I don't know what to do...

This is going to be long, but I figured May brides might know my situation better

My family is in Ireland. We are getting married here ,and my parents are having a second party in Ireland in the summer. The party in Ireland will be catered in my parents back garden. I won't be wearing a wedding dress, and there won't be a ceremony, etc.

Because of this I decided not to invite any cousins from Ireland to the wedding. I am inviting my aunts and uncles only.

BUT I have one cousin who used to live here, and moved back home. She has been in touch with my sister asking about accomodations for the wedding, as if she were coming. I don't mind if she comes, but if I invite one cousin, I feel I need to invite all of them - probably 30 - 35 in total, and I do not wan tto get into a situation where we invite them and hope they don't come. Thats why I excluded them in the first place.

I really don't know what to do. Can we afford it? Probably, but its so late in the game, I just don't know what to do.

Can I invite one cousin? Will the others get annoyed / hurt? Do I invite all the cousins? Or maybe just the eldest one?
If I invite the cousins, do I also invite them to the party in the summer? I guess we were using the summer party as a way to include them, but not invite them. Plus if we invite them, will they feel obliged to come? If the cousins get an invite to the wedding and know there will be another party in Ireland, will that affect their decision...

Not to mention - I have no more invitations !!
And, as out of town gests, they will probably be at the rehearsal....

We (FH & I ) need to sleep on this one, but any advice / insight would be great.

Thanks for reading

We're having the same setup as you. We're getting married here and my fiance's family is in Australia. Fortunately, his family is small.

Well, the rule is that if you invite one, you'd have to invite all of your first cousins. Not necessarily all of your cousins.

Helen, I know what you mean about cousins.
John is Irish and he has 26 cousins, and we had to invite them all to our wedding!
Invite your 1 cousin to the wedding here and have the rest at your party in Ireland. I am sure they'd understand, pass the word (or have your parents explain) you can't afford them all and this is part of the reason for the party in Ireland.

Jenn
Here's the problem, we can afford them, but they weren't part of the overall plan....just toto much work, etc. call me selfish............I just don't want to deal with it.

My problem is - who am I offending with each option?

I would DEFINITELY do what Tracy says. Have your parents explain that there are 2 parties, one for here, one for Ireland, that way they won't feel left out.
As for the ONE cousin, if you're extremely close to her, and she will be offended, invite her ONLY.
Don't feel the need to invite the rest. If you're not that close to her, just have your parents explain to her w/everyone else.

OK - here's what we are doing

we are inviting my cousin only, and I am going to email here when I sent the invitations and tell her about the party from my parents.

FH thought about sending STD cards, but no one would know what they are. I also spoke to my mom and told her to start spreading the word.

Sounds good