I don't know what to do??? Major VENT!!!

There's only a little less than 3 weeks until our wedding. Money is so bad right now with both our families, I don't know what to do? My dad got laid off again a little while ago, my mom got into a car accident, etc., nothing seems to be going right. We're already having problems paying for the large expenses, forget about the small stuff. My FI and I have bills we can barely pay for, we still need to purchase Wedding party gifts, not to mention a lot of other wedding stuff. Also, we still have to pay for honeymoon expenses that we don't have. I am so upset!!! Also, my mom keeps changing what she tells me, now she says any money she uses for the wedding, we have to pay her back with our wedding money. She's really giving us a hard time. Actually everyone is. These last few months have been nothing but grief. Everyone and everything has taken the excitement out of it. Now, we can't wait until it's over. I wish we had eloped! Seriously! I am so stressed... I have wedding nightmares everynight. I haven't slept. I do nothing but cry over this. I know it doesn't help, but I can't help it. Everyone keeps saying, well, use your money for your honeymoon, well, it's kind of hard because we live in NC, our wedding is up there. Most likely we'll be getting checks. We'll need the money right away, but there's no way we can pay for it, since our Bank is not in NY. Plus the checks have to clear anyway. I can't take it anymore... We need some help, and I don't know what to do. Thanks for listening, I really have no one to talk to besides my FI, and he's stressed enough himself. I really love this board.

Re: I don't know what to do??? Major VENT!!!

Melissa, first of all, don't cry. This is supposed to be the happiest time of your life!
I know its easier said than done, but please don't.
Weddings are sooo expensive!! We are paying every single dime of our wedding ourselves. The only thing that was purchased for me was my gown. My mom bought it for me.
Our wedding, honeymoon, wedding bands etc totals $40k., and we still aren't done yet. This is why we are having our wedding in May instead of this September like we orignially planned. We are proud to be paying ourselves, plus we pay all of our expenses now (we live together) and we have 3 cars. We also still go out to sushi dinners, our favorite steak place , go fishing (i LOVE it!) and we still shop. We pushed the wedding up to May but didn't have to give up the good things in life either!
Anyway, what I suggest, and I know this isn't the smartest way to do it, but if in an emergency, try either putting it on your credit card or try for a bank loan. This of course will have to be paid back, same as what your mom said, but at least you guys will get everything paid for. After the wedding and honeymoon, you can repay this small loan and start your new life. This way you don't have to depend on anyone!
I wish you & your parents well....

Re: I don't know what to do??? Major VENT!!!

so sorry to hear melissa!

I agree wth Jennbaby. Perhaps you can get a wedding loan from a bank this way it will all be paid off for the time being and you won't stress or fight with your parents. You can pay it back little by little after the wedding or use the money you are getting from the wedding as part of the payments.

Good luck! I know these stresses all too well. Each time my mom and I fight she holds the money she is putting in over my head and tells me that I dont desserve it. Ghees! Read my post about annoying parents and you will see what I mean!

If anything, I hope you know that you are not the only one out here that is having nightmare problems with a wedding that will be taking place soon. Just remember, you will be so happy on your wedding day that this will all seem sa far away and insignificant!

good luck!
Kelly

Re: I don't know what to do??? Major VENT!!!

mbna has a special wedding loan, we have one.

Re: I don't know what to do??? Major VENT!!!

melissa, we are all in the same boat. most of us are paying ourselves. take the pressure off and take out a loan - we didnt' have to (yet!), but I know that we are too deep in to get out now, so you have to just go with it. Take a deep breath. We are all young and can restructure and rebudget after the wedding. A year from now it will be like it never happened.Good luck and stay calm!

Re: I don't know what to do??? Major VENT!!!

Do you own a house? If so you can get a 5% or so line of credit and there are places with no closing costs. It's great because it should be tax deductable (I would think) and you can pay it back after the wedding. I heard good things about IPI Skyscraper Mortgage. I think they are national. I have their number since I was considering this also.516-997-1234. Or you can call any lender and see if you can get help with your house or a parents house. Even if it's only 5-10K that would help a lot. Good luck.

Re: I don't know what to do??? Major VENT!!!

