I think that part of the point of it is that you're not supposed to understand it.
Throughout, it's sort of this wonderous thing, comprised of many little, seemingly unimportant moments that all mix and compound with the obvious important ones to comprise - Life.
But I don't understand.
Like how are you supposed to bounce back from things that require near superhuman strength for recovery?
I don't understand how feelings can be so crippling.
Forgive me waxing dramatical. It's been one of those - years, I guess.
chikita315
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Re: I don't understand
Add me to the list of confused.
I've come to the realization that we don't bounce back. We go sideways. A little wiser, from the hurt, disspointment and shock.
Maybe we aren't so affected when life rears it's evil ugly head again.
Maybe some of us are born to suffer and enlighten those that never do.
Maybe we (true hows) were brought together by a cosmic force to help each other understand it all.
greenfreak
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Re: I don't understand
I don't really have answers for you.
But with each challenge in life, you're supposed to get stronger. So you can handle bigger challenges and problems. I also don't understand how people can face such horrible things in their life and get through it. But when I'm dealing with something bad in my life, I try to think of people who have it much worse (and there is always someone I can think of) to snap me out of wallowing in pity for myself.
I don't have any magic answers. But I do have a for you.
superkat
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Re: I don't understand
I stopped trying to understand it. You live it, you make the best of it and you overcome it. Why do you overcome it? Because you don't have a choice. You can wallow in the minutea or you can move on and make the best of what you have.
Mel, I am sorry it is a hard time for you. But it will get better. You know why? Because you deserve it.
brooklynbridezilla
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Re: I don't understand
Posted by greenfreak
But when I'm dealing with something bad in my life, I try to think of people who have it much worse (and there is always someone I can think of) to snap me out of wallowing in pity for myself.
Agree.
Lean on your Hows, they will help get you through it. The Zilla, too, if you are so inclined.
Many for you, Snoz.
JanuaryBride06
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Re: I don't understand
Posted by superkat
Why do you overcome it? Because you don't have a choice. You can wallow in the minutea or you can move on and make the best of what you have.
You're right. And I do that - wallow for a bit and then move on - I guess this is my bit for wallowing. Sometimes it just takes me a little bit longer to crawl out of the muck of guilt/sadness/fear.
Posted by greenfreak But when I'm dealing with something bad in my life, I try to think of people who have it much worse (and there is always someone I can think of) to snap me out of wallowing in pity for myself.
This used to work for me - but now, I think of my family, my friends, I think of all of you - and it doesn't make me feel better. I can't quantify anyone's hurt against mine. I would rather hurt than see any of you in distress, you know?
And M-lo, I like that - not bouncing back but moving sideways.
When I was younger, and very little happened to me, I thought that I embodied strength. And I can do it for other people. But for me - I can't. I don't know how. I always thought that I would. I'm just amazed at how easy it feels to be strong for other people and then no so much for myself.
Zilla, you are such a how.
Thank you all for indulging my serious maximus.
lipglossjunky73
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Re: I don't understand
Life is a roller coaster, plain and simple. I practice Buddhism - well, some parts of Buddhism - I'm sort of eclectic when it comes to spiritual practice, but may favorite thing about Buddhism is that it teaches you that nothing is permanent. And since nothing is permanent, you cannot get too attached to it - because thats when things get painful.
so, even happiness and good times are temporary. You can enjoy them, appreciate them, drink them up, but always be aware of the fact that happiness doesn't last. Don't get attached to the happy moment - don't identify with it - but enjoy it.
same thing with grief, sadness, etc. You can cry, get depressed, etc - but, remember - it is temporary. Don't get attached to the pain - don't identify with it - just feel it, and let it run its course and move on.
The more you stay in that mode of this feels great, but its temporary, or this su cks, but its temporary, the more grounded you begin to feel about things. At least that is how things have been for me - most of the time. I still fall off every now and then, but I try and get back on....
Last night, I was up thinking about how I'm bringing someone new into this confusing mess we call life, and why in the world did I ever think of doing something like that....
JanuaryBride06
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Re: I don't understand
Posted by lipglossjunky73 nothing is permanent. And since nothing is permanent, you cannot get too attached to it - because thats when things get painful.
When I read the Unbearable Lightness of Being, it broke my heart several times over because this was one of the philosophies presented in it.
My problem is letting go. It always has been and I wish I could free myself of that.
Thanks for your insight, Liza.
lipglossjunky73
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Re: I don't understand
Posted by JanuaryBride06
Posted by lipglossjunky73 nothing is permanent. And since nothing is permanent, you cannot get too attached to it - because thats when things get painful.
When I read the Unbearable Lightness of Being, it broke my heart several times over because this was one of the philosophies presented in it.
My problem is letting go. It always has been and I wish I could free myself of that.
Thanks for your insight, Liza.
YW...
Believe it or not, the one movie that really hit home for me and spoke to me about 'letting go' was Jacob's Ladder. I didn't see it as the scary movie they were trying to present it as.... I saw it as such a lesson on life - that there are angels or there are demons. Its up to your interpretation. They try and remove you from what is holding you back. If you let them, they are angels. If you fight them, they are demons....
