I know it sounds messed up but they drive me crazy!! They are starting to make me not want a wedding and to just elope somewhere. My fiance and I have known each other since we were 11. We dated since we were 19 (we're both 27) and my parents adore him. We got engaged in Jamaica and he even called my dad beforehand to ask for my hand in marriage. My parents moved to FLA and left my younger (23) sister and the house 2years ago. My mom moved back this year to teach and my father stayed in FLA to work. (??? I am as confused as you) She chain smokes and drinks... a lot. They (my parents) have done nothing but make my engagement miserable. My mom seems jealous at times. At first my father (who has money) was going to 'maybe give $5,000' but he in turn wanted half of my monetary gifts from the wedding, so my fiance and I decided to pay for it ourselves to which he said 'i'm deducting $2,000 from your wedding gift since you are living rent free'... I don't pay rent but I do pay a few bills in the house and I am saving for a wedding.... Oh and he drinks too.. My mom never said congratulations... But she did tell my dad she wants a new ring. My engagement party was the Sat following Thanksgiving. MY parents were DRUNK thanksgiving night (as usual).. and my mother EXPLODED into a screaming fit, when I told them they cannot get drunk in front of my FH's parents at the engagement party... The actual party was ok, considering the day of, my father told my mother he wasn't 'feeling it'. My mother YELLED her kind words about my FH during the toast and I cringed the whole time and then she called my sister and I 'witches' in front of about 60 people. At the end of the night my father got into a political discussion with my FH's father (whom he had just met) and asked him 'if the US is so bad, why don't you go back to Haiti'.... Then my mother came in from the kitchen with some screaming commentary to which I got my gifts and fled to my fiance house.... Last night I was doing my guest list and my father told me 'just send invites to everybody, a lot of people won't be able to make it because it's on a Friday and people have to work you know...'
so.... can you guys tell me how to not invite them?
thanks...
BunnyBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
omg..I'm so sorry you are going through this..I wish I had some advice from you but I figured at the very least you could use some
Rodiah
Posted:
Member since
Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
thanks....
MnM52607
Posted:
Member since
Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
dante31300
Posted:
Member since
Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
OMG this is terrible. First off Congratulations on your engagement. I am sorry that you are going through this. Unfortunately you are living in your parents house and I think that if you uninvite them you may be looking for a new place to stay. Maybe you could just try telling the people at the RH to monitor your parents drinks or water them down.
Here are some hugs
cindyandkevin
Posted:
Member since
Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
Omg, I'm so sorry!! I feel like you're the 'parent' in this situation and your parents are acting like immature teenagers!! I can't decide whose actions are worse, your mom's or dad's!! I'm mad for you and feel so bad you have to deal with them like this!!!
Honestly tho, I really can't see you not inviting your parents to your wedding. I mean, they do seem to care about you tho it seems like they care about themselves more. Of course I shouldn't really say that since I don't know them at all, but they just seem to be hurting you so much.
Is there any way that you can get them to help themselves from drinking?? I think a lot of their behaviors might improve if they weren't influenced by alcohol.
Good luck with whatever you decide!!
Rodiah
Posted:
Member since
Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
I am sorry everybody.. I hope I didn't put a damper on everyone's mood... thanks for all the hugs
I gotta figure out what to do...
akaMrsT
Posted:
Member since
Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
Posted by Rodiah
I know it sounds messed up but they drive me crazy!! They are starting to make me not want a wedding and to just elope somewhere. My fiance and I have known each other since we were 11. We dated since we were 19 (we're both 27) and my parents adore him. We got engaged in Jamaica and he even called my dad beforehand to ask for my hand in marriage. My parents moved to FLA and left my younger (23) sister and the house 2years ago. My mom moved back this year to teach and my father stayed in FLA to work. (??? I am as confused as you) She chain smokes and drinks... a lot. They (my parents) have done nothing but make my engagement miserable. My mom seems jealous at times. At first my father (who has money) was going to 'maybe give $5,000' but he in turn wanted half of my monetary gifts from the wedding, so my fiance and I decided to pay for it ourselves to which he said 'i'm deducting $2,000 from your wedding gift since you are living rent free'... I don't pay rent but I do pay a few bills in the house and I am saving for a wedding.... Oh and he drinks too.. My mom never said congratulations... But she did tell my dad she wants a new ring. My engagement party was the Sat following Thanksgiving. MY parents were DRUNK thanksgiving night (as usual).. and my mother EXPLODED into a screaming fit, when I told them they cannot get drunk in front of my FH's parents at the engagement party... The actual party was ok, considering the day of, my father told my mother he wasn't 'feeling it'. My mother YELLED her kind words about my FH during the toast and I cringed the whole time and then she called my sister and I 'witches' in front of about 60 people. At the end of the night my father got into a political discussion with my FH's father (whom he had just met) and asked him 'if the US is so bad, why don't you go back to Haiti'.... Then my mother came in from the kitchen with some screaming commentary to which I got my gifts and fled to my fiance house.... Last night I was doing my guest list and my father told me 'just send invites to everybody, a lot of people won't be able to make it because it's on a Friday and people have to work you know...'
so.... can you guys tell me how to not invite them?
thanks...
