I know it sounds messed up but they drive me crazy!! They are starting to make me not want a wedding and to just elope somewhere. My fiance and I have known each other since we were 11. We dated since we were 19 (we're both 27) and my parents adore him. We got engaged in Jamaica and he even called my dad beforehand to ask for my hand in marriage. My parents moved to FLA and left my younger (23) sister and the house 2years ago. My mom moved back this year to teach and my father stayed in FLA to work. (??? I am as confused as you) She chain smokes and drinks... a lot. They (my parents) have done nothing but make my engagement miserable. My mom seems jealous at times. At first my father (who has money) was going to 'maybe give $5,000' but he in turn wanted half of my monetary gifts from the wedding, so my fiance and I decided to pay for it ourselves to which he said 'i'm deducting $2,000 from your wedding gift since you are living rent free'... I don't pay rent but I do pay a few bills in the house and I am saving for a wedding.... Oh and he drinks too.. My mom never said congratulations... But she did tell my dad she wants a new ring. My engagement party was the Sat following Thanksgiving. MY parents were DRUNK thanksgiving night (as usual).. and my mother EXPLODED into a screaming fit, when I told them they cannot get drunk in front of my FH's parents at the engagement party... The actual party was ok, considering the day of, my father told my mother he wasn't 'feeling it'. My mother YELLED her kind words about my FH during the toast and I cringed the whole time and then she called my sister and I 'witches' in front of about 60 people. At the end of the night my father got into a political discussion with my FH's father (whom he had just met) and asked him 'if the US is so bad, why don't you go back to Haiti'.... Then my mother came in from the kitchen with some screaming commentary to which I got my gifts and fled to my fiance house.... Last night I was doing my guest list and my father told me 'just send invites to everybody, a lot of people won't be able to make it because it's on a Friday and people have to work you know...'
so.... can you guys tell me how to not invite them?
thanks...
bridezilla08
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Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
omg! i'm so sorry! your parents need to set their differences and problems aside for that day. to not invite them might cause even more unnecessary drama, especially considering your mom moved back and you're living rent free. Maybe you, your fiance, and sister can try an intervention with your parents and let them know where you stand. either way, remember it's your day and you don't want drama!
MrsMichel07
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Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
Posted by akaMrsT
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Congratulations on your engagement
I vote for eloping.
I agree eloping would be your best bet.... But to give your dream big wedding for two people.... not sure about that one.
Rodiah
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Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
Posted by libby2595
first of all, congrats on your engagement.
i don't think i can add anything more than what has already been said.
i wanted to reply for three reasons...
1 to congratulate you 2 to give another vote for eloping 3 i'm curious, if you've known fh so long, why is it that your dads only just met?
i wish you all the best in dealing with all of this
Hey.. His dad divorced from his mother when my fiance was 5....and he moves around a lot. He just moved back into NY maybe 2 years ago but my parents moved to FLA 2 years ago.. so they never met... My FH said he dad wasn't offended by my dad's comments but I was! It's was so embarrasing...
Rodiah
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Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
Posted by aprlflwr
Posted by Rodiah
Posted by aprlflwr
Congratulations on your engagement!!! I am soooo sorry that you have to deal with a sticky familial situation. I give you a lot of credit for putting up with this role reversal. It is your wedding and you should do whatever you want to do. If eloping is the solution, then go for it. I think that is what I would do. Hang in there, I think it will all work out.
thank you
just spoke to my FH (who has a picture perfect family).. he doesn't want to elope..but he said he will do whatever I want.
I guess I will keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best...
I hope for the best for you!!!
thank you!! I felt a little dumb sharing my story on the internet but it has really helped, a lot of people who aren't getting married and planning a wedding and having to foot the bill... they think I am overreacting. My sister in law is great because she just married my FH's twin and they were together 10 years so they are real supportive but my family they think I am overreacting.. they think my parents are perfect.... they can't believe my father won't help pay but I think my mom told him not to because that was one of the first things she said to me...'you father is not paying for some big ol' wedding'... she got married in City Hall so I think there may be some resentment there.....
Rodiah
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Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
Posted by JPC1125
I had MAJOR parent issues when planning my wedding too so I know where you are coming from. It was like all of a sudden...my mom turned into a raving lunatic!
Anyways, I would start first by giving them an ultimatum.....they need to start treating you better and act more maturely about the whole thing or you will dis-invite them. It might cause a fight but sometimes screaming it all out might get to the root of the problem.
I tried. I told them don't drink at the engagement party... they did... but someone on here suggested asking the bartenders not to serve them, I think I will ask the bartenders to water down the drinks for my parents or maybe hire a DOC so that she can keep an eye on them and if they have too much to drink, I can have a relative escort them out... isn't that a crying shame???!!....
Rodiah
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Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
Posted by snydl40
Congratulations! I am sorry you are going through this. I would sit your parents down and tell them they can't drink at the wedding-if they want to drink then they don't come. Give the bartenders their pictures and tell them not to serve them.
thanks.. I will wait til closer to the date and try to talk to them again and I love the idea of alerting the bartender!!
thanks!
N.Y.bride
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Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
My goodness. Im not sure what I would do. Maybe write them a letter explaining how hurt you are at their actions?? Maybe they will read it and think about it before talking again with you?