Damn we are getting deep today.... But I refflect on this stuff all the time.
When I'm not on LIW. Or LIF.
JanuaryBride06
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I love that. I'm going to put that in my journal.
And believe it or not - this is how I think/write/journal when I'm not NWRing or recaping it.
hmpena
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Re: I don't understand
Somehow, we do recover. I don't know if I would use the word bounce back. Hopefully, when all is said and done and things are a little quieter, we are able to reflect on what we experienced and incorporate it into our being. It also helps put things into perspective and appreciate the good times/things we do have.
greenfreak
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Re: I don't understand
Posted by JanuaryBride06
I'm just amazed at how easy it feels to be strong for other people and then no so much for myself.
That was one of the reasons (ok, the biggest reason) why I stopped volunteering/working in EMS. It took so many years for me to realize that I gave too much, and I thought it wasn't affecting me, but in the end it hit me all at once and way too hard.
If you hurt a little bit about each thing over the course of a lifetime, it's better than hurting a lot in a short period of time. That's what I had to get used to.
And it indirectly led me to meet the love of my life. Proof enough for me that sometimes, the very worst things in life can lead you on a path to the very best things.
It's the optimist in me.
SuzBride
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Re: I don't understand
I like to think all the crap and pain and awfulness of life is there to make the sunshine and happiness more valueable. I have spent many an hour thinking about this - why is there suffering? - it is one of the reasons I took so many religion classes in college, and one of the reasons I finally became agnostic (or closer to atheist).
JessicaM.
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Re: I don't understand
Posted by JanuaryBride06
Life.
I don't understand how feelings can be so crippling.
isn't it the most curious thing. something in your mind, the weighs like a ton of bricks. something you can't see...or touch...but only feel. and it renders you mentally unable to move from the spot in which you are.
Posted by JanuaryBride06
Like how are you supposed to bounce back from things that require near superhuman strength for recovery?
my darlin girl....if I knew the answer, I'd let you buy it from me....
Posted by chikita315
I've come to the realization that we don't bounce back. We go sideways. A little wiser, from the hurt, disspointment and shock.
this is an interesting perspective, M-lo
Posted by chikita315
Maybe we aren't so affected when life rears it's evil ugly head again.
for me, it depends on the 'trauma' for some reason, there is something...a hurt...a feeling, that has been abel to hurt me more deeply and accutely every time it's happend. for me, it's all about how much I care. the only way to stop hurting, is to stop caring...
Posted by chikita315
Maybe some of us are born to suffer and enlighten those that never do.
I asked the bomb the other day if he thought i had a black cloud over my head....this is precisely what I meant.
Posted by chikita315
Maybe we (true hows) were brought together by a cosmic force to help each other understand it all.
I believe this, and I truly love you hows.
superkat
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Re: I don't understand
Posted by JanuaryBride06
Posted by superkat
Why do you overcome it? Because you don't have a choice. You can wallow in the minutea or you can move on and make the best of what you have.
You're right. And I do that - wallow for a bit and then move on - I guess this is my bit for wallowing. Sometimes it just takes me a little bit longer to crawl out of the muck of guilt/sadness/fear.
Everyone is entitled to a wallowing day or week or month. I think you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Whenever I have a weaker moment, I turn to my girls and they always remind me of how special I am and it is just a passing time. I think it is the same for you.
greenfreak
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Re: I don't understand
Posted by SuzBride
I like to think all the crap and pain and awfulness of life is there to make the sunshine and happiness more valueable.
We appreciate spring and summer so much more after a hard, cold winter, don't we? Good point. I've always thought this too.
JanuaryBride06
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I sometimes wish that I were empty - just blank slate, begin again with all new feelings.
lipglossjunky73
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Posted by JanuaryBride06
I love that. I'm going to put that in my journal.
And believe it or not - this is how I think/write/journal when I'm not NWRing or recaping it.
I totally believe it!
I am not one to go into the wah poor me stuff, but things were very difficult in my life growing up. I had to, unfortunately, learn about suffering very very very early on in life....
I developed a trick that I always used from then until now - I ask myself - ok, this is how I'm feeling. And it hurts and its awful. But what is the ONE thing I can focus on - just one little thing, that will help me take one step thru it?
And sometimes its so small, its ridiculous. Its just enough for me to take another breath. But its one breath closer to the feeling being over. And one breath closer to moving on.
JessicaM.
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Posted by JanuaryBride06
I sometimes wish that I were empty - just blank slate, begin again with all new feelings.
SuzBride
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Re: I don't understand
Posted by JessicaM.
Posted by JanuaryBride06
I sometimes wish that I were empty - just blank slate, begin again with all new feelings.
me too. I am haunted by pain from my past. It is strange cause it comes in unexpected spurts - the memories. I know some people who get over things so quickly, and it amazes me. I tend to harp on things - for a lifetime.
