I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

Original post by Noonie

May 28, 2006 10:44 PM

A few of you read & replied to my post on BHB the other day about how I've been so down lately & I just don't care about anything anymore, and now I am questioning the whole marriage thing.

FH & I used to be like best friends & I cracked him up & all we did was laugh & laugh, bu now, all he seems to do is tell me everything I'm doing wrong. I'm not stupid, I know that weddings bring on a lot of pressure & sometimes people bicker because of that, but I think we've fought more in the last 3 months than we did during our entire 4 year relationship.

Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like? Is it true what everyone is telling me? That everything changes after the honeymoon? Because I'd gladly give back the $$$ that my parents have already laid out for this wedding if this is what I've got to look forward to.

It's like he's turned into a completely different guy. Always yelling at me & telling me that I'm annoying him. Just tonight we had such a ridiculous argument that I got in my car & drove for like an hour out east. I made it all the way past Middle Island when I got tired & figured I should turn around & head home.

When I got home, he was outside smoking a cigarette & said, 'Do you want to talk?' And I didn't want to. So I came up here on the computer & started writing to you girls. What should I do? I don't even want to sleep in the same room as him. Should I sleep up here or go downstairs & talk to him?

Sorry this is so long & winded, but I'm seriously questioning why he even wants to marry me if he thinks I'm so annoying. Please, if you're reading this, help me out. Should I try to talk to him tonight or just go to sleep up here?

Noonie Posted: May 30, 2006 08:43 AM

Re: I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......UPDATED

Hi everyone. So, yesterday wasn't that much better. It wasn't until last night around 12:00 midnight that we started laying everything out in the open. We talked for like 2 hours & it really helped. Turns out he feels pressure because we need to find a place to live & he thinks the prices are ridiculous (which, they are!)

We currently live in my parents house in the basement. It's 1 room with no place to even put a chair!!!! We have nowhere to go- Anyway I turn, he's in my face. So, I let him know how it's killing me that we're gonna come home from the honeymoon back to that 1 room & it makes me sick! I want to start my life with him as husband & wife! All of the stuff we got at my shower is sitting upstairs in my old room just collecting dust.

So, we're doing much better now. And we love making up Sorry, TMI? And it's perfect timing too becuse tomorrow we have our photo shoot with Duet!! It's always so mushy after a big fight & then making up. Am I right? or am I right?!\
But thanks everyone who gave me some great advice during this whole mess. Have a great day girls! I know I will!!!!

cherish83 Posted: May 30, 2006 09:08 AM

Re: I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

I'm glad you resolved your issues... Guys are different when they are under stress.. they bottle everything inside and take it out on us.... try to never go to sleep angry at eachother. I've found that helps a lot.

debsey75 Posted: May 30, 2006 09:14 AM

Re: I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

Give him credit for asking you if you want to talk. IMO he cares enough about you to ask if you want to talk.
Maybe the annoying comments are coming from him because the wedding planning is overwhelming for him or maybe he feels left out.
Talk to him and let him know how you feel and that his comments are hurting you.
Good luck,

R&J0806 Posted: May 30, 2006 09:29 AM

Re: I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

go talk to him. have you told him that you're getting cold feet?

FH & I were fighting a lot and that's what I told him (and I really did feel similiar to you.) In the 8 years we've been together, we've never fought the way we have since we've been engaged. It didn't really help that his mother was making me miserable (as many, many of my posts have explained) and he didn't want anything to do with it.

One day during a review with my boss, she asked how wedding plans were going and i burst into tears. She's a great person and gave me some really fantastic advice then told me to leave early to have the rest of the day to relax and talk to Justin. And that's exactly what I did.

I told him that he had to listen to everything, stayed general but told him how his mom was affecting me (it's been too much to give every example) and told him about the cold feet thing. I'm so glad I talked to him. Things really did get better after that and he's back to being the sweetheart that I know. And, the next time his mother gave me a hard time, he stepped in and spoke on my behalf.

REally...go talk to him. You'll feel so much better.

greenfreak Posted: May 30, 2006 09:33 AM

Re: I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

Noonie, I came upon this thread too late but I have to say that I'm glad and proud of both of you.

We've had some similar situations like this over the years and have let things blow up, let our pride get in the way, and not talk about it immediately.

But we have a rule, something we promised each other years ago that has really worked well for us. We never EVER go to bed angry.

It's hard to put down your pride and try to talk about it, believe me, I know! But no one should take the place of talking to your husband, not even us. The good stuff is easy. The bad stuff is the true test of how well you communicate, compromise, and work things out together. It takes practice to fight well!

We really try to stop during the worst of an argument, take a deep breath, and put down the anger so we can have a constructive conversation. It's so freakin hard to do when your feelings are hurt. But I consider how much I love him and that we'll be spending the rest of our lives together, so we should get it right.

I'm glad you're doing better and could identify the 'outside influences' that are causing the rift. When you realize it's not the other person, just how the other person is reacting to stress, it makes it easier, doesn't it?