I feel like my cousin might steal my thunder at my wedding

pa56 Posted: Jul 20, 2008 12:09 PM

I feel like my cousin might steal my thunder at my wedding

Some background:
In Indian culture, you usually introduce your boyfriend to the family after you've decided he's the one and you both have talked about marriage. Indian parents don't understand dating. They feel the engagement time is dating because then it's socially acceptable to be seen in public together. Now this is a very antiquated view on things but some indian parents are still mentally living in the 50s.

My cousin asked me if she could bring a friend to my wedding. I said sure. My cousin is very caring and often goes out of her way for others so I had no second thought about saying yes to her. Later, I find out this 'friend' is her boyfriend who half the family has never met!! So now, she and her man are going to be the talk of the town at my wedding. I just know it. I don't think you should introduce your boyfriend (who in our culture, is just as good as a fiance) at someone else's wedding!!! Do it at your own house!!! It's basically like her getting engaged at my wedding. I don't like it!

Any thoughts on how I should handle this? I know I should just let it go because it's seemingly petty in the grand scheme of things, but....

krislee316 Posted: Jul 20, 2008 12:17 PM

Re: I feel like my cousin might steal my thunder at my wedding

I would take her out to lunch and explain how u feel and tell her to introduce him prior to ur wedding because your wedding is supposed to be about u and not her!!! good luck

FutureMrsG Posted: Jul 20, 2008 12:19 PM

Re: I feel like my cousin might steal my thunder at my wedding

You should talk to her...maybe she could arrange to introduce her boyfriend to the family some time BEFORE your wedding. I would be really upset with my cousin if she did this!

pa56 Posted: Jul 20, 2008 12:31 PM

Re: I feel like my cousin might steal my thunder at my wedding

Thanks girls for your advice but the issue is that her boyfriend lives in California and won't be flying back to the east coast anytime BEFORE my October wedding.

I did tell her that the pre-wedding events on Friday night are for close family only so at least he won't be at that.

deb08 Posted: Jul 20, 2008 12:34 PM

Re: I feel like my cousin might steal my thunder at my wedding

my be it can be done in the days before the wedding- they will be here a couple days before??? give her a call and talk to her about it..

good luck!!

mls282 Posted: Jul 20, 2008 12:43 PM

Re: I feel like my cousin might steal my thunder at my wedding

Posted by deb08

my be it can be done in the days before the wedding- they will be here a couple days before??? give her a call and talk to her about it..

good luck!!

I agree! I think it would be best done before the wedding or at the pre-wedding stuff so at least its not taking away attention from you on the BIg Day!
Good luck. I would definitely talk to her and explain how you feel. I am sure any girl would understand that.

pa56 Posted: Jul 20, 2008 12:51 PM

Re: I feel like my cousin might steal my thunder at my wedding

I feel the pre-wedding stuff is more intimate so I don't want him there. He could possibly get lost in the crowd at the wedding and reception so I'd prefer him there instead. We're having 300 people at the reception and only 35-40 people at the pre-wedding event on Friday night.

So confused and annoyed!

mls282 Posted: Jul 20, 2008 12:55 PM

Re: I feel like my cousin might steal my thunder at my wedding

I know how you feel and I understand why you are worried. But to be honest YOU ARE THE BRIDE!!! They might have a momentary interest in what might be going on with your cousin but the second you enter the room all eyes will be on you. Everyone will want to talk to you, dance with, be near you. Really it will all work out... You really don't need to worry! Its your day!!!

ttdiff11 Posted: Jul 20, 2008 01:44 PM

Re: I feel like my cousin might steal my thunder at my wedding

i would just take her aside and let her know how u feel and tell her that ur happy for her but its ur day

MrsDtoBe09 Posted: Jul 20, 2008 01:45 PM

Re: I feel like my cousin might steal my thunder at my wedding

Posted by pa56

I feel the pre-wedding stuff is more intimate so I don't want him there. He could possibly get lost in the crowd at the wedding and reception so I'd prefer him there instead. We're having 300 people at the reception and only 35-40 people at the pre-wedding event on Friday night.

So confused and annoyed!

Why not have him 'announced' in a way there... that way he's old news by the time its your wedding day.

ace730 Posted: Jul 20, 2008 01:50 PM

Re: I feel like my cousin might steal my thunder at my wedding

I don't think that there is anything wrong with feeling the way that you do. A wedding is supposed to celebrate the union of a bride and groom (oh and it's a time for the bride to have the spotlight, lol). It is not an appropriate time for family introductions or an engagement. You seem to have a nice relationship with your cousin. Do you think you could discuss this with her?

pa56 Posted: Jul 20, 2008 04:18 PM

Re: I feel like my cousin might steal my thunder at my wedding

Posted by mls282

I know how you feel and I understand why you are worried. But to be honest YOU ARE THE BRIDE!!! They might have a momentary interest in what might be going on with your cousin but the second you enter the room all eyes will be on you. Everyone will want to talk to you, dance with, be near you. Really it will all work out... You really don't need to worry! Its your day!!!

This makes me feel better!! Thanks!!

mls282 Posted: Jul 20, 2008 07:26 PM

Re: I feel like my cousin might steal my thunder at my wedding

Glad I could I could help!

KARA16 Posted: Jul 20, 2008 11:32 PM

Re: I feel like my cousin might steal my thunder at my wedding

Posted by FutureMrsG

You should talk to her...maybe she could arrange to introduce her boyfriend to the family some time BEFORE your wedding. I would be really upset with my cousin if she did this!

I agree. that would be very rude.

Butterfly123 Posted: Jul 20, 2008 11:58 PM

Re: I feel like my cousin might steal my thunder at my wedding

Well how will the family know its her boyfriend? Ask her to treat him like a friend until after the wedding and then announce it.

KimiDanny1010 Posted: Jul 21, 2008 01:52 AM

Re: I feel like my cousin might steal my thunder at my wedding

i don't know if you do this in your culture... but if you have an engagement party have her bring him to it... or maybe she'll bring him around before the wedding if you think things might be getting serious with them !!!

AR31 Posted: Jul 21, 2008 08:41 AM

Re: I feel like my cousin might steal my thunder at my wedding

o geeze.. i was in a kiind of similar situation.. DH's brother decided to get married a month before our enagement to a girl he met just 6 months before.. we were planning our engagement in india and was talking about it and all of a sudden he drops the ball that he's getting married the same week!! his parents couldn't do much b/c this is his second marriage.. he was close to getting married before and it fizzled so they pretty much wanted him to lock and load... amidst all this our enagement got pushed back another month..

i think you can try to address this concern to her if she is the type to go out of her way for others, then maybe she can have him fly out here let everyone mingle.. in my case.. DH's brother just didn't get it or didn't bother to get it..

Ray8183 Posted: Jul 21, 2008 08:56 AM

Re: I feel like my cousin might steal my thunder at my wedding

I had asked an Indian co-worker about this and she states, NOT to bring any male guest. She said it can backfire on your and the family will think you knew all along. The family will not see the bride but your cousin. The cousin will be the talk of the town. So again please tell your cousin she can bring a guest just not a male one.