I don't know how I should feel.....

Ok, normally, I do not think aboutt his EVER because there's no reason to, but I have been a lot lately. My parents have given JT and I a very generous amount of money for our wedding. While it does not cover the cost of the wedding completely, they have also allowed for us to live with them for VERY LITTLE rent so we could save the remainder of the money. So in essence, they're giving a whole lot more than the monetary value. On the other hand, we have JT's parents. JT's parents are not giving us anything. Not a cent, not a dime, not an anything....and somehow, this has never been contested. JT never even got a chance to ASK them if they could help us out even a little with anything because they already threw in our faces that they will have nothing to do with our wedding monetarily. I can't say I was surprised by this, but what DOES surprise me is the fact that his mother wants a say about everything with the wedding. I avoid her and ignore her, but I feel like, who the hell are YOU to even talk to me about my wedding that you claimed you wanted nothing to do with? I feel so resentful lately towards his family, so much so that I won't go to their house becuase I'm afraid I will blow up in their faces.
I just feel like my parents are bending over backwards to help JT and I start our new lives together and they are doing NOTHING. I know there's nothing I can do about it, and this is not about money, but I just don't understand how you can NOT support your own son?
I'm just so mad at them. And his mother has the nerve to b!tch at JT that no one ever does anything for her! WHY would we EVER doing anything for HER? She has NEVER done anything for US. I MOVED TO MASSACHUSETTS to help support HER son when he was in college because SHE TOLD HIM she would never help him again if he went away to college. And she wants to know why WE don't help HER? I just don't want these people in our lives. I know I have no choice, but I honestly think I hate his mother. His father I can deal with, but his mother, I truly think I hate her. I'm a terrible person for saying that, but god it feels good to have said it. I REALLY needed to get all of that off my chest. I try not to think about it ever because I get so angry and intense about it, but I was ready to explode. So thank you for letting me vent.

I just don't understand how you can completely care less about your childrens' future and lives, yet want to control every aspect of it?! That makes NO sense. I just have no respect for someone who talks sh!t about her own daughter to ME, her future daughter-in-law! She tells me how lazy JT's sister is, what a bad mother she is, etc. Which is completely NOT true! She also marks down the days we come to see her and then complains that it's not enough! And I know it's JT's mother, but I don't know why he can't cut the ties? I mean, this woman lives to make our lives miserable, yet he is like a loyal dog and won't leave her side. He FEARS her. WHAT FOR? I mean really. God, I'm so angry. I hate feeling this way.

Don't ever ask how you 'should' feel - you feel the way you feel, period. Emotions are one thing you cannot, and should not, control - only your reaction to them.

Vent away here...at this point, that may be the best option. FMILs suck, there's no question about it.

I understand how you feel.

I think that you and JT should read the book, 'Crucial Converastions'...

The more you ignore her, the more you hate her because you never said anything TO HER to make her STOP tormenting you...

But, the answer is NOT to blow up in her face, but to have an open and honest conversation about the fact that you think since there is no financial input on her end, there should not be decision making input either...

you should call me..... we could go back and forth about our FMILs. OMG.. isnt it amazing?? my FMIL calls us literally no less than 4 times a night, on a weekend, i am not kidding like 10. SERIOUSLY!!!

If you ever need to vent - Im here. i know this may sound selfish of me, but i am happy knowing i am not the only one going through this!!!! although, i am sorry that you do !!! its tough, terrible, and annoying. UGH

jennifer

I'm so sorry you are so angry at her, but you are also angry at him. What does she have over him that he is so scared of her? There must be something.

Can you open up that discussion with him or my guess is that you have tried.

Keep in mind, nobody can take away your love and your special bond with him.

I am sorry for you and JT. You two are lucky that you have your set of parents who are supportive they sound awesome and so giving.
I know what you mean about unwanted input just ignore it. ( it sucks)
I also know what you are saying with the whole resentment thing but try to over look it to have piece of mind for yourself.
It sucks to always have to be the better person- but it may make it easier for your fiance. You always have us here :)

I won't explain what we'v been through (heck going through...) but we're in a VERY VERY similar situation. I know it's tough but you have to believe that this will all work out for the best. FM m if you ever want to talk!

I completely understand how you feel. FH's mother (his dad died when he was 9) claims poverty. However, she doesn't miss a beat to demand her name put on the invitation. Ok, that's fine, I gave her that - but then she demanded to be put as Mrs. Jane Doe, and not Mrs. John Doe (since she's a widow). That was one of the 1st things that enraged me. WHO ARE YOU to tell ME what to put on the invitations!?

