'm so sorry, I'd be upset and mad as well.
What I would do is call her and tell her you are very upset that she chose to do that over email. Tell her you want her to be part of your special day and ask if there's anyway you can help her, maybe being a bridesmaid is too costly for her, but assure her you want her there either way. That's what I would do if it were a really good friend that I wanted there.
jesslangen
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
Thats frustrating.
I had a simialr situation, and we are no longer speaking! However, financials was not an issue in her situation it was just sheer jealousy.
Anyway, maybe you can talk it out with her and give her an oppertunity to explain herself. It is possible that she was embarrassed hence the email versus the phone call. But to at least ease your mind make the effort to find out WHY. Then decide if she is worth it or not!
Bumsie
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
Posted by CubanBride
Um, I am going to be the odd person and say before you get mad, talk to her. It's possible that something major happened that all of a sudden she cannot go. Yes, it ***** that she cannot go to the wedding, but remember, it's one day that isn't worth a friendship.
You should definitely talk to her and find out what happened. Telling her you wont be friends with her because she isn't able to make it to your wedding is a bit immature, don't ya think.
Having good friends means being a friend.
I hate when people jump on someone for being jealous or a bad person when we don't know the whole story. The email was a bad idea, but maybe she was ashamed or embarrased.
Very well said. I would definitely try to get to the bottom of it first before I tell her I won't speak to her again. Especially, if I'm aware that she does have financial issues. Maybe it was very difficult for her to call you knowing how much it meant to you, so she found an easier way out and sent you an e-mail. Keep in mind, the wedding will only be a few hours of one day. We need our friends a lot more often than just a few hours. Don't let this one thing ruin your years worth of friendship.
heather13
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
Somewhat similar situation happened to me 2 days ago.
All i can say is - try giving her a call and see what she says over the phone. It may help it may not, but then you'll at least have the peace of mind that you made an effort to reach out.
It's def. disappointing but at the end of the day its beyond your control. So I guess get mad, get disappointed, and then try and get over it since it's really up to her now - not you.
cjik
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
I would be angry too. What you do next depends upon how close you are and how much you value the friendship (if she's your BM, I'm assuming you're fairly close).
I would call her and see if something happened. Maybe she lost her job or her car died. If there is a legitmate problem, you might want to offer to loan or give her the money for the dress or the trip, or see if you can put her up with someone when she arrives. That's up to you though. Barring any big changes, I agree, she should have thought of the expenses before she agreed to be a bm.
Goldi1021
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
I would be angry but not at the fact that she cannot participate in your wedding, but by the mere fact that she could not pick up the phone and call you herself. I am sure she is plenty embarrassed that her financial situation stinks. E-mail serves a purpose but does not replace human contact and emotions. I think she demonstrated extreme cowardice.
nylibride
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
I agree with many things people have said. I would be SO hurt first, then probably get really angry. However, you guys need to TALK, not email. Email can be misconstrued in 1,000 different ways. Talk to each other if she is such a good friend and find out what's really up. There is no way that she can't afford to drive 3-4 hours to your wedding, especially if you're paying for her hotel. It's not like she's flying in from California. Ok, but that's irrelevant. There's obviously a larger issue here and the only way to resolve it is to talk to her and find out. If you really care about her, it's worth it.
music79
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
thank you so much for your advise and support. i will try and call her (she never answers her phone) i guess i went from hurt to mad very quickly and said somethings that i shouldn't have. but it really hurt that she couldn't call me. money issues are tough, but when i was in her wedding i spent tons of money that i didn't have(i only had a part time job and plenty of debt from college)...but i felt it was worth it to do everything that i could to be there for her special day...and i guess i just feel like i am not as important to her as she is to me. but then again i am jumping to conclusions again...
thanks again
heidla
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
Posted by CubanBride
Um, I am going to be the odd person and say before you get mad, talk to her. It's possible that something major happened that all of a sudden she cannot go. Yes, it ***** that she cannot go to the wedding, but remember, it's one day that isn't worth a friendship.
You should definitely talk to her and find out what happened. Telling her you wont be friends with her because she isn't able to make it to your wedding is a bit immature, don't ya think.
Having good friends means being a friend.
I hate when people jump on someone for being jealous or a bad person when we don't know the whole story. The email was a bad idea, but maybe she was ashamed or embarrased.
Very well said.
Gonnacatchapeacock
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
you have a right to be mad! But i'm in the same situation so I feel strongly about this topic.
My 'best friend' screwed me over. I should tell you my story....very similar :(
It's so hard NOT to be bitter about these things...wedding change people & relationships.... it happens to lots of people - Their true colors show through and you learn who cares about you and who doesnt....people have their own priorities...and I feel if they really truly care about you they will make every effort to be there for you...if they just don't care enough to make arrangements to do that...then screw them!
beautyq115
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
Its rude that she is backing out BUT to not have the you know what to call you is OBNOXIOUS!!!!
gNi1125
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
Posted by music79
i told her if she couldn't come to my wedding that was the end of our friendship....she then said i wish you happiness for your wedding and many years after........i can't believe that she was supposed to be one of my best friends, i am upset, hurt, mad etc.
there are so many things that can go wrong for a wedding your friends are the ones that are supposed to be there for you not CAUSE the trouble. Nice friend...huh
I told her (and another one of the bridesmaids) that we would help in any way, and then she said that she also got a new job that she can't take off from work...i don't know which it is. i just wish she would have called me. AND i am paying for the girls hotel rooms(the ones from out of town) as part of their BM presents. so i think it is all bu**s***
I'd be furious...umm...have a nice life!!!
ssbride05
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
so sorry to hear about this I hope it all works out for the best!
Sweetness
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
Posted by shamrock12472
I don't blame you for being upset but I don't think you should be mad. Maybe she was really trying to afford it and just can't. You never know what is really going on in someone else's life. If she really is a good friend, don't let this ruin that relationship.
I agree with that one. Call her and ask her why, and tell her to be honest with you. Maybe something came up that drained the money she had set aside for the wedding. YOu never know.
MRSJLK
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
yes you have everyright to feel that way...i had a BM back out for $$ reasons too and I was very upset about it - especially because I was just in her wedding and spent a fortune on her.
eogara
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Re: i am sooo mad!! would you be mad??
That is terrible, I can't believe she would EMAIL that to you!!!
BUT, once you get over the initial anger and hurt (which you are completely justified in feeling), you will probably discover that you do want her at your wedding anyway. Maybe, once some time passes, explain how much it hurt you that she couldn't even pick up the phone to explain this to you and that you really want her in the BP but it's most important that she's just there with you that day. Then I'd ask her if she wants to just step down from the BP and come as a guest so that all the rest of the financial responsibilities are pretty much cut out.
And if she says no to that, without a decent reason why, I'd seriously begin to question my friendship.