Congratulations on your engagement
As for your parents, all I can say is WOW!!! I have no idea how to go about not inviting them since your family knows you are engaged and you do live with your mom. There really does not seem to be any way to keep a wedding a secret. Not to mention, the fall out from not inviting them (likley being kicked out of your house) would probably be far worse than having one of both of them get drunk at the wedding.
I vote for eloping.
aprlflwr
Posted:
Member since
Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
Congratulations on your engagement!!! I am soooo sorry that you have to deal with a sticky familial situation. I give you a lot of credit for putting up with this role reversal. It is your wedding and you should do whatever you want to do. If eloping is the solution, then go for it. I think that is what I would do. Hang in there, I think it will all work out.
Rodiah
Posted:
Member since
Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
I already paid my deposit at the Swan Club. ((shrugs))
The messed up thing is I moved back in when they moved to FLA so that they would not have to sell the house.. I didn't think she would come back! (my dad is only here for the the holiday)... I was going to move out before the wedding but we are buying a co-op and I want to wait to move until after the wedding.. I lived with him for 4 years when I was younger... but I want to wait until we are married before we move back in together... so we can move in right after the honeymoon...
Anyway.
Thanks everyone for all your comments!!!
Rodiah
Posted:
Member since
Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
Posted by aprlflwr
Congratulations on your engagement!!! I am soooo sorry that you have to deal with a sticky familial situation. I give you a lot of credit for putting up with this role reversal. It is your wedding and you should do whatever you want to do. If eloping is the solution, then go for it. I think that is what I would do. Hang in there, I think it will all work out.
thank you
just spoke to my FH (who has a picture perfect family).. he doesn't want to elope..but he said he will do whatever I want.
I guess I will keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best...
libby2595
Posted:
Member since
Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
first of all, congrats on your engagement.
i don't think i can add anything more than what has already been said.
i wanted to reply for three reasons...
1 to congratulate you 2 to give another vote for eloping 3 i'm curious, if you've known fh so long, why is it that your dads only just met?
i wish you all the best in dealing with all of this
aprlflwr
Posted:
Member since
Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
Posted by Rodiah
Posted by aprlflwr
Congratulations on your engagement!!! I am soooo sorry that you have to deal with a sticky familial situation. I give you a lot of credit for putting up with this role reversal. It is your wedding and you should do whatever you want to do. If eloping is the solution, then go for it. I think that is what I would do. Hang in there, I think it will all work out.
thank you
just spoke to my FH (who has a picture perfect family).. he doesn't want to elope..but he said he will do whatever I want.
I guess I will keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best...
I hope for the best for you!!!
JPC1125
Posted:
Member since
Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
I had MAJOR parent issues when planning my wedding too so I know where you are coming from. It was like all of a sudden...my mom turned into a raving lunatic!
Anyways, I would start first by giving them an ultimatum.....they need to start treating you better and act more maturely about the whole thing or you will dis-invite them. It might cause a fight but sometimes screaming it all out might get to the root of the problem.
kitty1224
Posted:
Member since
Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
I truly am so sorry for you to have to deal with this. My mom is very abusive and very jealous and I have thought about not inviting her myself. I would not invite them if they act that way. Its your wedding day and if they can not respect your wishes about not drinking then they can not come. I am having a similar issue with Fhs brother. You are spending all this money and you want a wedding. Yes, you want your parents there, but you have to make a decision, what is best for you? You love your parents and they sound like they love you, but addition supersedes it all. Do not worry about there feeling, but about yours and the respect that you want. Good Luck with your decision. This is just my opinion.
snydl40
Posted:
Member since
Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
Congratulations! I am sorry you are going through this. I would sit your parents down and tell them they can't drink at the wedding-if they want to drink then they don't come. Give the bartenders their pictures and tell them not to serve them.
stoebe07
Posted:
Member since
Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
i am so sorry... the one thing I will say is this... it is your wedding. You are celebrating the unity of you and your FH's love. Make it a special day. Even though we want our parents to celebrate with us, sometimes it is better not to have them there. Give it some time, but if you are still having a hard time with your parents, maybe they shouldn't be there. Keep all of us girls updated. i will be here to support you!
luvabul
Posted:
Member since
Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
i feel awful about your situation, thats really sad, but luckily your FH is so loving and supportive it appears,
one question, wouldnt they FREAK OUT!! completely if they werent invited??
preciousstone
Posted:
Member since
Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
I know how you feel... well a little..... I sent you FM about some of what I'm going through.... all I have to say is... make the painful decision ... if you have to... Now!!! and enjoy your wedding later... your parents may or may not deserve their own pain- whatever pain that is that drives the behavior they display that causes YOU pain... you don't deserve their pain... they've lived their lives... now you enjoy yours.. and if they cannot set their pain aside to enjoy this new part of your life with you... then so be it... but dont wait for more stuff to happen.. make a decision and stick to it.. knowing that either way the decision will be painful in the actual making of that decision... but that the end result will help you enjoy your future ...
Jayla127
Posted:
Member since
Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
WOW!! I'm speechless. I am so sorry that you had to experience an ordeal like that. You have to do what's best for you. it's seems very clear that you were embarassed by your parents. Take a deep breath!!! have you discussed with your parents your wedding details? Do they know the date of your wedding? I was thinking of not telling them but then you might have that one person that tell them. Or, you can have some type of security at the door to prevent them from coming in. I truly feel for you. Keep us posted!!!!