The best part... WHY did she tell us, like 3 weeks ago, that she plans on going away two weeks after our wedding for a month!??? Ms. Broke, I thought you had no $$$$$$$$$$$$!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Argh! In-laws!

All I can say is you have to put up with it. Kudos in keeping away knowing that you might blow up. Maybe you can have FH talk to his mom about it though. I just dropped any monetary issues I had with FH's mom... wasn't worth it to me. It's not like I'll be living with the woman, ya know?

Unfortunately i am in somewhat of the same predicament. My FH's mother
(parents are divorced) pretty much has had NO involvement in our wedding.
She is low on cash but she is a VERY creative/artsy person and wheni hinted
about her h elping me out with the BM's baskets and ther program baskets..
She igonred me completely. AND this woman has the NERVE to call
and complain about who isn't invited to the wedding and bridal shower!

I try to ignore it but when she calls it is ONLY to complain about something and i feel
that she should shut the hell up unless she is willing to be apart of the
planning

Try not to let this spoil your mood

I have to give JT credit, though. He really has come a long way with her. We've had the 'heart to heart' discussions with her and they just go over her head. She LIKES being this way. She knows how she is and does not think that she needs to change anything. I really should not be upset with JT because it IS his mother and he can't change that. He totally understands how I feel and he shares my feelings, but this is who he is. He does not want to cut ties with his mother, and I can understand that. All I can say is THANK GOD he did not inherit his mohter's personality. She's just volatile. If I told you even some of the stories about her, you would be just as enraged as I am, trust me. Ugh. I just have such a blob of emotions. Anger towards her for being the monster she is, sympathy for JT because his parents are evil towards him, etc. I mean, JT's told me that my parents are more his parents than his real ones will ever be. How terrible that must feel And in the long run, I think that's what is upsetting me the most. This is the man I love and will spend the rest of my life with, and I just feel so protective of him and I just hate that his is his family. He's such a good, loving, sensitive, caring, ambitious person, yet these are the people who call themselves his parents. It's frustrating.

how you can completely care less about your childrens' future and lives, yet want to control every aspect of it?!

My mother is like that. Some people have no happiness of their own, and try to destroy it when they see others have it.

---

Posted by brooklynbridezilla



how you can completely care less about your childrens' future and lives, yet want to control every aspect of it?!

My mother is like that. Some people have no happiness of their own, and try to destroy it when they see others have it.

---

This is exactly his mother. Miserable. And you know what they say about misery loving company





And I would like to add a HUGE THANK YOU to all of you who have responded to this. I'm sorry to those of you who are going through the same thing. It really does suck. Thanks for listening and sharing your own crappy situations

oh honey I know exactly how you feel....I went through the exact same thing with FHs parents.....on top of his parents are separated ....so his mom got a new place and was putting all this money into her apartment, when all of it really wasn't necessary...and then she had the nerve to say I have no money ...I need help...

I felt exactly like you...I wanted to blow up....scream I hate u I hate u...the nerve of u to ask me anything about the wedding....its ur sons wedding...don't u want to help out...

but I didnt do that...to make a looooooooong story short.... manny mannyy months have gone by and I finally blew up ...at my FH about it....I was venting to my mom prior to this...bc my parents were struggling to pay for everything, put their needs on hold to help us...and just like ur parents we're staying with them and paying almost nothing for rent....

well when I finally blew up at FH,...he at first thought at I had lost my mind...he tends to think that when i blow up.....if I keep something in for too long and I just let it out....its an explosion

Anyhow...when he finally understood my frustration and how hurt i was and how much my parents were struggling....he called up each of his parents individually and talked to them about it....

Now remember his parents are separated...so their is money has already been split... (sad I know) ...but his dad was able to give us 5k of his money which went straight to the hall....and his mom will be giving us another 5k this october...so I'll have it for my november payment.....

its sad that it came down to that to get them to help....but it had to be done.... Needless to say on my last visit to his family (they live in FL)...I got a long with his mom much better....guess once all that anger I had was gone, I was more at ease....

so my advice is hang in there, but talk to ur FH....see if he can get thru to them...if they cant help with that part....see if they'll pay for the rehearsal dinner....just something...

Best of Luck to you...sorry i rambled for so long...but ur story hit close to home...

Ughhhh, Rach
I know this may sound harsh, but I say the less you have to do with this woman the better you'll be. She sounds like she just wants to drag everyone down and that's not what you need at this time in your life.
How did JT turn out so normal

All I can do is

Unfortunately, it seems that weddings sometimes bring out the worst in people. It's a stressful time, but it sounds like you have the support of your man. That matters a lot. I wish you the best of luck with this situation.