I Don't Know If I Want to Marry My Fiance Anymore

I Don't Know If I Want to Marry My Fiance Anymore

He's just not dependable. Tomorrow's the first time I have to make Thanksgiving dinner for his family, and I kept saying to please be home early today to help me with preparing things and cleaning the apartment. And he went to the bar with his friends/co-workers after work and only came home around 7:30 at which time all my slaving was nearly over b/c I left work at 3:30 which is when he gets out of work. Now we were fighting, and we only started talking around 9. He already went to bed at 10 b/c he said he didn't feel well, and I really wanted to spend time with him tonight, yet he was fine enough to go out with his friends, drinking. I'm just upset that it was really important that he help me out, and he kept saying a hundred times he would, and he wouldn't. I just don't want to be with someone I can't depend on, and I don't know what to do.

Re: I Don't Know If I Want to Marry My Fiance Anymore

No advice, but . Try not to stress, wait until after thanksgiving, and TALK to him about how you feel.

Re: I Don't Know If I Want to Marry My Fiance Anymore

You and FH are the only ones who can decide what to do. Wait until you calm down - and he is awake and feeling better, and let him know how upset and disappointed you were when he did not keep his word. Talk it out with him and see if you can resolve it. In your heart you will know what to do. Don't rush into any decisions - try to work through things.

Re: I Don't Know If I Want to Marry My Fiance Anymore

Definitely talk it over with him and explain how you were counting on him and how it hurts you that he did not keep his word. Is this the first time that he has done something like this? If this seems to be common, maybe a relationship counselor would help.

Re: I Don't Know If I Want to Marry My Fiance Anymore

Hmmmm....his behavior makes me question how old he is....

But then again, sometimes guys are thick. Maybe he really didn't get how it important it was for him to be there tonight. He may have also been 'rebelling' a little bit. But all these maybe's get you no where.... you need to TALK TALK TALK to him and figure out what happened tonight. I don't blame you for thinking what you're thinking -- you are right to assume that if he is not dependable now, he won't be after the wedding either. But talk to him before you jump to any conclusions. Good luck!

Re: I Don't Know If I Want to Marry My Fiance Anymore

Everyone has given some go advice to you already. I think you are thoughts are distracted right now, since you are still in the heat of the moment. Cool down and definitely talk it out with him. Tell him all you concerns and worries. Make him realize how much his actions are affecting you. It will all work out

Re: I Don't Know If I Want to Marry My Fiance Anymore

Thanks, I guess I will wait till tomorrow to talk to him. It's just sometimes he really makes me mad. He's 25, and he goes out to the bar with his friends like at least twice a week. I feel like that's so immature.

Re: I Don't Know If I Want to Marry My Fiance Anymore

I definately think you should wait, to sort things out. After all you are making a life-altering decision. Let him know how you feel, about him going out all the time.

Not that I am on his side, but sometimes its a work thing - I think they call it 'networking'.
At my job, I also go out to bars after, because I almost feel like i have to, otherwise you get left out, and not just in personal sence but in business sence as well. Also, its a good way to let off some work steam.
If it really bothers you, you should talk to him... but him going out to bars may not be out of childish behavior.

Hope things work out.!.

Re: I Don't Know If I Want to Marry My Fiance Anymore

I don't think you're really ready to just end things, are you? Sounds like this was just a spat. I understand it was important for you for him to be home TONIGHT, but I don't see anything wrong with going out with friends twice a week...My FH and love to go out with friends--both together and without each other. IT's important for us to have friends besides one another. I don;t think it's immature.

Anyway, have a wonderful Thanksgiving!! Relax and enjoy...and make him clean up

Re: I Don't Know If I Want to Marry My Fiance Anymore

Re: I Don't Know If I Want to Marry My Fiance Anymore

I agree with you violet that it is immature behavior. But I also agree with all the other ladies when they say you need to TALK TALK TALK to him and communicate your feelings. When he goes out with friends and makes it enough of a priority that he doesn't do something you ask him to do, there is an issue. You should defintely talk to him and tell him how his actions affect you.....JMO

Re: I Don't Know If I Want to Marry My Fiance Anymore

Thanks for the input. I guess I'll talk to him tomorrow. I get so frustrated sometimes. I do tell him these things, and he usually tells me that I like to complain.

Re: I Don't Know If I Want to Marry My Fiance Anymore

i can relate. no need to find someone else b/c all men are basically the same. don't worry there will be a time when he would want you to return the favor (by leaving work early) and guess where you should go what i do to my FH, i tell him what you do to me i will return the favor. i know a lot of people will say 2 wrongs do not make it right, but in my life w/ my FH it works fine. he thinks twice before he reacts b/c he knows i will return the favor. men think they are the smarter sex, but in actually they are not.

Re: I Don't Know If I Want to Marry My Fiance Anymore

Re: I Don't Know If I Want to Marry My Fiance Anymore

I agree with the other ladies . . .

Re: I Don't Know If I Want to Marry My Fiance Anymore

Re: I Don't Know If I Want to Marry My Fiance Anymore

Well, I agree you need to talk to him, but at this point, not so sure how it will work. It sounds like your FH is just extremely immature. I say this because I had similar problems with JT a while back. Although he wasn't going out to bars, he was wasting money on crap, then complaining we were broke. I would talk my head off with him, but it never seemed to work. He ALWAYS missed the point. I was so frustrated I thought I was going to strangle him! Then I told my mother what was going on, and she gave me the best advice. She said, think about what kind of person JT is, now think about all of the great things about him. Then she told me to think about whether or not his behavior of basically ignoring me fit into the kind of person he is, or does it just seem like he's still immature and not ready to understand. Well, it was the latter. He wasn't a bad person, just stupid and immature, and she said that I could either leave all of the good things that I have found in him, OR I could stay, keep talking to him about it, but maybe backing off a little, and wait for him to mature. Well, obviously I loved him too much to let his immaturity get in the way of our future, and as soon as I backed off a little, he became WAY more focused on our future. Now he yells at ME for spending money when I shouldn't be! Well, I don't know if that helped at all, but I think sometimes guys REALLY DO mature a lot later than us wiser women You can't change a person. You can only tell them how you feel and let it be. You guys will face a lot of issues in the future. Look at this as practice for all the other crap he will do to annoy you in the future!

Re: I Don't Know If I Want to Marry My Fiance Anymore

I really don't know what to say except sometimes things are hard. My FI and I went through a time(I call it 'the cold feet stage') when all he was doing was going out with his friends night after night. It got to a point where his parents and myne got involved. We both live together and I think that pressure of marriage got to him. Its only normal to go through stints.
My mother gave me a little advice also- She said marriage doesn't make your relationship any better, its harder, and alot of work... And some/most men are not the type to sit down like us women and say' I have alot of pressure and I need to vent'. They just do.
Good Luck and if you want it to work you will make it work...

Re: I Don't Know If I Want to Marry My Fiance Anymore

hmmmm... sounds like there are bigger issues here. Is this one circumstance really enough for you to have these types of serious doubts? I suspect not. If I were you I'd think long and hard about how you feel about your upcoming wedding and talk to your FH as well. If you want some one that is dependable and going to be there and do what you want, and your FH isn't that way you have two options, 1) accept it- because people don't change and learn to love him for himself and his faults or 2) move on and find someone who is everything you want (but I have to tell you, there is no one out there that is faultless.

In any respect, everything will work out. Good luck.

Re: I Don't Know If I Want to Marry My Fiance Anymore

same advice here as the others..... sit that boy down and have a chat with him.