I am Sooooo upset

Oh ....I am so upset. Only 21 days until wedding. FH and I just had a horrible fight.


Here is what it is about.....
Background: 2 yrs ago, FH brother got married. He was young, had little $, so FH chipped in a few thousand dollars for his little brother's wedding. (please keep in mind that FH is NOT a rich man, but gave his savings for this.)
Now it is 2 yrs later, and its our turn. My family is paying for our entire wedding. FH family not contributing anything, yet are inviting half the guest list.
Well, FH brother now complains that he has no money for a tux, so FH is paying for his tuxedo! AND, the brother says its the brides responsibility to pay for transportation for the FH family to come to NYC from Long Island ....(we are not paying for anyones transportation; as the bride and groom, we are not even paying for transportaion! ; we are having a city wedding and the majority of MY family is paying for plane tix from CA!!!!!!)
I am very resentful that FH paid for a great portion of his brother's wedding, yet his brother is crying poor (he's NOT that poor) and my FH Is giving in to it.
FH brother is a taker, not a giver.....this is not my nature...and FH is such a GIVER.....but all this giving, with nothing in return.....is making me resentful. It is eating me up inside.
I'm trying to just 'let it roll of my back....' but I just can't and I am so RESENTFUL. I don't want to be/feel this way....but I just can't help it.

im so sorry you feel this way!!! this is horrible i dont know what to tell you.... if you blow up on your FH and fight with him, you'll never get your point across....

'the brother says its the brides responsibility to pay for transportation for the FH family to come to NYC from Long Island ' - i CAN NOT BELIEVE he said that... brides responsibility??? umm first of all ive never heard of that, maybe in the 50's and 60's it was but were in 2007 ...he can take a train or can


hope you feel better

I've never heard of that either .... I think he's just making that up!!!

Amy I'm sorry to hear your dealing with this. I too would be pissed off. Their transportation is not your responsibility. Did he and his wife pay for you to go to his wedding? I'm sending you hugs : .

---

Posted by kbb1977

Amy I'm sorry to hear your dealing with this. I too would be pissed off. Their transportation is not your responsibility. Did he and his wife pay for you to go to his wedding? I'm sending you hugs : .

---

No.....I wasn't even invited/didn't go to the wedding b/c FH and I had only been dating a very short time at the time.....so I wasn't invited.

---

Posted by Future Mrs.

---

Posted by kbb1977

Amy I'm sorry to hear your dealing with this. I too would be pissed off. Their transportation is not your responsibility. Did he and his wife pay for you to go to his wedding? I'm sending you hugs : .

---

No.....I wasn't even invited/didn't go to the wedding b/c FH and I had only been dating a very short time at the time.....so I wasn't invited.

---

Well seeing as the brother needed to borrow money...I'm guessing that they did not or were unable to pay for guest transportation. As my mother always says, people will always try, you just have to smile and kindly reply no can do.

unfortunately theres not much you can do about family, we all learn that it is the family we're inherting once we marry that scares us

everything will be ok...let ur fh know that u love him and make up, its not worth the hassle.

Don't you love people who know of an event like xmas, bday or wedding 6 mo. to a year an advance and cry poverty at the last minute! I would just tell FH that you are stressed out and money always make it worse. But FH family will have to figure out own transportation because your family is tight because of paying for the WEDDING, but nicely. I know some people who do this on and off. Unfortunatley they are family and you are stuck with them. I know of one person in my immediate family that if they dont get some sort of bonus around the time of the wedding I will prob. not get a gift! OH well again family what can you do. Good Luck here are some hugs!

What an a$$ his brother is. The bride's family is not supposed to pay for transportation for any guests. I would tell your FBIL to stop being so cheap, and that if he wants his transportation paid for, he'll have to give your FH the $$ he paid for his wedding-so he can pay for his ride into the city.

that is horrible! Some people only think abot them selves! I'm sorry you have to deal with this! it is really hard to be diplomatic when you have given so much to the person who is being the problem!!! Sending you hugs!

awww...I am so sorry you're dealing with this so close to your wedding! I'm sure things are stressful enough! Maybe once things cool down you can sit down with your FH and explain why it makes you so upset??! Hope things get better for you really soon!!

Im sorry you have to deal with this so close to your wedding. I love when people agree to something and then cry poverty
Try not to let it get to you-and remember that he is NOT going to make your day wonderful-he will just be a small part of it in the grand scheme of things. If you let it get to you it will keep bothering you.
I know easier said then done but here are some maybe that wil help

I know you must feel crappy right now, so close to your wedding day and fighting over something that you feel at a loss of control over.
Unfortunately, when it comes to family issues like this it is not going to help to push your Fh to do something about the issue. Your giving FH is probably willing to give his bro the cash just to 'solve' the problem of the tuxes without seeing how this contributes to a bigger issue.
If your FBro-In Law has constantly been bailed out like this, he is going to expect it this time too and it is totally selfish and rude of him to make it a issue while you are planning a lovely wedding.

Def stick to your guns and do not pay for any type of transport. However, try to unerstand that fighting w/ your FH isn't going to fix his brother...only frustrated you guys more.
Have a talk with FH about what is going to happen AFTER you guys are married and the bro needs money. Let your generous FH know where you will be standing with lending out your combined finances to a selfish bro-in law that way you guys have a game plan for once you are married.

Hope this helps a little bit. If not, a massage and a glass of wine will! Feel better.

I am so sorry you had a huge fight, you don't need that now on to of all your other stress.
Let's be frank here how much are tuxedo's cmon!!! He is being ridiculous!!! So I am assuming if he has no $$ for a tux he will not have any for a gift either??!! If I were you I would be having the same feelings. Try not to let it make u and FH fight bc it seems to me he will always baby his baby brother. My Fh's family has helped with nothing and his witch sister has caused nothign but headaches!! Try your hardest to elt it roll of your back.

I hope it all works out!!

thanks everyone! I think it just helps me to see other people's responses and realize that my feelings are valid.
All this stuff sounds crazy to other people....but other brides to be can certainly relate. I really appreciate all this advice. I'll definitely use it.
(especially the one about the glass of wine!)