I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

A few of you read & replied to my post on BHB the other day about how I've been so down lately & I just don't care about anything anymore, and now I am questioning the whole marriage thing.

FH & I used to be like best friends & I cracked him up & all we did was laugh & laugh, bu now, all he seems to do is tell me everything I'm doing wrong. I'm not stupid, I know that weddings bring on a lot of pressure & sometimes people bicker because of that, but I think we've fought more in the last 3 months than we did during our entire 4 year relationship.

Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like? Is it true what everyone is telling me? That everything changes after the honeymoon? Because I'd gladly give back the $$$ that my parents have already laid out for this wedding if this is what I've got to look forward to.

It's like he's turned into a completely different guy. Always yelling at me & telling me that I'm annoying him. Just tonight we had such a ridiculous argument that I got in my car & drove for like an hour out east. I made it all the way past Middle Island when I got tired & figured I should turn around & head home.

When I got home, he was outside smoking a cigarette & said, 'Do you want to talk?' And I didn't want to. So I came up here on the computer & started writing to you girls. What should I do? I don't even want to sleep in the same room as him. Should I sleep up here or go downstairs & talk to him?

Sorry this is so long & winded, but I'm seriously questioning why he even wants to marry me if he thinks I'm so annoying. Please, if you're reading this, help me out. Should I try to talk to him tonight or just go to sleep up here?

Re: I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

Go talk to him.....


FH and I had a huge fight the other night, and we rarely fight.. But I work midnights and had to leave for work right after the fight. We didn't get to talk and it drove me nuts ALL night.... Talk.. It will make you feel better.. Good luck!

Re: I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

definitely go and talk to him...you won't resolve anything if you dont speak. you'll have to talk eventually so make it sooner rather than later. i'm sorry you're feeling so sad...

Re: I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

I think you should go talk to him or else you are going to be driving yourself nuts! Your wedding is very close and crunch time brings a lot of arguments so it may just be wedding anxiety! Wedding pressure can bring out the worst in people. I think you should go talk to him about things.. it may just make you feel a lot better!!

Re: I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

That's the thing, normally I'd rather talk it out, but now I'm just tired of it all. I don't even know what I would say to him because I'm so numb.

Re: I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

then let him talk and see what he has to say. go downstairs and just tell him what you just said to us. see how he reacts to that...

Re: I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

oh no! Definitely go talk to him. I think its always better to try to resolve things before going to sleep. It might be a long talk, but you know what, the both of you will probably feel much better after talking.

Re: I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

If you are still up, please go downstairs and talk to him. Let him do the talking and just listen. It is better to get things out in the open now rather than bottle them up for later.

People NEVER say how stressful planning a wedding is, they just focus on the positives, but it IS stressfull. Moreover, you are not just planning one day, you are planning for the rest of your lives. It is not just happily ever after. If you think you might benefit by premarital counseling then do so. It could be through your religious leader or someone else.

Re: I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

Alright, I'm gonna do it. I'm going to just go down there & see what he says. Because honestly, I really do not want to talk. I'm sick of it already. I'm always willing to talk things through & get to the bottom of the issue, but it doesn't matter anymore. I could talk it through & we'll be fine for 1/2 a day & then BAM! Somehow, we're fighting again. SO I feel like it's pointless.

But, I'm going to give it a try again anyway. I'll just try not to get hysterical again. Wish me luck & I'll let you know the update.

Re: I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

Re: I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

You need to talk to him. Communication is the only way to fix things. Good luck.

Re: I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

I'm sorry you are going through this. But I have to say go with what your gut feelings are. If you feel that things are bad and will only get worse, then it is not to late to either get out, or cancel the wedding for now, until everything can be worked out. But you MUST talk to your FH about this. Things will only go from bad to worse once you are married, unless you settle any doubts, worries ect. now, before the wedding. Don't just push your feelings to the back of your mind, hopeing things will just work themselves out. Do what is best for you and him in the long run. Good luck. You'll be in my thoughts.

Re: I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

Please sleep on it. Don't say anything out of anger. My FH and I went through something similar. About a year before we got engaged. We were already engaged. WE has a baby and everything. The situation was not good he would yell and act very annoyed with me. Constantly correct me. making me feel very dumb. ( Not saying you do this) But I packed my bags. I was dead serious about leaving him. Well needless to say he got himself together. He didn't want to see me leave. He really did make a turnaround. We have had no major problems like that in a year. But like you i questioned' Should I marry someone who has such constant issue with me. I found later that he wasn't doing as well money wise as he wanted. He sadly took it out in me. I told him that would not go down in our home anymore and It does not. Ask him 'what is really going on here' That's if you really want an answer. It might surprise you. What is really bothering him. Men get nervous about big commitments. Remember you will be his wife sometimes you have to hold him and let him know you are here for him.

Re: I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

Did you wind up talking to him last night?

Re: I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

I hope you talked to him, best of luck !!!!!!

Re: I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

Yeah, I went downstairs & he was like, 'Hey, I'm going to 7-11, you want anything.'
He acted like nothing was wrong, & I didn't really know what was going on. So, I just played along & said, 'No thank you.' When he came back, he was trying to tell me all these problems he had with me (He thinks I twist things in my mind to make it work to my advantage) Which I do NOT do! Usually, the times that he thinks I am acting nasty towards him, is only in his mind. I'm oblivious to him thinking I'm angry, & then I say something & he takes it like an attack. But I don't have any negative thoughts in my head when I talk to him....It's just that he thinks I'm thinking something else in my head, when really- I'm just going along with the day.

I just don't understand how he can know me for all of these years & then all of a sudden think that I'm this crazy lunatic snotty biotch!!

Maybe it's because all of the people he talks to tell him, 'Oh, don't do it man. Don't get married, they all turn out to be crazy after the honeymoon.' I'm so not like that! I don't know, do I just assume it's the stress of the wedding or should I come to terms with the fact that he thinks I'm turning into someone I'm not. I'm telling you girls, it's all in his head(the things he thought I was implying about him) It's really getting to the point where I just want to go to sleep all day.

Re: I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

Yeah, sometimes you have to be careful who they're talking to. If he's talking to happily married men, that's good, if he's talking to single, or WORSE, divorced men, probably bad. Have you actually said 'I've been having second thoughts because of the way you're acting lately?' From what you've said you have had a really strong 4 year relationship, so for all this to come up before your weding it does sound like 'cold feet'/wedding stress. I think a long talk about exactly what your thinking would be great for you guys.

Re: I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

Dawn, it sounds like normal wedding stresses....I hope you guys talked it out....keep us posted.

Re: I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......

i just wanted to make sure everything was okay with you...

please keep us posted so we know you are okay

Re: I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake, but......