Melissa I am sooo sorry that you are under so much strain. Have you discussed your feelings with your FH yet? You both should try to figure this out together. A bank loan is not a bad idea. It can help you feel a lot less stress. Try to stay away from the credit cards though, since the interest is sooo high.
I think you should try to put off your honeymoon for a month or two. Lots of couples do that. It is not a 'bad' thing to do. It doesn't mean less and you will have some time to breath and catch up after the wedding.
Also get small gifts for the bridal party- I am sure they will understand. Don't host a big RD. Just do a small thing at one of the parents houses. Get 3 hot dishes and a few apps., and cake. People do not except as much as we except from outselves.

Re: I don't know what to do??? Major VENT!!!

Melissa, your wedding is only 3 weeks away sweetie..you have gotten this far, don't lose it now! My wedding is next August and I am already starting to stress and have fights over the big day. Like Kelly, my mother also holds money 'over my head.' I feel like this is a financial burden on our parents, who are footing half the bill. This will be a year of walking on eggshells with my mother...the smallest fight we have turns into a big guilt trip and she threatens to take back the money her and my father gave us. I think if you can pay for the whole shabang yourself then you deserve a lot of credit. Weddings are ridiculously expensive, most couple do need some financial help, whether it be parents or a loan. Like everyone else, I think a loan is a great idea..we are thinking of doing the same thing. I'm sorry that you are stressed but after the wedding you will feel much better, trust me. Don't cry, try to enjoy this time and smile! Good Luck..

Re: I don't know what to do??? Major VENT!!!

So - you are in over your head. You are not the first bride and groom to be in this position and you surely will not be the last.

The only thing you can do now is try to minimize the financial damage. Figure out exactly what you owe. Review all your wedding expenses - CUT Out Everything That is Not Necessary. Most importantly Stop Spending Now! I know I may sound insensitive about the spending but there are tons of 'little things' that you can end up spending a ton of additional money on in the last few weeks. - You dont need them. You will have a wonderful day with your family, friends and the man you love even if you give up the extras.

There are a lot of promotional 0% interest credit cards out right now. Some of them have cash advance features. Try for one of those before looking at a loan with interest.

Best of luck to you.

Re: I don't know what to do??? Major VENT!!!

you do have options...

1. delay your honeymoon...you may lose some money...but than you don't have to stress

2. a loan will take a lot of stress off you now (but remember it may add stress to your marriage later

3. elope...you would lose your deposits, but decrease your stress...and maybe if you mention that option to your parents they will change their tune...

good luck with everything

Re: I don't know what to do??? Major VENT!!!

Melissa, I am so sorry that things haven't gotten earier financially. Especially after all of teh juggling you did a few months ago.

I have to say I respectfully disagree with the loan/credit card suggestions. Or at least, I would put that as a last resort. Maybe you can review your contracts and see if there is anything you can cut out to save money. I know it will be disappointing to give up some things you have your heart set on. I hate having to stay within my also very tight budget. But I try to put it in perspective this way - I don't want to still be paying for something a year after the wedding that I am going to think was not even necessary.

If you really can't bring youself to cut ay corners, then I agree with the suggestion that you postpone your honeymoon and don't go too crazy with your BP gifts.

I really think that a small loan should be your last resort. Good luck and please keep us updated! Remember that the most important thing is that you and your FI will be getting married and starting your new life together

Re: I don't know what to do??? Major VENT!!!

Melissa,

So sorry to hear you are going through this. We have also been in the same boat. After we booked many of the vendors for our wedding, I lost my job and we took quite a hit. We have been struggling for months to put money away for the wedding. I have been working since January, but the few months that I didnt really hurt.

Both of our parents are giving us money, but my parents are kind of strapped financially. We were supposed to get a certain amount from his Mom and she gave him the check today and it is $2000 less than what we thought. So we are kind of in a bad spot again. I just cant stress over it now though with my wedding 3 1/2 weeks away. I know things will work out.

Maybe you guys could scale some things back if you have to and cut some corners or like everybody else said postpone your honeymoon. Personally I wouldnt elope and lose your deposits, that is like throwing money out the window. But whatever you have to do you have to do.

Sorry I couldnt give you much advice, but just wanted to let you know that I sympathize with you...good luck with everything!