If you two really want to elope Id just do it! I would have loved to.
Rodiah
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Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
Posted by stoebe07
i am so sorry... the one thing I will say is this... it is your wedding. You are celebrating the unity of you and your FH's love. Make it a special day. Even though we want our parents to celebrate with us, sometimes it is better not to have them there. Give it some time, but if you are still having a hard time with your parents, maybe they shouldn't be there. Keep all of us girls updated. i will be here to support you!
I must say, I felt so dumb at first about putting my problems out there on the internet... I was going to try to delete the thread but.. everybody has offered such good advice and has made me feel so much better! I guess everyone here can relate.. It's crazy how such a happy occasion can create negative feelings in other people.. but everybody on here is sooooo great! I will keep everyone posted and I will NOT let this put a damper on my happiness!!
Thanks!!!
Rodiah
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Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
Posted by luvabul
i feel awful about your situation, thats really sad, but luckily your FH is so loving and supportive it appears,
one question, wouldnt they FREAK OUT!! completely if they werent invited??
yeah but .... they are acting like they don't care... my mom told everybody at thanksgiving that she is leaving everything to North Shore Animal League and not us (myself and my sister).. She is the queen of spite... not inviting them is right up her alley. I don't want to be spiteful tho, I just don't want to be embarrassed infront of 200 people...
Sunflower08
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Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
First off, congratulations!
Your parents are alcoholics. They are not going to not drink because you tell them to. So my suggestion to you is cancel your wedding at the Swan Club. You may lose your deposit but if you truly do not want your parents there then it is worth it. Do a destination wedding instead. This way you can invite his whole side of the family and your selected few who you know can keep a secret and tell your parents you eloped.
That was the only thing I could think of. It is such a difficult situation when you are the parent to your parents. I do know what you are going through. Here are some and I hope it all works out for you!
aprlflwr
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Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
Posted by JIFFY
First off, congratulations!
Your parents are alcoholics. They are not going to not drink because you tell them to. So my suggestion to you is cancel your wedding at the Swan Club. You may lose your deposit but if you truly do not want your parents there then it is worth it. Do a destination wedding instead. This way you can invite his whole side of the family and your selected few who you know can keep a secret and tell your parents you eloped.
That was the only thing I could think of. It is such a difficult situation when you are the parent to your parents. I do know what you are going through. Here are some and I hope it all works out for you!
I replied last night but thought I would look for hte post today in case there was an update. Jiffy has said it well. The loss of your deposit does not outweigh your happiness you deserve on the day of your wedding!!! Please keep us posted!!!!
PegaLega
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Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
I am so sorry that you are going thru this, unfortunately I dont have any advice for you. What if you sit down with them and explain to them that this is your wedding day and you would like them to enjoy it but you would like to enjoy it too without playing babysitter to them. Im sure it will be a heated and upsetting convo but at least it might help them understand a little better
Good Luck, whatever you do
SillyBeans
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Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
congrats on your engagment! maybe you should just have a very small ceremony. You wouldn't want to spend all the time , energy, and money planning a big wedding if you have to worry about how members of the family will be on that day.
Kara and Todd
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Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
Congratulations on your engagement and I'm really sorry you're going through this!!
I think lots of people on this thread have given good advice on handling the wedding-related problem, but... To give some other (albeit unsolicited) advice, I REALLY think you and your sibling(s) need to get together and talk to a counselor who specializes in drug and alcohol abuse... You may be able to brainstorm about ways to possibly help your parents. It's not easy, but it sounds like your parents need some help. Jiffy is right - your parents are alcoholics.
I have no advice on the wedding itself - that's a really difficult choice. I'm sure you'll do the right thing. (I think Jiffy has the right idea, though!!)
Again, I'm really sorry you're going through this. FM me if you'd ever like to chat / vent.
BKtoLI
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Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
I am so sorry you are going through this, everyone deserves to have a happy planning process, however that is rarely ever the case.
I have 2 suggestions for you:
1. Elope & have a destination wedding, this way you have control. 2. This may be an unpopular option, but it was the first thought in my head, choose not to serve alcohol at your wedding. Just don't tell them that you won't be serving any.
I hope that you can come to a decision on this...it's not an easy one, but ultimately do what makes you and FH happy, and no one else. It's your wedding, and your happiness is ultimately the only one that matters here.
Skeeter
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Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
CONGRATS!!!! Best Wishes to you and your fh :)
Rule # 1 : This is your day , Don't worry about anyone else!
I had the same issue with my dad. He is a recovering alcoholic and has ruined many holidays. We keep any and all alcohol away from him.
My suggestion is : To have a cash bar. This will limit the drinking and also save you money.
Good Luck !
heatherandrichie
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Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
I don't even know what to say! Be prepared to move out if you don't invite them. And I would assume the worst, like them disowning you. Good luck and my prayers are with you.
enjft
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Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
I must admit! I would not invite them. There is no way they should make the best day of your life miserable. Nor should you be holding your breath hoping that they do not embarrass you.
GL.
2Be1
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Re: I don't think I want my parents at my wedding...
Girl, all I can offer right now is and say that weddings and funerals bring about the true colors in people. . . believe me when I tell you that you will clearly see who is REALLY fully supportive of you and who really isn't through this experience
